Sometimes I wonder what the parents of people who make up s*it in the tabloids think about their career choices. Do they come from a family of dirt bags who have, for generations, been tasked with the holy profession of making crap up about celebrities? Is it a tradition, complete with ceremonial robes, that these families take very seriously? Or is it a job you stumble in to, and your mom lies that you’re “in the media” to her friends when they ask what her kid does? I don’t know, friends, but as the resident Anistonologist at Pajiba, I do know this latest headline from the National Enquirer sounds like a load of lies: Jennifer Aniston Goes To War With Charlize Theron Over Relationship With Her Ex-Husband Brad Pitt.
So the rumor is, Charlize and Brad are dating, which honestly he is a step up from Sean Penn, so I say go for it! He’s got kids, she’s got kids, maybe they’ll play together? Is this how these things work? I don’t know, I don’t have kids, just an abrasive personality and cats. Is that the same thing? I don’t know, but I can tell you it makes dating a cinch!
So supposedly Jennifer Aniston is texting Charlize to try to get dirt on Brad, and Charlize was having none of it and called Aniston out on her BS.
Friends, I just don’t buy it. Mainly because I feel like Jennifer Aniston is at least another ex-husband removed from Brad (she’s very private, ok?), and Charlize Theron doesn’t seem like the type to text.
According to the tabloid, these two have been feuding for years because they keep going up for the same film roles, which LOL, do you really buy Jennifer Aniston was willing to shave her head for Mad Max? I mean, that’s a movie I’d love to watch, but it doesn’t really seem on brand for her, does it? Conversely, I could kind of see Charlize as an aging Texan beauty pageant queen in Dumplin’, so…maybe?
Ultimately I don’t buy that these ladies are feuding because I like to think as grown a*s women who aren’t currently starring on a Bravo reality show, they have better things to do with their time than pick fights with each other. That said, if they have an all-out brawl on the red carpet during Awards season, it’s even money who would win. Both ladies have their strengths, so I’m not really sure who would come out ahead.
That, however, is a post for another time, friends.
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