This weekend, Lindsay Lohan attended a book club tea party where nothing happened. JK LULZ, she went to a Miami house party full of booze and coke and ordered a hit on Barron Hilton, little brother of Paris.
Remember when Paris Hilton was a person? Sigh. Good times, guys.
Anyway, Barron von Hilton (I added the von because it is better and fancy) was jumped after said party and got his face mangled, then posted said manglage to Instagram because that’s what the kids do these days. Mess-face selfie! *phone clicky sound*
Paris commented on the Instagrammed photo, saying “They both will pay for what they did. No one f***s with my family and gets away with it!!” Both here meaning the guy who laid the smack down upon the von visage, and Lindsay Lohan, who Barron accuses of “masterminding” the whole attack.
I don’t think Lindsay Lohan could mastermind a trip to Trader Joe’s, but since she and her team are saying she’s innocent, clearly she’s not because history. Also, she says she wasn’t even there and there’s video evidence that she was, so, yeah, history.
So throw on your boho-chic giant sunglasses and hideously unflattering sundresses because it’s 2006 up in here! Everyone sing some Panic! at the Disco and that “‘cause you had a bad day” song!