By Kristy Puchko | Twitter | September 26, 2016 |
By Kristy Puchko | Twitter | September 26, 2016 |
I tend to think I have incredibly bad luck when it comes to flying, often being seated near caterwauling children, entitled assholes, drooling dogs (literally), and folks who apparently don’t understand how hostile it is to kick off your shoes and expose the whole plane to the stench of your sweaty, stank travel socks. But today, I have learned to never again complain about these trivial travel woes. Because it could be worse.
Behold, the story of Girl at War novelist Sara Novic, whose seat mate was a doll so creepy we bet Blumhouse is reaching out to acquire its life rights.
Good news: no person in the middle seat next to me.
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
Bad news: terrifying baby doll that belongs to the man in the window seat next to me.
Apparently the TSA was frantically trying to match the name and birthrate he provided UNTIL THEY REALIZED…
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
Enjoy my red eye why don't i
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
He is going to Cincinnati to see the giant Noah's ark replica built to spec, and the creation museum. As a matter of course.
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
Happy waking nightmares, everybody. #especiallyheinous pic.twitter.com/1OVeEuHCTT
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
PS the doll's name is Barbara
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
I'm on her right side this time. In case you need a better view. pic.twitter.com/pXnO0KSIux
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
On the bright side, Barbara was a very well- behaved baby.
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
Faced with this unusual affair, you might have questions. You’re not alone.
@kateefeldman @NovicSara I mean first off, why but it a ticket when Infant In Arms is such a better deal? I guess Barbara is older than 2.
— Pröf-like Substance (@ProfLikeSubst) September 23, 2016
@NovicSara @shannonwoodward I mean who's to say that the doll isn't possessed by his deceased former lover. This isn't helping is it?
— edgarwright (@edgarwright) September 23, 2016
@shannonwoodward @edgarwright @NovicSara Obviously the doll is in charge, like in that Tony Hopkins movie, Magic. pic.twitter.com/bCVi5PNVJZ
— Ed Brubaker (@brubaker) September 23, 2016
@shannonwoodward @edgarwright @NovicSara Yeah, I think he's on his way back from a "real baby doll" convention, but just in case…
— Ed Brubaker (@brubaker) September 23, 2016
@NovicSara Barbara seems aware of the situation.
— Travis Nichols (@travisjnichols) September 23, 2016
@NovicSara thank you for flying Stephen King Airlines.
— cartogeek (@cartogeek) September 23, 2016
@NovicSara this is the scariest thing I've ever heard, you're in a Twilight Zone episode, please stay safe
— Lauren O'Neal (@laureneoneal) September 23, 2016
And perhaps the most pertinent question:
@NovicSara How will I ever sleep again?
— Nick (@NickEllis) September 23, 2016
In closing, whatever the function of this doll, not judging. That she had an evil face and her own ticket I stand by as strange.
— Sara Nović (@NovicSara) September 23, 2016
Kristy Puchko has six flights ahead of her this week. She will sleep on none. Her eyes must be ever alert for the Barbaras.