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Why I Drink Now: My Newest Resolution Is No More Resolutions

By Emily Chambers | Seriously Random Lists | May 27, 2016 |


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Last fall, I did a post on my Labor Day resolutions (yes, it’s a thing. I’m making it a thing). And given that this weekend is the start of summer, I decided I should revisit those resolutions, and maybe make a few new ones. Let’s start with how I did on the last batch of self-improvement quests: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. So, yeah, I’m battin’ a thousand. In my defense, Steven Wilson was right. Resolutions are garbage, and I should stop making them. Just as soon as I get done with this list of resolutions of things I’m willing to settle for over the summer.

1) I’m Going To Stop Trying To Watch TV Shows
Four of my Labor Day resolutions were about making sure I watched TV shows. I’m not sure when TV went from being the lazy person’s entertainment to a cultured person’s obligation, but I’m done with it. I’m getting better at giving up on TV shows, and acknowledging that I’m just never going to get around to seeing that classic. (Yeah, I haven’t seen a John Candy movie. I’ll own that.) If I’m not actually enjoying something, it’s out. There’s entirely too much TV entertainment for me to feel guilty about not seeing Homeland through.

2) I’m Done Worrying About The Election
I’m in no way done with learning about and examining the ways in which our political system is fucked. Nor am I done supporting platform issues that I believe in *cough* $15-hour minimum wage *cough.* But the day-to-day ins-and-outs of the election itself are finished for me. My candidate seems hellbent on destroying his reputation by going after a nomination he can’t win, the presumptive next President is someone who despite my best efforts I just can’t care about, and there’s a garbage fire burning uncontrollably. These are all things I can’t fix by fixating on the gory details. So instead I’ll focus on my local elections, and trying to fix the primary system more than once every four years.

3) I’m Going To Keep Drinking Just As Much
True to what the commenters said on my Memorial Day post, how you drink is just as important as how much you drink. Now I (mostly) drink lighter beers and whiskey. Yes, that means no more wine or stouts, but somehow my Irish body metabolizes those first two like water. Provided I’ve had a healthy dinner and enough water, I’m mostly functional the morning after. So, hello again, my beloved 6-pack. I’ve missed you.

4) I’ll Stop Stressing About 99% Of Things
Basically every spring I get the same idea about getting Michelle Obama arms and running a marathon by the end of summer. I have a summer To Do/Visit list that’s 50 items long. I’ve got one list for all of the many books I never got around to reading, and another one for all of the movies I’ve never seen. And basically all of those things each summer?

They. Never. Happen.

So as of right now, I’m officially settling. My arms are fine, and I need to stop worrying about them. I can walk a few miles a day, and that’s good enough. I’ll check out that new restaurant if it’s convenient, but I’m not going to feel guilty if I hit up my favorite dive bar again. If some new place wants to become my favorite spot, then they’ll have to up their beer garden game.

There used to be a time when summer was less about the “activities” you got done, and more about just hanging out. Let’s all sit back with a 6-pack or three and do that again. I haven’t been wasting my summers by spending them with friends and family doing nothing; I’ve been wasting them by worrying about all the stuff I haven’t done. It’s bullshit, and it’s over. It’s time to say “fuck it,” people. Let the great settling begin.

Emily Chambers is lucky enough to live with her mother. Happy birthday, Kath.


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