Friends, I frequently shout out “f*ck” at things all the time, and it is rarely if ever, met with applause. I guess that’s one thing Helen Mirren and I don’t have in common because she recently yelled out “f*ck Netflix!” and you’d think she’d have finally proven Terrence Howard right, that 1x1=2.
No, friends, Helen Mirren said the following at CinemaCon, and the world rejoiced. Per Variety:
“I love Netflix, but f— Netflix!” Mirren cheered onstage at CinemaCon, the annual convention of movie exhibitors, on Tuesday. She was met with thunderous applause while talking up her new film “The Good Liar” at the Warner Bros. presentation.
Mirren continued to preach to the choir, saying, “There is nothing like sitting in the cinema.” She also thanked the group of exhibitors for giving her the best up-and-coming actress award years ago at the start of her film career.
I mean, sure. Helen Mirren is a movie star, who I’m sure goes to the movie star movie theater none of us know about, where the floors are never sticky, people don’t constantly get up throughout the damn thing, no one uses their phones to scroll social media halfway through the movie, and nobody ever, EVER chomps on their popcorn with their mouth open so the entire theater can hear them.
Hell is other people, so sayeth Sartre and so sayeth me. Every time you watch a movie in the theater, you’re playing Russian roulette with your comfort. Is someone going to breach the uneasy social contract we all make when we venture out in public? Are they going to be mindful of your experience, too, or are they going to throw caution to the wind and eat their steamed asparagus and slurp their soup that they smuggled into the theater, while taking a phone call halfway through, because they paid to be there, and they’ll do what they please? You just never know what experience you’re going to get, do you?
That’s not even taking into account the money you spend. Oh, friends, the money. Every time I go to the movies I pay $5 for parking, $14 for snacks (I must get popcorn to drown out the sound of other people chomping on theirs. Misophonia is real, friends), plus the $20 I spend a month for AMC A-list. I’m fairly fortunate that I don’t have to budget to go to the movies, but I am not in the majority for that, I’m sure.
You know what is fairly easy to budget for? The $9 a month you pay for a singular Netflix subscription. Popcorn is also cheaper when you make it in your home. As is soda. Plus, you don’t have to put up with strangers infringing on your enjoyment. You can pause for a bathroom break. Put on closed captioning if you want, and even watch in your birthday suit, because you can go nekkid in your own home, and so far that is not a luxury afforded to us in movie theaters—and let us hope that it is never granted, either. Additionally, you get to watch it in the sanctity of your own couch, in your own filth, rather than on a movie theater’s seat sitting in thousands of other people’s filth.
So, I dunno. Netflix has its time and place, Helen—and I think she’ll agree. There’s no need to f*ck Netflix, unless that’s how you roll. Then, friend, do it to your heart’s content because you’re in your own home. There’s room for it all in this crazy, mixed-up world of ours. Or as I like to say: F*ck it, you do you! Enjoy going to the movies, or enjoy staying home. Life is a rich tapestry, and we’re all better for it when we live our lives our way. Just as long as living your life your way doesn’t involve using your f*cking phone in a f*cking theatre, ok?
Header Image Source: Getty