Wonder Woman Came Here To Leak Clips From Her Failed TV Pilot And Chew Bubble Gum, And She's All Out Of Bubble Gum
TV.com has obtained "leaked" clips from NBC and David E. Kelley's failed "Wonder Woman" pilot, starring former "Friday Night Lights" alum, and future former G.I. Joe: Cobra Strikes alum, Adrianne Palick as the very titular* Wonder Woman. Undoubtedly, the most famous thing about this attempt at a live action Wondy will undoubtedly be the shiny blue pants seen 'round the world. Which pants? These pants:
Interestingly enough, it seems either NBC or the show's producers were paying attention to the Internet's general bewilderment (as well as Its loud scoffing) and decided to ixnay the worst half of the Halloween costume. No, creepshows, they didn't go bottomless -- well, mostly. What she dons instead are only moderate improvements. You'll see.
Clip 1: Wonder Woman seems to be chasing Dean Pelton, likely after a weekly raid on one of the rest stops around Greendale Community College. She takes down her man, gives him up to the police, and then just... walks home? Some time later, she takes on the entire American Gladiators training camp, who are excited to get back to work after a union lockout or something. In this bit, Wonder Woman straight up murders a dude. Apparently, David E. Kelley's conception of Princess Diana of Themiscyra is closer to Jack Bauer than Linda Carter. And, hey, look! The pants may be pajama bottoms, but at least you she can actually run in those things.
Clip 2: The beginning of the second scene from Clip 1, wherein Wonder Woman shoves an American Gladiator, whose obviously bad at nicknames and deserves to be punched because the best he could come up with was "Chris," through a "high level security" gate. This also offers a decent glimpse of the Wonder Onepiece, and while it still looks like a Halloween costume, Adrianne Palicki (and her stunt double) has enough attitude to make it somewhat less laughable. Somewhat.
Clip 3: This clip is very DC Comics, in that it shows Wonder Woman is so conspicuous in this world that she can just go to the hospital to visit sick friends while being all decked out in her tiara and freshly pressed red, white, and blues. She does have the decency to not go in her underwear, so there's that. You'll also notice that her friend his named Willis, and for some reason he likes to quote Superman in a show called "Wonder Woman," acknowledging the good she does by saying, "Truth, Justice, and the American Way, right?" I was shocked she didn't snap back, "Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?" (Don't look at me like that, you know that's exactly why David E. Kelley named him that.)
Clip 4: Considering the hospital scene, I'm utterly at a loss as to why Wonder Woman doesn't also attend board meetings in full Amazonian superhero regalia. I mean, she talks about being "perfect" and normally walks around in broad daylight wearing a star-spangled swimsuit, but now she's lamenting that she's so perfect and has to walk around in a star-spangled swimsuit. Considering that this Wonder Woman is a famous superhero CEO who markets her super heroics as an action figure (and seemingly other marketable products) to pay for her super heroics, doesn't she set her own terms on what her superhero persona wears and how she markets those super heroics? I'm sure David E. Kelley wanted to craft a well rounded "human" character (which is already patently absurd because she's a demigod, but whatever), but he has just confused the issue by making Wonder Woman's womanhood oppressed with herself as the oppressor. Chubby Cary Elwes also seems confused.
So, the action scenes, while fairly unimaginative in their choreography and setting, weren't half bad when you could see what was happening. I especially liked the giant leaps and when she was hit by/ran into the oncoming car. Even adjusting for the unfinished effects, and the murder, the action was sufficiently actiony. And bonus, Adrianne Palicki (and her stunt double) didn't look out of place kicking ass and taking names. She might not have been Gina Carano, but she wasn't going to be Sarah Michelle Gellar, either.
But those two "dramatic" scenes. Yowza. Palicki managed to get through them fine, even though a crassly "tits" and "ass" Wonder Woman is probably not what anyone really wanted. Which isn't to say I don't want to see "edgy" heroines, super or otherwise, that just doesn't fit into Wonder Woman's mold. It would be like making Superman a weak-willed, do-nothing sourpuss who needed 10 years of never-ending encouragement to finally become a superhero. Oh, right. Well, I did watch the better part of "Smallville's" ten years, so I would have probably watched "Wonder Woman" for at least a season. Ah, well.
What is that behind Wonder Woman when she throws up the metal door? Is it? No, it can't be. Well? Is that...?
Is it? It is. That's the "invisible" jet? Ah, hahaha... Wow. Oh, my. Now I really want to see the whole pilot.
* After watching the clips, I think you'll agree, that joke isn't in any poorer taste than the 2011 "Wonder Woman" TV series would have been. 'nuff said?
Rob Payne also writes the independent comic The Unstoppable Force, co-hosts the internet radio show We're Not Fanboys, and is more than willing to go over the finer points of Wonder Woman's costume on the Twitter @RobOfWar. He wonders when the infamous crying-into-her-ice-cream scene will be unveiled? That's got to be a comedy golden lasso.
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