Gwyneth Paltrow Won't Be Cooking Dinner for Sam Altman After All

Gwyneth Paltrow just wants you to live your best life. That’s why she’s so dedicated to shilling every kind of snake oil imaginable for the right price. Sex dust, emotional vampire repellent, jade eggs for you-know-where, and candles that smell like her you-know-what… She’s just so altruistic and caring. Queen GOOP knows a good money-making deal when she sees one, and if it’s ethically corrosive then she’s even more excited. Consider her recent ads for 51 Park, a luxury real estate project in Israel. Gwynocide Paltrow, anyone? So, nobody is surprised that she’s leaping into bed with AI. Well, now she’s having second thoughts.

Earlier this month, Puck reported that Paltrow planned to host an intimate, “private, off-the-record” al fresco dinner in honour of OpenAI CEO and useless sack of beans Sam Altman. The invitation for the “private, off-the-record dinner” circulated online, and immediately, people called it out for being, you know, the absolute worst. It wasn’t a shock that Paltrow was the latest big-name celebrity cozying up to the plagiarism machine and its clueless overlords. Frankly, we expected it of her way sooner. But it was no less revealing. The uber-rich always want to find new ways to get richer, and NFTs worked out so well for Goop (she was one of several A-Listers sued as part of a class-action lawsuit over claims they misled their fans into buying Bored Ape Yacht Club NFTs so that they could pump up its value and cash in on the profits.) What do we think Gwyneth uses ChatGPT for? More uses for those vagina eggs? Reminders of which Marvel films she was in?

Paltrow initially responded to the backlash by sharing snarky fake invites for dinners in honour of fictional characters like Shrek and M3GAN. But, according to People, the pushback got to her and she has decided to postpone the dinner, probably permanently. The party likely won’t happen,” says the source. Poor ickle Sam is sad about this. “He does not want to be persona non grata in the Hollywood world. It hurts him that he casts a shadow at high-profile events,” a separate source told the publication. Boo for him. Maybe he can get Jimmy Fallon to ruffle his hair.

Sam Altman needs to be considered cool and popular to sell OpenAI to people like us. He and his ilk are desperate to have the cultural cache necessary to dominate spaces like the entertainment world and get the money to save his sinking ship. OpenAI is not profitable, not even close. They are desperate for any kind of clout that will help to improve their images and make them investment-ready. But AI right now, at least the kind that ChatGPT is polluting the planet with, is deeply uncool. It is slop. It is theft. And it’s creepy as hell. Sam Altman is also too charmless to spin this as for the betterment of mankind. What do you mean that you don’t know how to raise your own kids without AI? Are you seriously making a podcast of their lives rather than talking to them? And you think getting GWYNETH PALTROW on your side will make people like you? At the very least, I imagine he was hoping to get to the likes of Ryan Murphy and Kevin Feige. Not anymore. Cook your own casserole, Sam.

But of course Paltrow isn’t abandoning her money-making plans. She’s still invested in several AI companies and is pals with people like Trae Stephens, a war profiteer. Some things are beyond parody.