Chrissy Teigen Knows Who Bit Beyoncé in the Face
Social media has been absolutely aflutter since this morning when GQ printed a Tiffany Haddish story about an unknown person biting Beyoncé in the face at a party.
“There was this actress there,” continues Haddish, keeping her voice low, “that’s just, like, doing the mostest.” One of the most things she did? “She bit Beyoncé in the face.”
Haddish declines to name the actress.
According to Haddish, she and the actress continued to cross paths throughout the night, culminating in a brief standoff. The actress, at one point, told Haddish to stop dancing, which—good luck making that happen.
“And then Beyoncé and Jay-Z walked by me, and I tapped Beyoncé.”
Haddish says she told Beyoncé, “I’m going to beat somebody ass at your party. I just want to let you know that.” Beyoncé asked her not to—told her to “have fun” instead. (Haddish leveraged this moment into a selfie with Beyoncé.)
“Near the end of the party,” says Haddish, describing her final run-in with Mrs. Carter sometime later, “Beyoncé’s at the bar, so I said to Beyoncé, ‘Did she really bite you?’ She was like, ‘Yeah.’ I was like, ‘She gonna get her ass beat tonight.’ She was like, ‘Tiffany, no. Don’t do that. That bitch is on drugs. She not even drunk. The bitch is on drugs. She not like that all the time. Just chill.’ “
Great story, Tiffany, but WHO THE HELL BIT BEYONCE IN THE FACE?
Speculation has run rampant all day, but ground zero is clearly Chrissy Teigen’s Twitter account.
I can only think of one person who would do this. but I cannot say. but she….is the worst.— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 26, 2018
Who could it be? Is it Gwyneth Paltrow?
no I love her!— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 26, 2018
OK, it’s not her, but if we think about it really hard, apparently the identity of the actress was in our minds all along.
deep down, you know.— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 26, 2018
It’s Jennifer Lawrence, isn’t it?
I’m not sure who bit Beyoncé but I’m willing to bet a lot of money it was Jennifer Lawrence she be doin way too fuckin much— Zachary Fox (@zackfox) March 26, 2018
omg, do y'all think it was Jennifer Lawrence who bit Beyonce? She looks like the type— Sylvia "La Bruja" Brown (@VivaciousWritin) March 26, 2018
I've seen like 10 different people on my TL say that they think Jennifer Lawrence bit Beyonce. What does that say about Jennifer Lawrence?— Lady T (@VicTORIousGable) March 26, 2018
She would not be the most obvious choice, would she? In my estimation, that would probably be Lena Dunham, right? I mean, if you can imagine Lena Dunham being invited to a Beyoncé party.
Can we all just assume Lena Dunham bit Beyoncé, since no one (with common sense) likes her anyway?— Frederick Joseph (@FredTJoseph) March 26, 2018
Lena Dunham was the person that bit Beyonce and there’s nothing anyone can do to convince me otherwise— Diamond (@azaeliastanks) March 26, 2018
all i know is… lena dunham bit beyoncé— nani loca (@_ayannabrown_) March 26, 2018
But wait! Twist. Chrissy Teigen found out who it is, and it is NOT the most obvious person. Or the worst.
My initial guess was wrong. The real person? I *never* would have guessed. I’VE SAID TOO MUCH— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 26, 2018
Update it is NOT the person I think is the worst. IM DONE— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 26, 2018
Who could it POSSIBLY be? Teigen is not saying, but based on the list of attendees, and the fact that she is neither the worst nor the most obvious choice, Sanaa Lathan has become a fashionable late afternoon guess.
OMG y’all it definitely was Sanaa Lathan who bit Beyoncé…i heard it before, but it’s coming up again & she would be a random person to just bring up outta nowhere 😂 #WhoBitBeyonce— “Rose! Gimme those keys!” (@KillaMinilla) March 26, 2018
I’m hearing Sanaa Lathan bit Beyoncé pic.twitter.com/PqxNRDyper— Greer Childs 👳🏽♂️ (@immaculate__Jay) March 26, 2018
Some of the BeyHive is saying Sanaa Lathan is who bit Beyoncé, and it’s just random enough to be believable. 👀— Ashley Jordan (@AshActually) March 26, 2018
Is it Lathan? Who the hell knows? At this point, however, that’s the growing consensus, and honestly, if Chrissy Teigen doesn’t want the entire Internet to believe it’s Lataan, doesn’t she have a responsibility to use her knowledge to dispel that rumor?
I AM NEVER TELLING I’m scared I’ve said too much KNOWLEDGE IS A CURSE!— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 26, 2018
DAMNIT. The guilt trip I was putting Teigen on in my mind clearly didn’t work.
Whatever. I’m sticking with my original theory, backed by zero evidence other than the fact that she’s the last person I would ever think of biting Beyoncé.
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