One of the things about being a self-appointed ghost hunter is that I have the unwelcome and unasked-for task of examining celebrity home tour videos and looking for any signs of ghosts in their abode. I mean, sure—no one wants me to do this, but the amateur ghost hunter must walk their own path, regardless of protestations. As such, it was with heavy heart (and a stomach full of pop rocks and Doritos) that I watched Jojo Siwa’s tour of her newest home, looking for signs of any spooky entities. The results may shock you, but only if you haven’t been paying attention.
Here is the video:
We’re a minute and twenty seconds in, and I can definitively say, Jojo Siwa’s home is most definitely haunted. I don’t need to see anything more, this screenshot cinches it for me:
A little word to the wise, if you don’t want to attract ghoulies and beasties into your home, don’t display headless mannequins in your entryway. That is a direct invitation for some weird stuff to enter your home. When this happens, expect the bodies to subtly move throughout the day. You’ll come down in the morning and find that perhaps their arms are a quarter of an inch lower than you remember. Or the bodies are slightly changed in their position to greet the sun.
As if the guaranteed hauntings weren’t enough, Jojo keeps an altar offering of sweets on the ready for anything else that might visit her home, at any given moment, as demonstrated here:
If you don’t want to attract roaches or fairies, you need to keep food hidden away. That’s science. To have an abundance of sugary offerings available at all times? I mean, Jojo Siwa is begging for the fae to show up, here. If that happens, don’t enter their circle, and for the love of God, don’t eat any food they offer you!
I don’t want this to be all doom and gloom, but I am also very worried about vampires for the Siwa family. See, at 1:06 in the video, Jojo clearly invites all viewers into her home with the greeting “let’s go into my house!”
Anyone who has ever seen The Lost Boys, or dealt with a vampire infestation of their own, knows that the one thing you mustn’t ever do is invite a vampire into your home—because then they are allowed to enter. You do not want a vampire in your home, friends. It doesn’t end well for you (the vampire is usually very pleased with this arrangement though.)
Now, I’m unable to confer with the other experts in my life (my friend Jason) to see if an invitation via YouTube counts as a real invitation for vampires, but I can’t come up with a reason why it wouldn’t. That means that she’s basically given all vampires an open house invitation to come, which isn’t good.
So, in fewer than three minutes of an almost 12-minute video, I’ve been able to determine that not only is Jojo Siwa’s new home haunted but that it’s about to be overrun with fairies and vampires.
If you learn nothing from this post today, other than that a 16-year-old has a home much more luxurious than most people could ever afford, it’s that you never welcome anyone into your home on a house tour, even via a video. The correct way to deal with this is to open your door, turn around, and see if someone follows you. If they do, they’re not a vampire. If they don’t? Get your holy water ready and be prepared to run.
Image sources (in order of posting): Jojo Siwa/YouTube,Jojo Siwa/YouTube,Jojo Siwa/YouTube