As we head back into the week after the long weekend, I felt like we might need something a little lighter to ease us back to reality. So let me introduce you to your new favorite party game: Horse-Muffin-Bird. The rules are fairly simple. Everyone’s physical appearance can be described using two of the three categories (horse, muffin, or bird for those of you not reading along at home) where one is the dominant and one the recessive factor.
For instance, Pajiba favorite John Oliver is a Bird-Horse.
He is both birdy and horsey, but his bird qualities just slightly overwhelm his horse ones. To illustrate, Personal favorite Jeremy Allen White is Oliver’s inverse: Horse-Bird.
If there’s ever been a more perfect example of Muffin-Bird than Amber Ruffin, I don’t want to know about it because she’s perfect, and I want her in all the things.
Although I should clarify that “muffin” in no way implies “diminutive” since Dwayne Johnson is a clear case of Horse-Muffin.
As is Haley Atwell.
Now, you might be asking “Can a person have both dominant and recessive factors from the same category?” Which you would also ask if you’ve never seen obvious Bird-Bird person Rooney Mara.
Further it should be pointed out that none of these categories carry with it a statement on the attractiveness of the person. Calling someone a horse, for instance, might sound like an insult until you remember Flawless Person Viola Davis is a Horse-Horse, and clearly gorgeous don’t make me end you.
There are plenty of combinations and celebrities that I haven’t covered, so feel free to add them in the comments. But for the love of god, people, stick to the spirit of the game. This is a fun game; it’s not supposed to be mean or gross. I’m just asking everyone to kindly describe strangers as a combination of two animals and a food. Let’s not make it weird.