Kim Kardashian is Terrible, Part 2,547 (And 7 Celebrities Who Are Wonderful, In an Effort to Counterbalance Said Terrible)

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | September 11, 2012 |

So, yesterday, The Guardian ran what was actually an interesting deconstruction of what a Kardashian is. And, spoiler alert!, Kim said something stupid. But not just stupid. Like, oh dear god, you festerface stupid. When asked about her (fake, fake, fake-ity fake, from Faketown, Fake-ania) wedding, this is how Kim responded:

“We had done filming our season at that point, so we decided to film for the wedding. And that was a decision that he and I made together. But I think that, with any decisions in life, like, I spoke to a girl today who had cancer and we were talking about how this is such a hard thing for her, but it taught her a big lesson on who her friends are and so much about life. She’s 18. And I was like, that’s how I feel.”

I’m going to re-paste that and embolden some words, in case you missed something.

“We had done filming our season at that point, so we decided to film for the wedding. And that was a decision that he and I made together. But I think that, with any decisions in life, like, I spoke to a girl today who had cancer and we were talking about how this is such a hard thing for her, but it taught her a big lesson on who her friends are and so much about life. She’s 18. And I was like, that’s how I feel.”

Okay, just stop now. I don’t care about whatever sentences or explanation occurred between “cancer” and “like, that’s how I feel.” Because, no. No. No, your stupid dipshit fake wedding was not like going through cancer. No.

Here’s the thing: I do not believe that Kim Kardashian is a wicked, malicious person (that would be her mother). What I believe is that she is an empty vessel of pseudo-human flesh, devoid of any and all common sense or empathy, unable to muster the tiniest hint of understanding regarding human emotions, unless you count that one time she lost that earring and cried like it was the end of Sophie’s Choice. Even if she is still forcefeeding us this ridiculous notion that the fake wedding was somehow un-fake, it’s still bullshit, because this big huge media frenzy for which she was paid an exorbitant amount of money, gifts and attention (and, no, it does not matter that it wasn’t good attention because no one in this family has any concept of differentiation in that realm) was in no way, shape or form anywhere near relatable to even the least of life’s basic inconveniences, let alone motherfucking cancer. No. No.

I need a palate cleanser. Let’s celebrate the good. Such as…

Tom Hanks photobombing this drunk kid.