John Cena Hopes To Take A Break From Hollywood

John Cena recently slinked across the Oscars stage naked as can be. It was a hilarious bit. If you ask certain people, it was Cena embarrassing himself to ensure his place among the Hollywood elite. Seriously. In the darkest corners of the internet (Twitter), people insinuated that Cena was taking part in an emasculating ritual meant to strip him of his manhood and raise his stock among the blood-drinking, monocle-wearing, doomsday-home-having mega-stars like Tom Hanks and Oprah Winfrey.

We know this is untrue for a few reasons. First, rituals like the one they are referencing take place not on a full stage viewed by tuxedo-wearing celebrities but in large mansions laden with mysterious millionaires clad in masks and robes. There is a buffet. Keys are passed around so guests can take turns unlocking various doors in hopes of finding one of seventy automated bidets. It is class and secrecy at its finest. The second reason we know the ritual didn’t happen is because it doesn’t exist.

The third reason we know Cena didn’t embarrass himself for Hollywood adulation was revealed on the Pat McAfee show. The former football player had John Cena on his post-Wrestlemania show in Philadelphia. Cena made a guest appearance at the wrestling event, attempting to thwart The Rock’s dastardly deeds (albeit unsuccessfully). He then appeared the following night on Monday Night RAW. Ole John rose to prominence as a successful in-ring performer before pivoting to the silver screen. Now, he’s looking to take a little break and return to the squared circle.

“I’m crossing my fingers and toes, and my heart, that maybe, maybe, just maybe, I can take the… I can tell the Hollywood world to pump the brakes for a while and come back to my family for one last run,” the wrestler-turned-actor told McAfee. His family, in this case, would be the WWE. The crowd behind McAfee is psyched to hear that news, to say the least. Cena continued by saying, “I hope. I don’t know. I hope. I’m trying. I hope. We’ll see what happens.”

Cena not committing fully to his pledge makes sense. He’s due to film the second season of Peacemaker this year and possibly be folded even further into James Gunn’s DCU. While his in-ring returns were exciting, he’s the second-best wrestler turned actor currently working (Dave Bautista holds the crown). The man works. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never has a full-on in-ring return. But, stranger things have happened. Like people believing Cena would go through the Hollywood humiliation ceremony without being surrounded by trays of chicken wings and melted cheese. There are standards, you know.

"I'm crossing my fingers that I can tell the Hollywood World to pump the brakes and I can come back to my family for one last run"

HELLL YEAH @JohnCena 👏 #PMSLive pic.twitter.com/h1oi3t43Y5

— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) April 8, 2024