"And you've never seen me wash my testicles either but that doesn't mean I don't do it every Friday."
"I'm cracking eggs of wisdom!"
"Bro, I can handle my sedatives."
"Wang is all over my ass because of rent."
"We're gonna go America all over their asses!"
"See that door right there, the one marked "Pirate"? Do you think a pirate lives in there?"
"Your flip-flopping dude. If you keep flip-flopping im going to throw up in my mouth."
"It's not really a Golden Girls type conversation, it's a racist conversation."
"I will smack your face off of your face."
" I eat stickers all the time dude!"
"Spa? I feel like you're not finishing a word. Are you trying to say spaghetti?"
(On the TV show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition") "That show is basically about how awesome Sears is."
"Stop, stop, stop. All right not bad, good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. I feel like you're saying 'boy's hole,' and it's clearly 'soul.' And I know, Artemis, you did write 'soul,' right?"
"We're both men of the law. You know. We get after it. You know, we jabber jaw, we go tit for tat. We have our little differences. But at the end of the day, you win some, I win some, and there's a mutual respect left over between us."