Johnny Depp is missing. I mean, he hasn’t like been kidnapped or anything, or this wouldn’t be a very fun game, but he’s just kind of not showing up for work and according to certain blind items (which I tend to accept as gospel truth-fact) he’s been hiding from his new wife on the couch of a long-faded rock star.
According to the Gold Coast Bulletin in Australia (via LaineyGossip), where the fifth (!) Pirates of the Caribbean is presently filming, Depp was supposed to return to set after hurting his hand last month, but has not. He was actually only supposed to be out for two weeks (according to the Bulletin, he hurt has hand after a “heated” conversation with his baby bride, so I’m assuming he punched a wall, which usually heals up fairly quickly with a shot of Jager based on the limited frat boy knowledge I possess) but instead production was halted for about six weeks and started back up this week, but a Depp-less set means they’re going to have to scramble to film what they can without him. He apparently has not been seen publicly since March 12.
Rarely do you hear of Johnny Depp being unprofessional or engaging in diva behavior like this. So, clearly, something MYSTERIOUS is afoot. So let’s speculate wildly about it!
He’s lost in a pile of his own scarves.
He finally joined an Aerosmith cover band and he simply wailed too hard on “Pink” to make it to set.
He went way too method for Yoga Hosers and is currently wandering Canada wearing a fake nose.
He’s trying to get Winona back. Always.
He realized no one gives a shit about a fifth Pirates movie.
He’s still just really embarrassed about The Lone Ranger.
He’s in jail after making everyone be corn.
Feel free to share your own wild speculations. And remember, if you see something, say something. If you are hiding Johnny Depp in your closet so he doesn’t have to be Jack Sparrow even one more time, let someone know.