BTS Are Breaking Up the Wrong Way
I love boy bands. It can’t be helped. Ever since I encountered my first, New Kids on the Block, I have had a love that is deep and eternal for the genre.
So if you’ve come here to have some light, gleeful mocking that BTS have decided to go on “hiatus” you’re in the wrong place, pal. I’m ticked off about the whole thing, but I’ll get to that in a minute.
Let’s focus on the news at hand: BTS, or the Bangtan Boys, announced yesterday that they are taking an extended hiatus.
Their management group broke the news on Twitter:
[공지] 방탄소년단 공식 장기 휴가 알림 (+ENG) pic.twitter.com/fV4Aw5UNY4— BigHit Entertainment (@BigHitEnt) August 11, 2019
Per the tweet, BTS will be taking:
an official and extended period of rest and relaxation
Friends, I’m sorry to tell you that the writing is on the wall for BTS, and frankly I’m irritated. I’ll explain.
See, there is a very tried and true formula for boy bands to break up, and it goes like this:
1) Super successful boy band is at the top of the world.
2) One of the members really leans into their reputation as a bad boy. Perhaps he gets arrested, sets a hotel room on fire, or checks himself into rehab for his issues.
3) Rumblings start about how hard life on the road is for said boy band.
4) Eventually, one member leaves the group, citing exhaustion, wanting to spend time with their family, or are bold enough to say they want a solo career.
5) Remaining band vows to stay together and continue touring.
6) Band soon announces a hiatus that lasts indefinitely.
7) Band breaks up, but will come back together in about 10 years in order to capitalize on a reunion tour and possibly a fan cruise.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
This is the cycle. This is how it’s gone from New Edition, to NKOTB, to BSB, to One Direction—and BTS has broken that cycle and skipped straight ahead to the hiatus phase. Frankly, I’m irritated.
There is one deviation, and I’m willing to accept that BTS may go the NSYNC route, with one of their members announcing their intentions to go solo ala Timberlake leaving his bandmates in a lurch, but I’m not hopeful here.
There is a formula. BTS already broke it enough when they opted to have seven members in their group rather than the standard 5 (the older brother, the heartthrob, the cute one and/or the joker, the bad boy, and the shy one) and I was willing to let that slide because my opinion in these matters carries very little weight with basically anyone, but this cannot stand. Someone must be the Kevin Richardson/Zayne Malik/Justin Timberlake/Jonathan Knight/Bobby Brown of BTS and be the first to walk away publicly. Hell, most successful girl groups follow a very similar trajectory, and yet here BTS is, denying us this basic courtesy.
It cannot stand, but I suppose it must, because I am but one woman fighting a losing battle.
Anyway, it is at this point that I, as an elder fan (of the New Kids on the Block generation) extend my heartfelt sympathy to any BTS fan who may be mourning the news of the hiatus. Unfortunately, they are right on track to break up, and you have my sincerest apologies.
On the bright side, that does mean that a BTS cruise is probably on the horizon in about 10 years’ time, so start saving up now, friend.
If you’re lucky, their comeback album at that time will be as good as NKOTB’s ‘The Block.’
Header Image Source: Getty
- BTS Are Breaking Up the Wrong Way
- First Katy Perry Angered Nuns, Stole A Song, And Now She's Accused Of Exposing A Co-Star
- Immerse Yourself in Fictional Terror for a While. Or Don't.
- Mr. Mooch Goes to War
- 'Fear The Walking Dead' Is Bad