In advance of next weekend’s The Force Awakens spectaulavaganza, a few other films will try to limp across the line to grab your cash before it’s too late. Their marketing folks are smart enough to realize that once Star Wars hits town, it’ll all be downhill for a while (at least until the winter streaming season, when in desperation, we lower our standards to get through those dark and frosty months). I haven’t seen either of these movies yet so I can’t vouch for their story content. But, what I can do is pull together the MSHR (Movie Star Hotness Rating) for you to factor in your PTCvSHTW (Possible Theater Choice vs. Staying Home This Weekend); after that, I’ll leave it to you professionals to decide. Not unlike The Force Awakens each of these films is stuffed with too many actors to list, but of the chosen eleven per, which awakens *something* in you?
Movie 1: The Big Short
I know nothing, but Rebecca has something to say about this one. For now, let’s focus on what we can tell from photos.
C’mon rawr, that’s hot!
Starring: Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, Marisa Tomei, Brad Pitt, Karen Gillan, Max Greenfield, Ryan Gosling, Finn Wittrock, Melissa Leo, Steve Carell, Rafe Spall, Hamish Linklater.
Movie 2: In the Heart of the Sea
Fish tail? That’s not really hot, unless you’re talking frying it up with the rest of the fish attached. But hold on, there may be another draw.
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Cillian Murphy, Ben Whishaw, Brendon Gleeson, Joseph Mawle, Sam Keeley, Frank Dillane, Paul Anderson, Benjamin Walker…okay, so a whole lot of dudes, because it’s back in the day when dudes were dudes, and dudes went to sea to prove how manly they were by fighting fish. Michelle Fairley and Charlotte Riley make appearances, but this one seems to be all dudes and fish and water.
Make your choice, people.