Greetings! It’s been a while. Truthfully, after I got saddled with writing about that woman complaining about the ills of being “too beautiful,” I took a six-month sabbatical and forced myself to eat two pizzas a day for a few months so I’d never have to encounter those horrible problems.
Anyway, when I asked what I should write about, the Overlords were customarily dismissive. “Just find something on Instagram, OK? We’re busy right now.” I’m sure they’re an hour deep into another debate on whether Eddie Redmayne is a legitimate actor or a front for Satan. Not that I would know, because I’m not invited into the work Slack anymore (I said I was sorry!).
Anyway, Queer Eye’s Antoni Porowski ran afoul of the Instagram’s rules and had a lot of photos deleted by the social media platform. I don’t know what’s wrong with Instagram, or why they have something against underwear, but Antoni Porowski can run afoul of my rules any day (my safe word is “Pierogi,” by the way).
I wish I looked that good before my morning coffee.
Before he deleted his social media accounts (WE’RE PULLING FOR YOU, PETE), Pete Davidson left this comment, which pretty much sums up my experience with this photo.
Elsewhere, Kristen Bell certainly doesn’t seem to be bothered by the cheating rumors that have kind of sort of but not really plagued Dax Shepard this week.
Ryan Reynolds and problematic Blake Lively elicited this response from problematic Hugh Jackman at his new (problematic) coffee shop. (I don’t know why Ryan Reynolds escapes the “problematic” label, because it’s not like he wasn’t at that wedding, but Dustin gets defensive when you call R-Squared problematic, and honestly, it’s just not worth getting into a fight with him about, because he gets real whiny and it’s annoying AF).
Chris Pratt, Katherine Schwarzenegger, and Jesus are still going strong. Didn’t Pratt’s publicist set them up originally? Or what that just a rumor? I don’t know. Whatever. Good for them. All I know is that, when I see the picture, the only winner I see is Anna Farris.
TIEGEN HAS GONE TO THE DARK SIDE.
She’s not wrong. But she’s not right, either.
You know who looks great in a bikini, though? Jason Momoa.
Anyway, there you go. You’ve wasted the last 45 seconds of your life. Maybe they’ll let me out of TK’s basement long enough to waste another 45 seconds of your life in the near future (oh, who am I kidding? You know those assholes are gonna put me on the Christmas schedule all by myself).