Bradley Cooper’s Hotness Is Unsullied by Your Hatred of Him

By Emma Chance | Celebrity | December 4, 2023 |

By Emma Chance | Celebrity | December 4, 2023 |

This being my first Pajiba 10 For Your Consideration post, I was surprised that Bradley Cooper had never been nominated. Now, I would not call myself a Cooper stan, and before you ask, no, I haven’t seen Maestro yet and I maybe never will. Have you seen what I write about? It’s not on my list. But this contest is, as far as I understand it, not about talent or virtues. It’s about hotness. Bradley Cooper is—I hear you starting but, I’m sorry, you’re wrong and you know it—objectively hot.

I look at Cooper, and I see a hot man, sure. Do I want to rip my clothes off? No, I’m more of the Andrew Scott persuasion, which is to say, I like my men to look tired, but I am a living breathing person and therefore I can recognize crowd-pleasing hotness when I see it, and Cooper is nothing if not a crowd-pleaser. I have written about him several times this year, and I have seen in the responses to those stories just how far his hotness reaches. He appeals to young and old, far and wide.

Do you want examples? Okay, there was the time he hosted Taylor Swift and her buddies at his apartment and was interrupted by his art dealer: hot. There’s his recent relationship with Gigi Hadid, of which his publicist said, “Bradley is getting older. At some point he might say, ‘I like getting up and seeing her face, and having a cup of coffee with her.” Don’t even try and tell me that’s not hot. Then of course there was the time Brooke Shields came to in an ambulance after having a tonic-clonic seizure, and Bradley Cooper was holding her hand, having been the nearest helpful person after Shields’s husband couldn’t be reached, and when they got to the hospital everyone basically parted for him like he was Moses and they were the whimpering red sea. Come on! Hot!

And, sorry, but look at his face. He’s not just a conventional hot guy: there’s the chiseled jaw, yes, and the blue eyes, sure, but there’s also…something I can’t quite put my finger on. Call it je ne sais qoi, call it X factor, call it a great beard, whatever, that’s a face that’s nice to look at. He just looks nice, you know? Like, yeah, it doesn’t surprise me at all that an assistant called an assistant who called him, and he was the one to hold the hand of a suffering celebrity he barely knew. That seems like something the owner of that face would do.

But don’t take my word for it. When I’m not writing for Pajiba, I work retail (shocking I know that this doesn’t pay the bills), and my boss is an unadulterated Cooper freak. Here’s what she had to say:

“Perfect specimen of a man. Recovering alcohol and drug addict, which instantly makes him sexy—lived a dangerous life and has come through the dark to the other side. Tremendous actor, plays the asshole (Wedding Crashers) and then the other side of the coin so well. Blanking on which movie would be the antithesis of Wedding Crashers, but I know it exists. He’s a dad, which maybe just because I’m a mom makes him hotter. Also, he seems sincere and very open but he’s also mysterious. Like what really went down with him and Lady Gaga? The chemistry!”

I, too, cannot say what the antithesis of Wedding Crashers would be, but I am proud of her for using the word “antithesis.” She’s a mom and a business owner and has a great vocabulary, and she thinks Bradley Cooper is hot. Seems open and shut to me.