THIS IS GONNA BE THE FUNNEST GAME, YOU GUYS.
Okay. [male ’90s heartthrob] was banned from [location] for [adjective] [activity] with [object].
I’ll play “Andrew Keegan was banned from an LA bar for drunkenly beating up club bouncers with a motorized skateboard.”
Guys, ain’t no party like a ’90s child star party because a ’90s child star party is the hottest damn mess since Lucille Austero.
[fellow ’90s child star] wrote a [adjective] and [adjective] article for [popular internet comedy site] Mara Wilson wrote a thoughtful and hilarious article for Cracked, positing the various reasons why child stars lose it. And her piece was so understanding and empathetic that I feel freed from my usual soapbox and am today able to just laugh at people. HUZZAH!
Let’s make like it’s junior high and admire ’90s Andrew Keegan. Would that we all could ride with him off into the sunset on his motorized skateboard.
UGH, remember that time he totally stood Stephanie up for the school dance and Danny gave him a piece of his dad mind? The family friendly angst of it all!
Oh my god, he’s basically an infant in this, wtf was wrong with ’90s teen magazines, gross.
You’ve aged well, boo boo. Just…ya know…maybe ride a bike or something.