…And now his watch has ended.
As you know by now, Ben Affleck is out as Batman. Whether you’re excited about that, heartbroken, or like me, don’t really care—chances are you had a reaction to that news that ranged from polite indifference to strong. You also probably spent some time wondering “what’s next for Ben Affleck?!” I mean, I frequently wonder that in various stages of exasperation, contemplation, and through fits of giggles. It is a very versatile question to ask yourself (especially while watching Phantoms, in which he was the bomb) so good job on that!
Anyway, it’s a question I’ve been posing with my crystal healer quite a lot lately. Her name is Charlene and she tells me we have to focus on “what happened that night, you know the one I’m talking about.” I, of course, know that there are more pressing matters than to discuss what happened that night. We need to figure out what’s next for Ben Affleck. So, she agreed to take up most of our session figuring it out, as long as I promise to go back to…that night, next. Whatever, Charlene. What’s in the past needs to stay in the past. So here we are. We consulted the crystals, and we have a prediction for what’s next for Ben Affleck.
If you’re thinking he’s going to have Jennifer Garner pick him up tacos from Jack in the Box, you’re right, but only because he’s too busy sketching out his super-top-secret clubhouse for his “Life After Batman” club, or, LAB for short.
Yes, friends, the crystals showed us that Ben Affleck is starting up a top-secret club for actors who have played, and are no longer playing, Batman. Right now, the club is very exclusive, and invites are outstanding to Michael Keaton, Christian Bale, Val Kilmer, and Will Arnett. He knows better than to get his hopes up and invite George Clooney. (Clooney’s heart belongs to the Illuminati and that’s it. It’s well known that he won’t join any other clubs, or so the crystals told us.)
So far, none of the actors have confirmed they want to join, but I’m told that Arnett is seriously considering it.
You may be asking what Affleck plans to do with the club? Our sources (you know, spirit guides) intimated that it was “guy stuff,” whatever that means.
(This is what “guy stuff” is in my mind.)
I sincerely hope that “LAB” gets super cool, customized lab coats to wear when they’re hanging out, doing their guy stuff, because it would be funny. Whether that happens is foggy, as the crystals ran out of their power right as I was about to ask that question.
So there you have it, Ben Affleck is probably, maybe, going to form a club to do guy stuff with other guys who have played Batman. It will probably involve Jack in the Box in some form, because why not?
Until next time, friends.
Header Image Source: YouTube/Warner Bros