"I'm gonna want the milk steak, boiled over hard; and a side of your finest jellybeans, raw."
"Viet-goddamn-nam's what happened! Go get me a beer, bitch!"
"Let me tell you a little lesson buddy. The cream always rises to the top, and I'm about to show you the white hot cream of an eighth grade boy."
"Oh get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, and fire into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies!"
"Let me pop a quick 'H' on this box, this way we all know its filled with the hornets."
"Cats do not abide by the laws of nature."
"And you've never seen me wash my testicles either but that doesn't mean I don't do it every Friday."
"I'm cracking eggs of wisdom!"
"Bro, I can handle my sedatives."
"Wang is all over my ass because of rent."
"We're gonna go America all over their asses!"
"See that door right there, the one marked "Pirate"? Do you think a pirate lives in there?"
"Your flip-flopping dude. If you keep flip-flopping im going to throw up in my mouth."
"It's not really a Golden Girls type conversation, it's a racist conversation."
"I will smack your face off of your face."
" I eat stickers all the time dude!"
"Spa? I feel like you're not finishing a word. Are you trying to say spaghetti?"
(On the TV show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition") "That show is basically about how awesome Sears is."
"Stop, stop, stop. All right not bad, good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. I feel like you're saying 'boy's hole,' and it's clearly 'soul.' And I know, Artemis, you did write 'soul,' right?"
"We're both men of the law. You know. We get after it. You know, we jabber jaw, we go tit for tat. We have our little differences. But at the end of the day, you win some, I win some, and there's a mutual respect left over between us."