2018 isn’t over yet—so it’s only appropriate that we’re closing the year of WTFs on a (admittedly minor) WTF note. Ed Sheeran, supposedly, will be a stormtrooper in the new Star Wars movie, because sure? Why not?
It’s reported by Vanity Fair via The Sun (so you know this is legit) that he is shooting scenes as a stormtrooper (with mask on.) If this turns out to be true, he’ll join Daniel Craig and Princes William and Harry as uncredited stormtroopers, who have already made cameos in the new trilogy.
This isn’t Sheeran’s first rodeo—let us never forget his random placement in that one Game of Thrones episode, or how he popped up out of nowhere in Bridget Jones’ Baby.
Look, I’m not in the habit of digging too deeply into things, but something is a bit fishy. Why does Sheeran keep appearing in these weird cameos that don’t really have much to do with anything?
…Unless Sheeran is a good luck talisman, brought into productions in order to ensure a smooth shoot and healthy returns. I mean, it makes sense. Why else would this happen? This is the modern-day equivalent of breaking a bottle across a ship’s bow upon its first launch in order to ensure a safe vessel. You want to make sure you have a happy shoot? Bring on Ed Sheeran for a cameo, lest the production be plagued by evil, illness, and delays.
I mean, sure, we can take that on face value—but if Sheeran’s the antidote, could he have perhaps been the cause of the ills that plagued productions, to begin with? Friends, as soon as I wrote that, the lights flickered in my luxury yurt, and I heard a strange, malicious giggle outside my window. Now there is scratching on my windows.
Oh no. It has come for me.
Please, quick, send an acoustic guitar. It’s said that is the only object that can stop a Sheeran from raging total destruction upon your home and hearth. They are entranced by the instrument and are incapable of being around one without picking it up and immediately beginning to sing soft, acoustic love songs designed to lull you into a daze.
I shall wait for your package. If you don’t hear from me again, know that this was all in vain, because the Sheeran will most certainly strike again in another beloved franchise. He simply cannot be stopped, and his power grows stronger every day.
Header Image Source: HBO