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You Wanna Screw And Eat Your Way To Extinction, America? Technology Is On Your Side.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Videos | Comments (16)

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First they came for the terminally lazy, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t terminally lazy.

Then they came for the turgid gamers, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a turgid gamer.

Then they came for our vaginas, and there was no one left to speak out for them. (Warning, graphic faux vagina image NSFW…or life.)

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Seriously, humanity, you had a good run. Just curl up and give over.









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Comments

Yes. The iVag.

Posted by: Odnon at January 25, 2012 1:03 AM

Did bathrobes become illegal? Did some evil wizard decide that he prefers ridiculous adult-sized onesies and cast some sort of spell over reality? Did these people forget how to work a blanket?

These are all questions with no concrete answers and until someone finds those answers I will continue to mock and ridicule anyone who buys those things and anyone who was involved in them.

Those other items are just good ideas...

Posted by: AngelArm45 at January 25, 2012 1:11 AM

I'll be more impressed when they make a game playing, hot pocket dispensing, vagina onesie. Sign me up then.

Posted by: Chromeburn at January 25, 2012 1:53 AM

Well, I never!

Posted by: MM at January 25, 2012 2:22 AM

If people needed a vagina attached to an ipad to figure out how to have sex with it, then they weren't trying hard enough.

Posted by: googergieger at January 25, 2012 2:44 AM

Wait...just gimme a sec...nope..shit...tight...ahhhh. Okay people, EVERYBODY TEXT ME NOW!

Posted by: admin at January 25, 2012 8:11 AM

That'll do, America. That'll do.

Posted by: Ghisent at January 25, 2012 9:04 AM

I'm on a budget here, so I've just got an etch a sketch and a sock.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at January 25, 2012 9:29 AM

Somebody get the smelling salts ready. Mrs. Julien is going to need them.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 25, 2012 10:39 AM

See, it's still not enough. You'll have to cut a hole in your Snuggie to use the iVag. And God help you if you get it mixed up with your Hot Pocket.

Posted by: Bert at January 25, 2012 11:32 AM

You never know, Bert, some people could be into a molten lava hot iVag. It takes all kinds. Clearly.

Posted by: noodlestein at January 25, 2012 12:23 PM

This gives a whole new meaning to the term "docking station".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 25, 2012 12:28 PM

Well I've heard that people really love their Ipads...

Posted by: logan at January 25, 2012 1:02 PM

Sex toys for straight men have never caught on past the niche market that they hold now, probably because it reminds us that we can't get a real woman (unless we're using them with someone else, and that's very rare).

I found myself snuggling with and caressing a pillow the other night. It was pathetic and sad and weirdly fulfilling. Give us something that makes us feel loved and we'll all buy it.

Posted by: Lucas at January 25, 2012 1:29 PM

"I'll be more impressed when they make a game playing, hot pocket dispensing, vagina onesie. Sign me up then."

Posted by: Chromeburn at January 25, 2012 1:53 AM

"They" would be my parents.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 25, 2012 2:44 PM

mrcreosote: I just shot a sip of water out of every orifice in my head (not on purpose) after reading your comment! And yes, my ears were included in the water shooting incident.

Hilarity!!

Posted by: helcat at January 25, 2012 4:12 PM