Okay internet, let’s shut it down now, because no matter what happens, we will never get a better headline than that. It simply can’t be done. We had a good run but it’s time to call it a day.
For those of you who haven’t been keeping up with this amazing news story, allow us to fill you in. Russell Crowe put up a number of personal items and film memorabilia for auction. This was jokingly called the Divorce Auction, but it was also a major deal for any film buff, and he made a solid amount of money from it. One of the top bidders was John Oliver, who infamously bought Crowe’s jock strap from Cinderella Man. But he bought other things too. He wasn’t just being a weird pervert about it. Oliver and the Last Week Tonight team also bought items from American Gangster, Les Miserables, and Robin Hood. The items are going to one of the last remaining Blockbuster stores in Anchorage, Alaska, in the hopes it will boost business.
Crowe took the purchases in stride and said he planned to use the money Oliver spent on something special. Well, we can’t say we expected ‘koala chlamydia ward’ levels of special.
Turns out chlamydia’s a big problem with koalas. Who knew!?
Crowe enlisted the Irwin family for the occasion, and shared a video of the family thanking Oliver for his generosity. The funds will go toward trials for a new vaccine that will help the koalas, as chlamydia can lead to blindness, infertility, and death.
Oliver responded on his show last night, as you can imagine, with shock and weird delight.
‘I have so many questions. First one really has to be: How did all those koalas get chlamydia?’ He then said that his only goal when starting the show had been to get a koala chlamydia ward, and now that his dream was fulfilled, he’d be packing up the show for good.
‘Wasn’t making four and a half seasons of aggressively researched comedy a fairly inefficient way of getting a Koala Chlamydia Ward named after you? Well, I mean, it worked. So, fuck you, I guess?’ With the set shuttered and his work complete, Oliver ended the night with, ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with some very contagious koalas.’
(Don’t worry, he’s obviously not ending the show for good. As noted by Deadline, the show’s been renewed through to 2020).
Troll on, Russell Crowe. Australia wins this round.