I'm Pretty Sure Dr. Pepper Was a Dentist

By Katelyn Anne | TV | September 30, 2010 |

By Katelyn Anne | TV | September 30, 2010 |

Only two episodes into their second season, “Glee” gave us another tribute episode (their third so far). It could have been a mess and been another crazy excuse to put Cory Monteith in platforms, but instead it was a nice reminder about how much fun Britney’s music is and how funny Brittany continues to be. The episode wasn’t perfect, though; there were the slightly off musical numbers and cringe-worthy character developments, but on the whole I had fun with “Brittany/Britney,” even if most of that was due to a certain person’s dance skill. Before we discuss the kick ass anesthetic dance moves, I’d like to bring up something that drove me crazy (only Britney pun, I swear).

Dear Will and Rachel: desperation isn’t a look that looks good on anyone. I don’t care how many vests you steal from the set of “Blossom” or Catholic school girl uniforms you wear a red bra under, the stench of self-loathing usually gets too suffocating to allow people to lust after you. It becomes obvious that Finn and Rachel not only have a relationship built on a lack of chemistry and excessive proximity, they also have an unhealthy hold on one another. Rachel says point blank that she wants to be the only thing to bring him happiness in his life and that their relationship will only work if they are both losers and so this means that he can’t join the football team. Boys and girls, if your significant other starts telling you that the only way you’re going to work out is if you sacrifice your desires and talents so that you can be a loser, it’s time to hit the bricks. Yes, it is high school, but that kind of relationship manipulation makes me sick. To make it worse, Miss Catch a Predator Bait was rewarded for her shenanigans. She threw Quinn at Finn to test him and he passed, only then was she OK with letting him fly like a bird.

Will, you’re not John Stamos. Your ‘vette buying, Spears singing, candy sucking ways were a weird attempt at loosening up. You’re a goober. And sometimes that goober mentality can be obnoxious, especially when you get the urge to rap, but you are who you are. Of course, that makes sniveling to Emma about not being good enough completely in character, but you need to remember that you made out with another woman while you were dating Emma. It’s not just that you’re more boring than a baked potato, it’s that you pulled a prick move and now you’re being punished.

Enough negative, let’s talk about the best part of last night’s episode. Can I marry Brittany and Santana? I mean, can I marry them without also having to get a show on TLC called “Sister Wives with No Mister”? Because those two are brilliant and I adore them. They need their own life advice show. Mostly because I’d like to figure out how to talk someone into giving me nitrous oxide for a teeth cleaning, especially since my dad’s not a doctor (not even a “tooth doctor”). Heather Mills got to shine as the perfectly dull Brittany got her moment. Brittany S. Pearce may not have the pop culture icon status as Britney Spears, but she’s certainly got her dance moves. Morris was originally hired as a choreographer for the show and she’s worked with several pop stars, including Beyoncé, and with this episode she got to show off her incredible talent. Her voice may not be the strongest, but I was blown away by her dancing. They really did a disservice to everyone by keeping her on the chorus line for so long. It’s interesting because when there’s a token dumb blonde most shows don’t try and add more dimension to the character, but with this we got to see Brittany’s insecurities about living in the shadow of Britney Spears and subsequent hallucinogenic triumph. Whoever has the task of writing one-liners for Sue and Brittany needs to be given a better parking space. Both actors sell the lines well, but the writers deserve credit for those gems and I can generally forgive them for pacing issues and storyline dropping when they add in such well-placed witticisms.

Speaking of which, did they just forget to address the part where Glee club forgives Rachel? Have they forgiven her? If there was no indicated resolution, surely there must be some lingering hard feelings. Last week they also booted Finn from the football team, only to bring him and Artie back on. Why did they create that conflict in the first place if only to write right over it? And giving Artie a weird “Stronger” solo is not an excuse.
Since they forgot to tie up a plotline, they decided to add another with a new love triangle. Strangely enough the new character actually felt deliberate and not just tacked on for the sake of having a cameo. And I have to say that I like Dr. Carl and Emma together. The wrench in the Will and Emma relationship works well and I actually prefer Stamos as the love interest over Morrison, of course that could be because Stamos has chemistry with a candy jar and I’d watch him flirt with anything. However, I do not like Jacob Ben Israel’s naked rear end and Sue Sylvester’s office chair together. Stamos’s sexy self was an image I needed; butt sweat and library masturbation was not.

While we’re discussing cameos, is Britney back, bitches? I think it’s safe to say that despite the fact that her weave is left in the dust of a failed MTV award show performance, that yes, the infamous starlet is back. Someone made a smart decision in allowing her to do “Glee.” Her cameo was surprisingly not forced, thanks to the fact that she only appeared in dream sequences, and she looked good. Congratulations Ms. Spears, thanks to a bigger train wreck in the media and better conservatorship, you’re now not the celebrity we all look to for a daily dose of crazy. Go forth and make catchy pop tunes with my blessing.

Her preexisting pop songs were done justice. Mostly. Brittany’s performance of “I’m a Slave 4 U” (what’s wrong with real words?) was one of the best musical numbers “Glee” has done in a while. Brittany looked so much like Britney ten years ago that it was red and green grapes level of madness and her dancing was amazing. Bravo, girl. I was also never a big fan of “Me Against the Music,” but somehow Rivera and Morris made it work. I was more than a little embarrassed for Rivera, who was stuck swinging and twirling awkwardly through the leaves while Morris kicked out the jams, however, Rivera more than made up for it with her vocals. Poor Lea Michele had to follow those two songs with a lackluster “…Baby One More Time.” I wanted to like the song, I really did and it’s clear Michele has an amazing voice, but honestly, the most interesting thing about that number was the lady dancer with the eight pack abs.

Then there was “Stronger.” Clearly, the writers didn’t get my plea about not making Artie a weirdo. He was fun and thoughtful last season and I was a little bit smitten with him, but a prophesy dream about a battering ram wheelchair apparatus with Tina sitting behind a “LOSER” sign? Really? Fine. We get it. Artie will get his day on the football field and this will somehow win Tina back. But hey! It’s not against the rules that a kid can be wheeled down the field as a battering ram, so it’s OK.

At least, “Toxic” was a fun number. The performance was likable in spite of Will pleading “Love me” to Emma with every hip-thrusting lyric. And Sue’s freak out over the sex riot was cute, but I have a very hard time believing that the woman who worships Madonna finds Britney Spears to be too risqué. That Paramore song, “The Only Exception,” should have been trampled by the crowds along with Sue’s spinal column. It was unnecessarily tacked on and only added to the bizarre Finn and Rachel romance.

Bad romances aside, “Brittany/Britney” had some wonderful moments. They got out of the rehearsal room that I was getting sick of and they let a talented supporting cast member show off. Much like the pop music that inspired it, the episode was fun and catchy and while there were a few grating bits, it was immensely entertaining. Emma and Will had a schmaltzy moment when they were rehashing their failed relationship, but the neurotic guidance counselor actually made a good point about Britney Spears and it seems as though the show decided to follow her advice and stop swallowing the grenade and rein its talent in.