If This Isn't Your Kid, You Failed as a Parent, Just Go Ahead and Throw Yours Out
After spending no less than 85 years watching a racist robot in a teenage skin suit dominate the headlines, I come to you with incredible news that suggests maybe we shouldn’t cede Kentucky to the mutants when the bomb hits. At first, anyway.
Enter Ace Davis. The 10-year-old child prodigy whose science fair project proved that Tom Brady is a cheater, which naturally crushed his opponents. This kid makes Elon Musk look like a Kardashian. And not even Kim. I’m talking always… says things… like… super… slow… while… eating… like… a salad… Kourtney.
From Yahoo! Sports:
Ace sought to prove that Brady was a cheater through science. He wanted to show that deflated footballs gave Brady a competitive advantage. On his poster, he included the results of experiments he did with his mom and sister. Each of them threw footballs of varying inflation, and he measured the distance of each one and calculated the average. He found that the least inflated football traveled the farthest, therefore giving Brady a competitive advantage.
Of course, he included more than that on his poster. He used a Brady deflate-gate meme, a picture of Brady crying, and a picture of Brady making a weird face. And for good measure, Ace added a picture of himself in his football uniform (Ace plays quarterback, just like Brady) with a giant green checkmark, and put a giant red X over a picture of Brady.
And yet somehow completely exposing Tom Brady as a weird, water-obsessed fraud isn’t the most incredible thing that Ace has accomplished. That would be his interview with NFL Draft Diamonds where he made it abundantly clear that he could take Tom Brady if not half of the Patriots in a fight. There are security teams memorizing his face right now.
Do you think Tom Brady is the best quarterback to ever play the game? If not who is the best quarterback in your eyes?
No, Joe Montana is.
My genius dude was just warming up.
Your project went viral on my Facebook Page and I being a Bills fan did not think it would I was just posting it for giggles, but I want to ask you why do you feel it was shared so many times? Do you think the rest of the world thinks Tom Brady cheats too?
Because it’s funny and people are tired of watching him in the Super Bowl. And Julian Edelman takes steroids.
Now’s the part where you want to start taking notes because I’m 100 percent convinced this kid can see into the future.
Tom Brady is back in the Super Bowl again, what do you think happens in the Super Bowl against the Rams?
Julian Edelman pushes everyone around, Gronkowski gets shut down, Gurley runs for 2 touchdowns, Brady plays terrible - three interceptions, Rams win 30-14.
And, finally, the kill shot.
If you could share a message with Tom Brady what would you say to him?
Gimme some of your money, you don’t deserve it.
Okay, I know the entire point of America was to unburden ourselves from the whims of a monarchy, but let’s just crown this kid king and see what happens. How bad can it be? Have you even read our Constitution? It lets anybody buy a gun. What the f*ck is that?
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