One of the questions I get asked most as the resident Pajiba Thirst Queen for The Rock is: Kate, we know The Rock is hot, but do we know if he’s good?
This is a matter I’ve pondered over many times in my life and is not something I take lightly. A man’s character is important and is something that one must take into account when deciding the ancient, yet eternal, order of f*ck, marry, kill. So today, friends, we’re going to discern what The Rock’s character is, utilizing the greatest character discernment tool there is: The ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ Character Alignment Method.
For those of you not aware of the character alignments (for shame!) there are 9 character archetypes that are a combination of either lawful, neutral, chaotic; and good, neutral, evil.
So, for example, our current president is clearly Chaotic Evil. The description of which is: A chaotic evil character does whatever his greed, hatred, and lust for destruction drive him to do.
Another example would be our previous president, Obama, who, after some internal debate with myself, I believe to be Neutral Good. Which means “does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them.” Obama isn’t Lawful Good, because I think he attempts puts the good of people above the rule of law. But I digress, let’s get back to The Rock here.
So, off the bat, I believe we can dismiss any notion of “Evil” alignment for The Rock. There’s nothing in his public persona that would lead us to believe he’s a POS in that way, and also, my cousin’s friend works for him and loves him. If trusting unverified anecdotal evidence has taught me anything, it’s that you can take that to the bank!
So that leaves us with Good or Neutral alignments.
Additionally, I don’t think we need to consider Chaotic as a possible category for The Rock. I know Chaotic. I am Chaotic. The Rock, friends, is not Chaotic.
So that leaves us with 4 possible alignments: Lawful Good, Lawful Neutral, Neutral Good, and True Neutral.
Let’s dig deeper, shall we? Here are some descriptions of each alignment.
Lawful Good: “A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act.”
Neutral Good, which I’ve already covered, but hey, I have a terrible memory. So if you do too, here it is again: “A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do.”
Lawful Neutral: “A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs her. Order and organization are paramount to her.”
True Neutral: “A neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. She doesn’t feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos.”
Next, we need to explore The Rock’s inner psyche through the best medium I know: highly curated social media posts!!
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Thank you Navajo Nation and all the Native Americans I’ve been fortunate to meet while filming here on this expansive and incredible land. I can see, but most importantly I can feel why your affection and protection of your land is so strong. The mana of your people and culture is very powerful if one just takes a moment to breathe it all in. Thank you for being so kind, gracious and welcoming to myself and our crew. Til next time. I’ll see you down the road ~ DRJ #navajo #location #jumanji
There is a lot to be said for what is going on here, but I feel like that’s a whole other 4,000-word post on the nature on the intersectionality of capitalism and indigenous peoples’ land, so I’m just going to leave it at that. For our purposes, we’re going to focus on the fact that The Rock said thank you, yet still, ya know, made money off the land by filming on it. This is a point towards Lawful Neutral.
The Rock is again practicing gratitude—I’m beginning to think it’s part of his ethos (after all, it’s also how he describes himself on Instagram: “Mana. Gratitude. Tequila.
And not necessarily in that order..”) Another point towards Lawful Neutral because part of the description is: “She may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard….” That standard is gratitude. Have I mentioned that enough, lately? Look, if this post were a movie, at this point we’d be calling it Chekov’s gratitude. But the rights haven’t been sold to this yet, so sit tight.
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As a man, it’s a whole other level when you hold another grown man with tears in his eyes. I’ve held a few. A few have held me. This man lost his mama and she used to compare us. You’re right brother, she’s looking down at us - and she’s proud of you. Also, your son’s a good hearted kid. Kept his composure as he tells me a difficult story. We may or may never cross paths again, but just know that moments like this mean the world to me. #BestPartOfFame #BestFansInTheWorld
Alright, this cinches it. The Rock is clearly Lawful Neutral. Why? Well, because he has no problem putting the other person’s emotions on display, potentially causing them embarrassment (thus, neutral) because the overall interaction fits within the personal code of ethics (thus, lawful.)
Well, friends, there you have it. A definitive ranking by someone who neither knows The Rock nor plays Dungeons & Dragons, so obviously my judgment is final and incontrovertible.
Play me out, keyboard cat!
Header Image Source: Getty