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Year in Review: The 2012 Very Official TV Superlatives

By Sarah Carlson | Seriously Random Lists | December 21, 2012 | Comments ()


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Listen: We like lists around here, and 'tis the season for remembering the highs and lows of the past year. While the Station Agents are looking back on particular TV episodes, I'm going a more random route, doling out superlatives to some of my favorite series in categories that truly matter. Stay silly, deadly and beautiful, my small-screen friends.

(Update: OK, new warning: Some minor spoilers for "Boardwalk Empire" and "The Walking Dead.")

Best Snarky Buddy Comedy We'd Like to See in a Spin-Off: Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth, "Game of Thrones"

These crazy kids have some shippers, as well.

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Best Introduction of a Fairly Nonsensical Drinking Game: True American, "New Girl"

More than one person has tried to nail down all the rules for those of us wanting to play. JFK!


Best Use Of French, And the Best Imitation of Its Use: Megan Draper and Lane Pryce, "Zou Bisou Bisou," "Mad Men"

Godspeed, Lane.

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Best Use of An Object To Attack/Threaten One's Enemies

Second Runner Up: Al Capone, a fork, "Boardwalk Empire"

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First Runner Up: Maggie Greene, a zombie bone, "The Walking Dead"

The best part of this is how Glenn Rhee obtained the bone -- by ripping it out of a dead zombie's arm, natch.

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Winner: Nelson Van Alden, an iron, "Boardwalk Empire"

'Nuff said.

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Best Use of a Kid In a Series, In That He Is Pretty Much Inconsequential to the Plot: Chris Brody, "Homeland"

This is how it should be. Kids can ruin everything, especially in TV series. They're either precocious or rebellious and getting in the way and, again, ruining everything. Not Chris! Even his fictional parents can be caught looking at him as if they just remembered he exists. He is the anti-Carl of "The Walking Dead" (Seasons One and Two, mind you).

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Best Repetition of Heart-Grabbing and/or -Ripping Gimmick: "The Vampire Diaries"

The vamps on this show love this technique -- plunging a hand into another vampire's chest, taking hold of his heart and threatening to rip it out -- so much so that numerous clips would work as evidence for this award. Here's a nice one that is even tricksier than usual. (Hint: It involves one vampire inhabiting someone else's body! It could happen.)


Best Slurred Singing of Commercial Jingles: Drunk Uncle, "Saturday Night Live"

You said you were on our side, Nationwide.


Best Source of Random Catchphrases Perfect for Ringtones That Are Sure to Confuse Strangers: Jean-Ralphio, "Parks and Recreation"

"Technically I'm homeless!" is just so catchy, though.

Bring on 2013.

Sarah Carlson is a TV Critic for Pajiba. She lives in San Antonio.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • I need to make "Flu-uuush with caaaa-aaash!" into my ringtone.

  • You need only read the books to understand why there's a Brienne√óJaime ship. We fly our flag high on this mighty ship of insanity.

  • John W

    My favorite scene of the year is the Van Alden going all psycho on everybody with the iron.

  • Three_nineteen

    Soooo... Vampires die if you rip their hearts out? Is that new?

  • Natallica

    Also, I would love to see a spin off with Tywin and Arya. It would be the classic "old man teaches young rebellious girl a thing or two about life". Well, at least until she grows up and, you know, kills him.

  • BobbFrapples

    I apologize for being off topic, but why are the comments closed on the Les Mis review?

  • Blake

    Yeah, I was wondering the same thing...

  • danielwcarlson

    All fixed now. Sorry for the delay.

  • POINGjam

    I know everybody says it, but can y'all mark posts like this as being spoilery? I've been meaning to watch Boardwalk Empire since y'all started pimping it out, but I keep seeing fully-animated deaths of major characters with names and murder weapons written as captions.

  • The Boardwalk Empire deaths were spoiled months before this article was written. In fact, they were spoiled in the episode's summary article, if I remember correctly.

  • danielwcarlson

    A post about a year's worth of TV shows (many of them several seasons old) is necessarily going to discuss those shows in detail, or at least enough detail to discuss relevant plot points. At a certain point, we have to trust readers to police themselves.

  • POINGjam

    I get that much, but I'm not thinking that hard when I click on an article. I'm thinking, "Oh look, Pajiba wrote another article. Let's see what Pajiba has to say about things. Oh no, a show I wanted to watch, and that's a guy dying on it."

    All we're asking is to consistently see the word "SPOILERS" somewhere toward the top of the page for articles like this one. Up to y'all if that happens.

  • POINGjam

    People really don't like my opinions anymore. It used to hurt, now it feels like a challenge. Stop me before I turn into one of those people.

  • Jezzer

    I think what they're trying to say, nicely, is to either shit or get off the pot, but don't expect the rest of the internet to seal itself away in a vault until you're ready to discuss a show. At some point it stops being a spoiler and starts being history.

  • POINGjam

    Sure. Just seems recent is all, and sometimes there are spoiler warnings on Pajiba articles, so I'm not careful when there aren't any. Please, nobody reply to this, I'll have to keep explaining myself and we'll all be a little less happy.

  • Blake

    + 1. For a show that was ignored most of the year by the Pajiba folk they sure do reference it alot and post GIFs

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