I went to summer camp, so I know all about summer flings. Well, actually that’s a lie. I know all about months long, achingly painful, unrequited crushes that end in heartbreak and humiliation to the strains of “Make It Real” by The Jets at the end-of-summer dance. But there are plenty of other people who know the particular delights of summertime romance. Celebrities (who, as it turns out, really are just like us!) seem especially prone to the fleeting nature of temporary romance. Of course, sometimes what starts out as a fling, eventually leads to something more (and in many cases, eventual divorce). So there’s really no telling who’s just in it for the beach frolics and the corn dogs, and who’s in it for the long haul. Which new(ish) celebrity pairings will make it through the humid August nights and live to see the first turn of the leaves, and which ones will be pulling a Danny Zuko by Labor Day? I’m going to lay down some odds on a 10 point scale. Zero points = Broken up before I finish this sentence, 10 points = Christmas with the future in-laws!
Up first, The Prattenegger!
Chris Pratt & Katherine Schwarzenegger Look Smitten on Picnic Date https://t.co/9qkgP5dfDp— TMZ (@TMZ) June 18, 2018
Us Weekly reports that recently divorced Chris Pratt, and Arnold and Maria’s daughter Katherine Schwarzenegger, are dating. Maria introduced the pair and thought they would be a good match because “they’re both active in the church”. The two were papped having a picnic lunch together last week and Us thinks things are “heating up”. Chris seems like a serial monogamist, and given Katherine’s pedigree and the fact that her mom set them up, these two are going to have to milk this one for a while if they want to maintain their wholesome image. I predict they’ll be Instagram official by Thanksgiving.
8/10 partially deflated beach balls.
Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson
Pop singer Ariana Grande and SNL alum Pete Davidson came out of the gate hot and heavy. They’ve only been together since May but they’re already engaged, have matching tattoos and publicly announced Pete’s dick size to the world (10 inches if you must know). Their union has all the hallmarks of a high-speed train wreck. It’s too much too soon. Yet… yet… I can’t help but think these two crazy kids just might make it! To October 9th.
4/10 broken flip flops.
Adam Rippon and Jussi-Pekka Kajaala
Nothing says summer fling quite like a Tinder hookup (which is indeed how these two met), so one might assume figure skating phenom Adam and his new Finnish boyfriend won’t last long. But you never know! Although, the odds are against them. Adam is new to celebrity, and after showing his bare apple bottom for an ESPN spread, he’s new got admirers coming out of the woodwork.
Jussi may have to fight to keep Adam’s attention. He may want to consider bringing Adam to his homeland for some pony trekking, or camping, or just watching TV; if he wants to keep Adam’s head turned.
5/10 tablespoons of crotch sand.
Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas
This globe trotting duo have been rumored to be an item since they showed up arm-in-arm at last year’s Met Gala. But they were “just friends” at that time. That was then, this is now. They kicked off the summer together with a Memorial Day Weekend yacht cruise followed by a flurry of international jaunts. Priyanka went to Brazil to watch Nick perform in concert, and they attended his cousin’s wedding together in New Jersey. They also took a 2-week trip to India where Nick met Priyanka’s mom. Wedding dates and meeting a parental unit sound serious. And these two are too calculated to do something rash like have an actual, spontaneous fling. This pairing lasts as long as the paparazzi still care.
While they’re not Instagram official yet, Nick did comment “That smile”, on this photo . That’s almost as portent as matching tattoos!
9/10 dropped ice cream cones.
Janelle Monáe and Tessa Thompson
While Janelle and Tessa aren’t officially a couple, we stan so hard for them I’m including them here. In a recent interview, Tessa said that she and Janelle “love each other deeply” and that they “vibrate on the same frequency”. As Tori already noted, no matter what the nature of their relationship is, those are beautiful and profound sentiments. We should all be so lucky in friendship, or in love. The romantic disappointments I experienced at summer camp were always just flinty, dappled shadows that paled in comparison to the hard and fast bonds of friendship I made there. Do you think I cried in the corner of the pool cabana as Chad or whoever danced with Becky instead of me? Hells to the no! My girls and I swayed to beat together and giggled our hearts out until the last balloon dropped.
10/10 competing tan lines