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Celebrity Parenting Round-Up: Vaccines and Diapers are Bad, Gwyneth's Life Is Hard

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 22, 2016 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 22, 2016 |

Welcome to a sporadic new feature that I will only run again if it’s popular and there are sufficient celebrity parenting quotes to sustain it. I think this will be a very valuable and useful tool to parents because how are we going to be better at raising our children if we can’t learn from famous people? They have so much knowledge because they are rich, and so much insight because of their fame.

Read. Listen. Heed their advice. You may never be rich and famous celebrity, but at least you can parent like one.

  • “I think the most important thing is to always be involved in every aspect of their life. To give them enough trust that they can share things with you. I don’t want them to be terrified of me, you know?” — Mark Wahlberg

  • “I’m not a single mom with two jobs trying to get by every day. I have much more support than most people, most women in this world. And I have the financial means to have a home and health care and food. When I feel I’m doing too much, I do less, if I can. And that’s why I’m in a rare position where I don’t have to do job after job. I can take time when my family needs it. I feel that women in my position, when we have all at our disposal to help us, shouldn’t complain. Consider all the people who really struggle and don’t have the financial means, don’t have the support, and many people are single raising children. That’s hard.” — Angelina Jolie

  • (Compare Jolie’s statement to Gwyneth Paltrow’s from last month)

    “It’s much harder for me. I feel like I set it up in a way that makes it difficult because … for me, like if I miss a school run, they are like, ‘Where were you? I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.” — Gwyneth Paltrow

  • [On elimination communication, i.e., why one shouldn’t diaper their infants and just let them shit in the house] “Infants who are left in their diapers all day get out of tune with their bodies … because they get used to walking around in a toilet, by the time you want to take that diaper away, it can be pretty difficult for a small child to relearn how to pay attention to this need and do something about it. So step away from the Pampers.” — Alicia Silverstone

  • [On vaccinations] While there has not been a conclusive study of the negative effects of such a rigorous one-size-fits-all, shoot-‘em-up schedule, there is increasing anecdotal evidence from doctors who have gotten distressed phone calls from parents claiming their child was ‘never the same’ after receiving a vaccine. And I personally have friends whose babies were drastically affected in this way.” — Alicia Silverstone

  • “If you do [divorce] right, it’s a much better life for the kids. I was determined to make sure that my kids still felt me in their lives after divorce. And then I was astonished to find out that they wanted to be with me all the time, that this was positive for them. … And also that motivated me to make a good life for myself so that the kids would have a good home when they came to my place. And their mom is a good co-parent; we’re good partners together, we’re friends and we’ve both I think done a pretty good job of letting the kids feel like they have everything. They have a mom and they have a dad who get along and who are both there for them.” — Louis C.K.

  • “[Being a Dad] is beautifully amazing, but you’re doing it for someone else and therefore it sucks. It’s boring. You get nothing out of it. You just have this thing that wants more … Any parent that has not thought about killing their child is a f*cking liar … You’re sleep deprived, which makes you insane … babies cry like a million times a day. And when you get to your fourth month, where every day has been like that, with no breaks, and you’re holding it, and you’re like, ‘I want to throw this thing out the window.’ And I’ll walk away. I’ll just get in my car. Drive away. And I won’t be a parent … I’ve thought about it a million times.” — Adam Pally

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    Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.