Last week, national treasure Lynda Carter received a long overdue star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. At the ceremony, Lynda was joined by Patty Jenkins, the director of the Wonder Woman movie that I refuse to acknowledge. Lynda Carter is the Wonder Woman of record and I will accept no others. Gal Gadot is a fine actress. And she’s very pretty and has nice boobs, but they’re not Lynda’s boobs.
Lynda’s boobs are the first boobs I ever looked at with admiration and awe. At the age of 7, Lynda made me want to be a boob haver. She even made me question if maybe, someday, I might also want to be a boob toucher. Even though I turned out straight, I still get the urge to honk a boob every now and then, thanks to Lynda.
Of course, Lynda’s more than the sum of her boobs (which is 2). Over a career that’s spanned 50 years, Lynda’s embodied strength, humor, charm, talent, beauty, and capital “G” Glamour. Did you know that Lynda was a pageant queen before squeezing our hearts with her golden lasso of truth as Wonder Woman? She is also an accomplished singer, having recorded several studio albums.
In 1980, Lynda starred in a televised variety show called Encore. A clip of which I found after falling down a particularly disturbing YouTube rabbit hole. Lynda can do anything she sets her mind to, even if it’s maintaining a modicum of dignity while dressed up like an outer space showgirl, or sliding down a banana to join a kick-line of tuxedoed gorillas. Linda commits and that’s why she’s a fucking legend.