Hello, and welcome to a very special episode of “Mike Writes About Meghan McCain Way Too Much.”
As we’re all painfully aware now, Meghan has a long, documented history of saying MY FATHER® at any and every opportunity because, let’s be frank, it’s her only source of relevancy in the world. Her origin story literally starts with John McCain’s O-face and that’s pretty much the high point. From there it’s a soft, effortless existence of Meghan constantly mentioning who squirted her out that has flown so far past the point of parody that it’s gone plaid. So with that information in mind, I just want to be upfront that I’m hesitant to say that what you’re about to see next is the most MY FATHER® of MY FATHER® moments. As I’m typing this, Meghan could very easily climb the Empire State Building and start screaming “MY FATHER JOHN MCCAIN IS THE TALLEST BUILDING IN MANHATTAN,” so I’m treading on thin ice here.
Anyway, on today’s episode of The View, Meghan somehow found a way to make her disbelief of E. Jean Carroll’s rape accusation against Donald Trump seem like the wokest shit that’s ever been farted out of her mayonnaise mouth. But while that’s its own separate bag of awful, you could really tell that Meghan was gearing up for something big today by the way she aggressively drank from her coffee mug while waiting for her turn to make her co-stars curse God for their lot in life. I’m talking by the end of the clip, Whoopi Goldberg is literally throwing hands in front of her face and clearly thinking to herself, “I was in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, I don’t deserve this.”
“Can’t say MY FATHER without a belly full of Sanka. Chug-blug-glug-blug-blug.”
So how did Meghan invoke John McCain’s name in a way that required three paragraphs of buildup? Get ready to grit some teeth. Via The Daily Beast:
After co-host Sunny Hostin noted several children have recently died in immigration custody, blaming it on a “lack of empathy” by the Trump administration, McCain jumped in to quibble about semantics.
Conceding that the conditions in the centers are “horrific” and that this is a “total humanitarian crisis,” the former Fox News personality took issue with experts “calling these places ‘torture facilities.’”
“I understand it’s a humanitarian crisis,” McCain exclaimed. “It’s horrific to detain—like you said, people in jail get soap and toothpaste. But I know what a torture facility looks like. I’ve been to one.”
Yup, Meghan McCain made the child detention centers all about her father, and that was just the opening.
“When you have a facility whose specific purpose is to torture people, that is not what’s going on,” the conservative co-host shouted. “Yes, it’s inhumane but there’s a big difference between a Hanoi Hilton and what’s happening at the border right now!”
By this point, you may have noticed that Meghan hasn’t officially blurted out her catchphrase, but did you honestly think that wasn’t going to be the case? C’mon now.
Hostin, meanwhile, remarked that people should be “less concerned about what we’re calling” the detention centers and more concerned about “what goes on inside of them.”
“I don’t care what we’re calling them,” she continued. “Kids are dying inside of them. We should care about the dead kids that have come out of them.”
McCain, however, wasn’t convinced.
“Well, my father couldn’t lift me above his head as a child because of his torture wounds so I do think that hyperbole is important,” she stated.
And there it is. Also, Jesus f*cking Christ.
Right off the bat, I want to give props to Sunny Hostin who immediately calls Meghan out on her semantical horseshit. Yes, John McCain was brutally tortured during his time as a POW, but as Joy Behar notes, “That was a war, and they were grownups.” Which is a pretty important detail that was clearly lost on Meghan because she continued to double-down by retweeting this after the show.
.@MeghanMcCain didn't ask anyone to be relieved, in fact, she explicitly said that we should be outraged about the conditions, all she said was that we shouldn’t use hyperbole by comparing it to things that it is not.— The Reagan Battalion (@ReaganBattalion) June 25, 2019
You knew that already, but why miss an opportunity… https://t.co/7sjYPjXFTR
Here’s the strangest part of this entire situation. Meghan McCain actually had a legitimate opening to bring up her father’s name and use his legacy to stick it to Trump, which the ol’ Maverick would’ve f*cking loved. Granted, there’s a laundry list of reasons that prove John McCain was your average, soulless Republican who blows in every way possible, but he was a dedicated and vocal opponent of torture. He famously bucked the Bush Administration’s use of “enhanced interrogation,” and maybe I’m giving MY FATHER® too much credit here, but I like to think he would’ve been goddamn appalled at what’s going on at that border.
Because regardless of what Meghan’s Federalist-warped mind thinks, separating children from their parents is torture. Raping them is torture. Forcing them to sleep on a cement floor because they lost a lice comb is torture. Letting them die slowly from untreated illnesses is motherf*cking torture. I don’t know how dead you need to be inside to not realize that. Or worse, actually do realize that it’s torture, but then turn around and say, “Yeah, well, my dad had bamboo shoots shoved up his fingernails, so big whoop.” Except here’s the thing, Meg, your dad went through that and actually had the humanity to say no one should suffer like that even in goddamn war. What he didn’t do is act like these white assholes who dare to call themselves Christians.
"Quit trying to make us feel teary-eyed for the children. Yes, I love children a great deal, but to me, it's up to the parents to do things rightfully and legally"— CNN (@CNN) June 20, 2018
What some Trump supporters think of family separations at the border: https://t.co/xWTCHQsfFJ pic.twitter.com/AB9iptDL0S
Sorry to make you teary-eyed about the children, Meg. Next time, we’ll remember that the only prisoner ever was MY FATHER®, you square-shaped box of blech.