Chris Evans is Here to Save the Day By Both Sides-ing Us to Death. Hooray!

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | April 7, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | April 7, 2019 |

Friends, I am not Chris Evans, movie star, but if I were and I was finally ending my almost decade-long commitment to the Marvel franchise where I had to be a super-fit superhero, my next step would not be to launch a political website that gets both the Republican and Democrat hot takes on an issue.

No, friends, I would sit atop my pile of money, eat Doritos all day (only nacho cheese flavor, because orange fingers be damned,) watch terrible movies, and generally enjoy the fact that I was no longer contractually obligated to be made of muscle. Hell, I might even get a face tattoo because I got me some f*ck you money now, and I don’t need to work again, ever!

Sadly, friends, the Chris Evans that is a movie star is launching a political site that will offer up both sides of the political argument. I’ll let Chris tell you about it in his own words before I rip him a new a*shole.

Guess the cat’s outta the bag :)

Thank you to everyone who has already participated!! https://t.co/yj5FrmlWFr

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) April 6, 2019

Yup, presumably that’s why Evans was in Washington last month with Rep. Dan Crenshaw, who thinks legislating my uterus is more important than making sure I have affordable health care or won’t be shot to death in public spaces.

So, here’s what Evans says the site will do, per a video of Evans asking members of Congress to participate in his new site that Yahoo! has up, if you care:

“For every question, we’re going to try to get the Republican and Democratic response,” said Evans in a launch video. “For someone who doesn’t know much about an issue, they can come and hear both sides.”

Ok, cool. Cool, cool, cool.

Friends, despite what our parents or teachers told us, or that obnoxious philosophy major in college who always tried to debate about every single thing and who was only at the parties because his roommate brought him along (let’s call him Chad)—there are not two legitimate sides to every story. No, friends, many times there is simply the right and the wrong take—however, to an outside observer (*cough* straight white dudes with money named Chris Evans *cough*) it may seem that way because when neither side affects you, it can appear like both are legitimate. Friends. They are not.

And look, for basically all of human history save for the past 50 years or so, this is how the world worked. Dispassionate white guys would philosophically debate the merits of “both” sides of issues they didn’t have a horse in the race with, and reach an understanding that they thought fair, but invariably would also protect the power structures that kept them at the top of the heap. Funny how that works out. So, I can imagine why former #BestChris would think this is not only a good idea, but a helpful one. (Spoiler alert: he is very, very wrong.)

But let’s take a closer look at some Republican stances with our current administration and see if it’s helpful to give both sides to these arguments:

Children are still in cages because they dared cross our border to seek asylum and hope for a better life.

My uterus (and yours, if you have one!) is still legislated to an inch of its life.

…however, pregnancy mortality rates have soared over the last generation, and the highest risk demographic is black women—specifically because they don’t have access to health care and are not getting support within their communities. Good luck with that, ladies. They’ll make sure you stay pregnant, but they won’t do s*it to keep you alive in that state.

The CDC is still not allowed to study gun deaths as a public health crisis. (You can thank the Republican-controlled Congress of 1996 for that because they passed the Dickey Amendment.) Sure, let’s get their take, why not? Extra points if they can do it with a straight face and not say “NRA and money.”

Hey, speaking of which: you can still buy automatic weapons in America, thanks specifically to the NRA and rural Republican voters.

We mustn’t forget our precious wall (which the Republicans deemed necessary to shut our entire government down over, which the republicans let happen for 34 days. Sure, let’s ask them why they did it, and give them a platform to rub our noses in it).

Friends—there is no good “reason” the Republicans have for the above issues other than hatred, greed, and a need to control. All they will do is spew their propaganda, like they do on Fox News, and have yet another platform to do it on—only this one is going to desperately attempt to be fair and balanced, which, hmmm, that sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Normally when a celebrity takes up a boneheaded pet cause I’m quick to either ignore it, laugh about it, or cheer them on (this is usually exclusively reserved for celebrities throwing massive cash behind their own weird supernatural beliefs—like Rob Lowe and ghost hunting.) However, what Chris Evans is doing is f*cking harmful, and the peak of privilege mountain.

This stupid site, based on the description of what Evans himself said was its aim, is going to actively harm people, and the reason he doesn’t see it is because it won’t affect him in the slightest. Ultimately what he is attempting to do with this site is debate other people’s right to being human and exist peacefully in this country. Questioning our right to be treated with respect, kindness, and dignity because he’s giving an equal say to the people who would take that away from us. Something he has no idea about, because it’s something he is always afforded because he’s a rich white dude.

Chris Evans has no skin in the game, which is why Chris Evans thinks he’s qualified to direct the game. He needs to sit this one out until he understands the gravity of what he’s doing. He clearly doesn’t, but hey—that’s never stopped a rich white guy before, why should it now?