Kate, the other Kates and I have tried calling you, but it’s understandable you’re not picking up the Kate-Line because you just had a baby. This is really awkward, but…that’s the reason we’re trying to get in touch.
We’ve tried calling. We’ve tried texting. We even sent a barbershop quartet over. It’s like you know why we’re doing this, and yet you still are ignoring the ancient pact of the Kate Hudsons. So, I’m using Pajiba as a last resort, because the Katemoot is happening with or without you, but we all feel as if it would be better if you could come and explain why you named your baby Rani, and yet it’s pronounced like “Ronnie.”
Katy “Perry” Hudson and I want to make this very clear: No one is trying to rani on your parade. It’s just that as you know, being Kate Hudson comes with certain expectations and requirements. One of which is that we try, when at all possible, to abide by the phonetics of the English language (because it’s such a confusing language already, and Kates must be understood at all time. It’s why we’re here. You know this, or else the Agency wouldn’t have sent you first.)
Yes, we understand that you named your baby daughter after her deceased paternal grandfather, Ron.
We find that very touching (and as a side note, the Agency is very happy that you’ve had a girl. Our mission is expanding, and more importantly, working…) What we take issue with is that you spelled her name “Rani” and have doomed her to a lifetime of saying: “It’s Ronnie, not Rain-y.”
We all know, that’s not the “Kate Hudson” way. You’ve broken mission orders, and for that, we have to have a Katemoot to discuss next steps. We do not want to involve the Agency. No one wants that.
So, Kate, if you’re reading (and Kate are legion, so we know you are) please come to the 24-hour Ihop in Koreatown this evening at 1:53 am. We’ll be in our usual backroom, and we can discuss what to do next. The Katemoot is happening with or without you, but we hope with.
Sincerely, Kate Hudson #6, your sister in arms.
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