SPORTS(!) happened last night. Boston won, we all get a free taco, and the traffic near me can finally calm down for a bit (jk. It’s L.A., it never calms down!)
This is all important information you need to know so that you can pass for human at the water cooler tomorrow. We all know you’re not, but at this point, I welcome our robot overlords to finally take the wheel and perhaps improve what our society has become. That, dear readers, is neither here nor there. Just make sure you keep the best that our society has to offer, mainly tacos and making fun of Ben Affleck.
To the latter point…
Did you see this picture? It’s a thing of art.
I’m. With. Stupid. (Double-trouble, style)
Here’s the best part—he originally was sitting to the side of Kimmel, away from his one-time best friend Matt Damon.
If Ben Affleck was sitting in the middle, this photo would be perfect. pic.twitter.com/rwwZWL7sZG— Don Van Natta Jr. (@DVNJr) October 29, 2018
I like to think that he was fraught with emotion the entire time, thinking to himself “No, Affleck. You’re Damon’s best friend! I can’t believe they didn’t ask me to wear a funny shirt. I feel so dumb, and left out! I can’t let this happen. I can’t let that hack Jimmy Kimmel take my place. But if I sit in the middle I’ll be stupid. Dammit! I’m not stupid, Kimmel is stupid. So many choices. Where is Jen? I need her help. Dammit! GAHHHHHHH!”
After finally deciding that no one could be better friends with Matt Damon than him, he did what my dog does when he doesn’t like the cat sitting so close to me—he used the opportunity to do a group high-five, and then instead of taking his seat back, stayed in the middle, turned around, did a shimmy, and somehow ended up in-between.
This is by far the most likely scenario (and how the dog always gets the sweet spot on the couch, minus the manufactured high-five) rather than Ben Affleck showing a modicum of self-awareness and letting himself be the joke, willingly and enthusiastically. This is a man, who as far as I know, has never issued a formal apology for Gigli…and if he has, it’s still not enough.
This has been your SPORTS(!) update.
Header Image Source: Getty