Sometimes it’s hard to remember 1996 wasn’t yesterday, but then you realize Gwen and Gavin haven’t been 4-eva for at least 2 years, and that love is dead. Well, maybe you don’t go that far, but the days of “I’m Just a Girl” Stefani are long gone, and she’s moved on so why haven’t we? She’s moved on so much that she’s all set to get engaged at some point in the near future. This is news, ok, at least according to Us Weekly.
So if you were holding out hope that Gwen would leave Blake and get with another’90s rock star, like I don’t know, the lead singer of Third Eye Blind, you’re not going to be happy this is happening. For everyone else, your feelings probably vary from very mild to mild, with the rare few who will feel moderate to extreme.
Is it weird that their people (you know it’s their people) are telling us they’re getting ready to get engaged? Absolutely! I’m too lazy to check, but do they have an album, tour, or another season of The Voice to promote soon? Or maybe their love is a love that works on a set timeline. I don’t know. The heart wants what the heart wants, people. I guess their collective hearts want to let us know about every milestone in their relationship. To that I say…
I like Gwen because I was 12 in 1996 and basically everyone in my age bracket that I knew either wanted to be Gwen, Aaliyah (who would have been 40 today), Shirley Manson, Selena, or Chili from TLC. I was a Gwen girl, which honestly looking back at the list, may not have been the best camp to be in, but I choose my choices. I’ve been with her since then, and while I died inside during her weird phase when she used live human beings as accessories, which definitely dampened my love for her, I still ultimately want her to be happy. If that means Blake Shelton, then by god, so be it.
Here’s the deal though, when they announce their engagement I’m not sure if you’re supposed to act surprised, but I’m ninety percent sure they will want you to act happy, so you’ve been warned. So get it out of your system now, because she will never be the sixteen to Gavin’s stone ever again.
Listen, I know, some of you want her to:
But look, Gwen doesn’t want…
So…if you think Gwen is saying to Gavin that she’s:
Shirley Manson has some words for you:
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