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Why I Drink: My Labor Day Resolution Is To Drink Less

By Emily Chambers | Seriously Random Lists | September 4, 2015 |


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Monday is Labor Day. Which means in addition to Dustin finally unshackling us from our computers for 60 goddamn minutes getting the day off, we’ll also be seeing the end of summer. Maybe not the official end of summer, but the only end of summer that’s important in my neck of the woods.

I’ve decided this year to use the end of summer not just as a chance to revel in the fact that autumn is when my fellow gingers and I reign supreme, but also to make some serious life changes. And when I say “serious” I mean “start deciding which media and entertainment I’ll devote the most time and attention to”. You know, the important things in life.

1.) I will not disregard summer TV.
Summer TV has, by and large, been the worst. Bad reruns, worse reality TV, and maybe a couple of average-to-bad USA series with a pun in the title. But this year might have turned me around. Great summer TV isn’t relegated to only premium channels anymore. Mr. Robot, UnREAL and Playing House have proven three of the best series of the year (Mr. Robot might even be the second best show of the year). No longer will I pretend that summertime is a wasteland of pretty faces and terrible plots. And USA? I might even be willing to check out Suits after what you’ve done this year. Bravo.

2.) I will give Trevor Noah the chance to win me over.
Oh, Trevor. You and I have had a rocky start. I was so excited about you. And then things got a little weird between us, and I wasn’t so sure. I didn’t think you were a bad guy (nor, despite what some might say, was I outraged by this. You’d know if I were outraged). I just wanted some reassurance that you weren’t the same hacky comedian who posted that bullshit on Twitter 3 years ago. And I think you’ve done that. Now we just have to see how you do as a host. I want you to do well. I really do. I loved The Daily Show before, I want to love The Daily Show now. Dazzle me.

3.) I will put in the effort to watch Colbert.
When news first broke that Colbert was taking over hosting duties at The Late Show, I was mostly just disappointed. I figured he’d have to switch from Stephen Colbert /coal-bear/ to Stephen Colbert /coal-burt/. And Stephen Coalburt might be a fun, charming guy, but he’d probably be boring. He’d ask you to call him Steve. But whether it’s been his long absence from our lives, the departure of Jon Stewart, or how well Colbert’s been handling the marketing run-up to his premiere, I have done a complete 180. Bring me back my Colbert! Any form, any show, any way. I’m ready for it. And if I have to stay up until 11:30 to do that, I’m willing to make that sacrifice.

4.) I will try to understand the last season of Hannibal.
I watched every episode of Hannibal, and god help me, I just don’t understand the last season. In retrospect, it started going off the rails for me near the end of the second season. Was Hannibal manipulating Will? Or was Will manipulating Hannibal? Or were Will and Jack both manipulating Hannibal? Was Will actually running the long con on everyone? Wasn’t this show supposed to be about a dude that ate people? What the hell is going on? I thought the third season was overly self important, and at best lackluster. But I read both Cindy and Vulture’s pieces on the finale, and I think I missed something big. So I’m going back in. I’ll let you know if I change my mind on the finale, but mostly I’ll just be reminding you about all of the outfits.

5.) I will read more.
In my defense, I am currently both in school and have a part time job writing for the internet. Those things take up a lot of time. But I was shocked to discover the other day that I can’t remember the last new book I read (new book referring to a non- reread. I just got done rereading Angels in America, but that doesn’t count). We are a literate community, and I shouldn’t be falling so far behind on new books. Sorry, You’re the Worst and New Girl reruns. I have to leave you now.

6.) I will watch important movies.
In addition to not reading enough, I also haven’t been keeping up with all of the films that I should be. Not a good thing for someone who writes about pop culture and entertainment. So I’ll be catching up on all of the important movies I should have seen. And I don’t mean that Oscar bait bullshit. I’m talking about Vivian’s post “Movies You May Have Missed This Summer That You Can Watch Online Right Now.” I know not every movie on that list can be as good as Tig (seriously Tig is beautiful), but damnit guys, bad movies need love too.

7.) I will stop drinking as much.
Not related to pop culture, just a general note for myself. I’m no longer in my 20s, and I’m barely still in my early 30s. The dreaded two day hangover is now a very real thing. Time to start keeping it to a four drink maximum.

8.) I will watch Labor Day this weekend to celebrate the holiday.
Oh, fuck that. I’m going to start drinking instead.

Happy Labor Day, everyone!


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