Celebrities You Should Pick a Fight With Before You Come for Cardi B
So, Tomato Lasagna, she of Fox News and freaking out about getting water on her because she’s seriously concerned she might melt fame, decided that she had nothing better to do on a Saturday (which is crazy, because there’s lots of things to stream right now) and opted to come for Cardi B on Twitter over Cardi’s recent comments over the government shutdown. That was really dumb, but we’ll get to that in a moment.
The important thing here is Cardi’s rebuttals:
Leave me alone I will dog walk you . https://t.co/FjqIzpUbvp— iamcardib (@iamcardib) January 20, 2019
You’re so blinded with racism that you don’t even realize the decisions the president you root for is destroying the country you claim to love so much .You are a perfect example on no matter how educated or smart you think you are you still a SHEEP! https://t.co/khRpoOt16B— iamcardib (@iamcardib) January 20, 2019
Some racist piece of trash tried to jump into the fray too, but Cardi shut his ass down as well.
Im paying about 4 million in taxes this year so most likely I am Paying for your insurance ….That’s if your favorite president don’t take my tax money for his wall Mr white bread . https://t.co/nm5l4lVhrp— iamcardib (@iamcardib) January 20, 2019
Look, we all knew Ms. Tommy Bahama was dumb as a box of rocks but to be honest, I didn’t know she was dumb enough to try to engage with in Twitter war with Cardi B (side note, if they ever decide to desecrate our childhoods by remaking The Princess Bride, I at least hope they update the “never gets into a land war in Asia” line to “never engaged in a Twitter war with Card B,” so that the kids understand.) There’s dumb, then there’s what’s-the-level-below-the-basement-of-stupid-people-headquarters dumb. Don’t come for Cardi B. She will eviscerate you, and then use your stringy, split end blonde extensions to clean the gristle of your mangled corpse from her teeth because that’s how little of what will be left of you.
No, friends, if you’re going to come for a celebrity on Twitter, you need to make safer choices, I’ve compiled a list for you here:
It will take him days to get back to you with a sick burn, and by then people won’t care anymore. (Although to be fair, people don’t care about him now, either.)
His account is incredibly bland and I’m fairly sure the mean things you want to share with him will never cross his path, which means you won’t have to endure a response that will be the written equivalent to laughing maniacally and staring at you dead-eyed.
He’s just too nice to read you to the filth that you are, and will let it go because he’s assuming you are having a bad day and everyone deserves a pass now and then.
Honestly everyone is always coming for him all of the time anyway, and I’m fairly sure he’d appreciate the attention you’re paying him.
She is very dumb, and will not be able to come up with a sick burn—as an added bonus Cardi B may jump in because she just enjoys picking on Aryan Barbie from time to time now that she’s gotten a taste for it.
The point is, don’t come for Cardi B, because it’s very clear she is smart, quick on her toes, and better at it overall. Also, people like her more than you so if you do manage to get into it with her, literally the only people in your corner will be racists, idiots, and Nicki Minaj.
Header Image Source: Getty
- With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: Voting for the Pajiba 10 Begins Now
- Spoilers: Digging into the Runes Throughout ‘Midsommar,’ What the Hell They All Mean, and the Easter Eggs Ari Aster Hid Throughout
- By Erasing Oasis for a Cheap Joke, ‘Yesterday’ Also Does One of Its Only Female Characters a Disservice
- Review: Tom Holland Is Perfect In 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' Even as the Story Struggles
- On the Spectacular 'Evvie Drake Starts Over' and the Time NPR's Linda Holmes Twitter Shamed Me