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An Extensive Investigation into Emma Stone's Qualifications For Her New 'Cabaret' Role

By Vivian Kane | Celebrity | August 20, 2014 |

By Vivian Kane | Celebrity | August 20, 2014 |



A week after negotiations started, Emma Stone has officially joined on to star as Sally Bowles in Cabaret on Broadway. She’ll be replacing Michelle Williams and Alan Cumming will stay on as the Emcee. I hear some of you wondering, though, if she’s really up to this job. Well, let’s go over some of her qualifications, shall we?

As we all all fully aware, she can give one hell of a commanding performance.


“But that’s lip syncing, Vivian. Don’t be stupid,” I hear you saying. You want to know if she can actually sing live. Well, why don’t you ask this VH1 reality show, circa 2004.


“But can she sing in German?” Why yes, yes she can.


“All right,” you say. “But pretty much this entire play is Sally shimmying around in lingerie. Can she pull that off?”

To which I respond, “That’s the stupidest f*cking question I’ve ever heard.”