Did every creepy sexist f*cknugget see OJ f*cking Simpson tweeting and decide this was a good idea or something? Father’s Day really brought out the worst in The Worst Men. Remember, my friends and foes, it costs nothing to simply not tweet.
First, Bill Cosby. Yup, he is still alive. His official Twitter account sent out a link to his Instagram page, wherein he declared himself ‘America’s dad’. The Instagram link included an old video of himself preaching about the importance of strengthening black families and the history of the subjugation of African Americans. He ended his caption with the hashtag #FarFromFinished. Boy, that doesn’t sound like a threat coming from a man with decades of rape allegations to his name, eh?
Hey, Hey, Hey…It’s America’s Dad…I know it’s late, but to all of the Dads… It’s an honor to be called a Father, so let’s make today a renewed oath to fulfilling our purpose — strengthening our families and… https://t.co/TPEFC9iTZe— Bill Cosby (@BillCosby) June 17, 2019
View this post on Instagram
Hey, Hey, Hey…It’s America’s Dad…I know it’s late, but to all of the Dads… It’s an honor to be called a Father, so let’s make today a renewed oath to fulfilling our purpose — strengthening our families and communities. #HappyFathersDay #RenewedOathToOurFamily #RenewedOathToOurCommunity #AmericasFavoriteDad #FarFromFinished
But gee, I hear you saying, isn’t Bill Cosby currently serving three to ten years in prison after being found guilty of three counts of aggravated indecent assault? Why yes, the convicted assaulter of women is in jail right now, one without internet access to prisoners, apparently. So who’s sending out his tweets? What member of his PR team thought this was a smart idea? It’s a real ‘hold my roofied beer’ moment.
But of course, it wouldn’t be Twitter if we weren’t constantly being waylaid by jackassery. Our next contestant on the Wheel of F*ck You is Kevin Sorbo. Old Hercules took time out from his usual right-wing bigoted dog-whistle tweeting to send out a line of scathing social satire that puts him in the comedic ranks of stand-up heroes like Mike Huckabee.
If women are upset at Trump’s naughty words, who in the hell bought 80 million copies of 50 Shades of Gray?— Kevin Sorbo (@ksorbs) June 16, 2019
Boy, talk about being ahead of the zeitgeist with that tweet, Kev. You got any one-liners about airline food and Bill Clinton’s sax while you’re at it? Is Gallagher on the line-up with you?
The best thing about this horrendous joke, other than the misspelling of Grey, is that it’s stolen! This is an old joke you’ve probably seen a million times on Twitter, and the funniest part is that he kept the misspelling from all the stolen tweets!
Love to resurrect a 2016 bot greatest hit pic.twitter.com/Z6VQEye9fz— Jessica Shortall (@jessicashortall) June 17, 2019
I hate that chumps like him make me defend EL James’s crap, but come on! You think women enjoying a fantasy is the same thing as a tangerine despot bragging about assaulting women and legislating against our reproductive health? I’ll take ‘Stupid f*ckers’ for 500, Alex.
Anyone want to take bets on nostalgic figures from pop culture past who will turn up on Twitter to make us all want to scream next? Where’s Carrot Top when you (don’t) need him?
Header Image Source: Getty Images.