Welcome Back to Fox News. I'm Blonde

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (48)

I don’t watch a lot of Fox news, so I took it on faith that the Jane Krakowski Fox News crack — “Welcome to Fox News. I’m Blonde” — was an accurate satirical jab. But I looked it up this morning, because that’s the sort of thing I do. There are a lot of Fox female anchors, and many of them have the same hair color. Here are ten (and there are more).

Do you think they have a type? Because as I was entering these images into the system, I had to double and triple check to make sure that some of these women weren’t the same person with different names.

Courtney Friel

courtney friel hot hot.jpg

Juliet Huddy

juliet huddy 2 hot.jpg

Alisyn Camerota

Elizabeth Prann

Molly Line

Jane Skinner

Carolyn Shively

Ainsley Earnhardt

Martha MacCullum

Megyn Kelly

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Comments

These chicks were either grown in a test tube or sculpted by a plastic surgeon with unbelievably little imagination.

Posted by: Dugs at October 19, 2010 11:36 AM

By the way: "win a dinner date with Hilary Clinton"? What the Hell, FOX?

Posted by: Dugs at October 19, 2010 11:39 AM

Papa Snarker told me a few months back that he knows why they call it "Fox:" because it has so many foxy female anchors. Great, Dad.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at October 19, 2010 11:47 AM

These chicks were either grown in a test tube or sculpted by a plastic surgeon with unbelievably little imagination.

And using Ann Coulter as a template.

Posted by: idiosynchronic at October 19, 2010 11:49 AM

hehehehehe. I didn't notice that before, Dugs. I was blinded by too much blond. I wonder what would happen if I strung together all the tickers at the bottom of the page?

"Win a dinner date with Hilary Clinton DRUGS Anthrax at S&P this month, Specter said he was staying a repub and economic troubles, Iraq has third largest oil said he was checked for cancer, adding he's the international criminal court issued a DOW."

Yup, makes about as much sense as watching Fox News.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 19, 2010 11:50 AM

Fox gets its anchors from that same vat of DNA that Hef has been using to grow Playmates for the past 50 years. Except that, due to some hormonal tweaking demanded by Roger Ailes, Playmates are smarter and don't hate minorities.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 19, 2010 11:56 AM

Martha MacCullum looks like she is on-stage at a strip club.

And, fookin' Prann...

Posted by: dammitjanet at October 19, 2010 12:04 PM

Ah the joys of inclusion on Fox news: Bubbly with hair the colour of champagne. Cute, but not too cute, smart, but not as smart as you. Non-threatening, approachably hot and, don't forget, secretly wishing to be a football* mom! She'll even wear the cheerleader uniform if you ask nicely!

*Being a soccer mom is way too European

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 19, 2010 12:05 PM

I had to double and triple check to make sure that some of these women weren’t the same person with different names.

Yeah. Normally that would be an exaggeration. Not here. It's amazing how cultivating homogenous TV personalities cultivates homogenous TV audiences.

Posted by: RobP at October 19, 2010 12:14 PM

I can't spell VW, but I got a Porsche.

/no offense to blonds in general

Posted by: MM at October 19, 2010 12:15 PM

This picture reminds me why Tracy Morgan needs to be put out of his television misery...

Posted by: Barnes78 at October 19, 2010 12:16 PM

Oh, and I thought Jane Krakowski's line was a direct hit the first time, but upon closer inspection it's a little off-target. Her hair is a little too sleek for these ladies, a little too severe. Fox doesn't wanna frighten or intimidate the menfolk too much.

Posted by: RobP at October 19, 2010 12:17 PM

dammitjanet, I believe that's a still from her audition tape.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 19, 2010 12:22 PM

This is why I regret being born blond. I'm ashamed to share any attributes with the Fox Clones. I think I'll dye my hair....red. Then I'll have something in common with Christina Hendricks instead! Good plan.

Posted by: katyv at October 19, 2010 12:26 PM

You even forgot the "old" one. You know, the one that Jon Stewart shows a lot because of her endless stream of ignorant offense. She looks slightly older than the rest of them. I can't remember her name so I'll just call her FoxBot 11.

Posted by: katy at October 19, 2010 12:27 PM

Hitler would be proud.

Posted by: Scully at October 19, 2010 12:28 PM

Foxbot! Heh, funny...

Posted by: Slash at October 19, 2010 12:32 PM

katy, Jon Stewart makes fun of Gretchen Carlson often.

Posted by: Jeremy at October 19, 2010 12:49 PM

Carolyn Shively looks like her eyes are trying to eat her ears.

And Ainsley Earnhardt and Molly Line are the same lady. Ever see them in the same newsroom at the same time? No.

"Well Kballs," you may retort, "one of them has to be blowing the Programming Director, right?"

To which I'd respond, "Touche."

Posted by: Kballs at October 19, 2010 12:52 PM

MelBiv nailed it.

Posted by: dammitjanet at October 19, 2010 12:53 PM

Maybe they should hire Heidi Spencer next. She's got the same dazed blond look.

Posted by: Pickled Tink at October 19, 2010 1:00 PM

I'll admit to wanting to do disgusting things to Megyn Kelly. I think it has to do with how uppity she gets. And how she spells her name with a "y". Which annoys me. Cause you know she was the kind of girl that when anyone said "MegAn", she'd correct them with a "No, it's MegYn!" and give off that entitled bitch vibe. I mean honestly, I want to ruin one of her fantasies. I want to poop on her desk. I want....

Oh. You're all still here.

/back out slowly
//head for exits

But yeah, Fox News likes blondes.

Posted by: Fredo at October 19, 2010 1:30 PM

MelBivDevoe/Dammitjanet...mucho LOL's

Posted by: dagnabbit at October 19, 2010 1:40 PM

Katy, if she's a little older wouldn't she be Foxbot 01 or Foxbot Alpha series or something.

Posted by: Simon at October 19, 2010 2:00 PM

Yes, Gretchen Carlson is who I was thinking of. Truly vile woman. I suppose she could be Foxbot 1.0.

Posted by: katy at October 19, 2010 2:07 PM

Jesus. It's like some awful, blonde, rictus-grimacing hydra.

I can't find them attractive, because I've seen what they become:

Nancy Grace.

Say farewell to your erection and hello to your rage.

Posted by: Perfect Tommy at October 19, 2010 2:12 PM

"Megyn" sounds like a vaginal gel to me. If my parents had been that cruel I would have changed my name as soon as I came of age.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 19, 2010 2:16 PM

It's the type that appeal to right-wing middle-american dudes, their audience. It's the Jessica Simpson type.

Posted by: steve at October 19, 2010 2:28 PM

While the Fox network is composed of mostly ditzy blondes, the hottest anchor they have is by far the gorgeous Patti Ann Brown aka The Notorious PAB-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVGlCtFTbcg

The producers also force her to do a sometimes funny/ sometimes not so funny rap or pardody at the beginning of Redeye. To her credit she is able to keep a straight face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbd0nnW-VMc

Posted by: Porkchop Express at October 19, 2010 2:37 PM

The producers also force her to do a sometimes funny/ sometimes not so funny rap or pardody at the beginning of Redeye. To her credit she is able to keep a straight face.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbd0nnW-VMc

Aw, man. I think I just fell in love with Darth Hottious.
FOX News doesn't deserve her.

Posted by: Rykker at October 19, 2010 2:59 PM

dammitjanet and melbiv, FTW, fo sho.

also, i love those notorious PAB videos.

Posted by: stopthemadness aka Angry Black Lady at October 19, 2010 3:14 PM

What? you just posted the same damn photo 10 times. Don't try to trick me like that, Rowles.

Posted by: figgy at October 19, 2010 3:22 PM

You're taking issue with Megyn when there is someone up there named "Alisyn"? This is a PET PEEVE of mine. For heaven's sake people, if you want your child to have an uncommon name give them AN UNCOMMON NAME. Spelling does not change the fact that there are 47 girls at her school with the same name. Ask my sister. She was Jennifer C #2 in public school.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 19, 2010 4:55 PM

Holy Aryan Wonderland! They are not very subtle, are they?

Posted by: Joker at October 19, 2010 6:28 PM

Ok, I just noticed: is that a stripper pole in one of the photos? Really, Fox? Really? Ok.

Posted by: Joker at October 19, 2010 6:28 PM

And you are now telling me that this is not the same woman?

Posted by: greer at October 19, 2010 7:02 PM

The Stepford Anchors.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 19, 2010 7:19 PM

All white people look alike.

Posted by: Lucas at October 19, 2010 9:11 PM

Okay, I'm going to need to see all these women in the same room together.

And hey! Strip pole!

Posted by: Laurie at October 19, 2010 11:14 PM

While the Fox network is composed of mostly ditzy blondes, the hottest anchor they have is by far the gorgeous Patti Ann Brown aka The Notorious PAB-

Bitch's little segments are straight up funny. Too bad she's on the Evil Empire network. Guess I'll have to check YouTube for her future bits, 'cause I wouldn't watch FOX News if they had Christina Hendricks on naked.

* gulp

Posted by: Uriah Creep at October 19, 2010 11:16 PM

More like can't spell VW but 'acquired' a BMW.

I don't know what to say about all of this. Admittedly, everything that I know about FOX News is what I've seen repeated for lampooning purposes. This is some strange brew, kids. Is all the blondeness written into their contracts, or something? Do they all have to go through the same Anglo dip upon arrival? Maybe If all of these ladies are coming from the same vat, it's about time we outlawed receptacles.

And furthermore, screw this Hendricks shit, now that I have 'permission' from some random broad in the States to own my oversized top rack and bottom shelf, I got a big ol' ass-slap at the grocery store last week from one of her fans. Oh, a fan, oh hurrah. That's the last time I buy 2% in this town again. What do you think you're going to find looking down my shirt anyway, Eyes? I'm wearing a trenchcoat two sweaters and a scarf. Dumb perverts. I guess hand-me-downs (I ain't too proud to beg) from sisters who are half a foot taller are in vogue this season, cause that's the 'provocative' garb I wear. Welcome to Berlusconi's America, everyone. I'm turning up my headphones.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at October 20, 2010 12:55 AM

I'm glad that line is getting the credit it is due. The Fox News "blond woman" stereotype is so utterly true that you are kind of amazed at how these woman can take themselves seriously.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at October 20, 2010 2:32 AM

Too bad she's on the Evil Empire network.

Yeah, her Dark Lord of the Sith comment is all too true.
And she's been there for ten years, so she's entrenched.
But, Vader was saved in the end, so...

/end Fantasy

Posted by: Rykker at October 20, 2010 3:45 AM

/end Fantasy
Posted by: Rykker at October 20, 2010 3:45 AM

My fantasy may also be over as she is now on the Glen Beck Show. I would watch almost anything to see more of her but the GBS is not going to happen. There isn't enough money in the world to have to put up with that level of awfulness.

Posted by: Porkchop Express at October 20, 2010 11:48 AM

Wow, Fox News hires a ton of blondes to read the news. How ... dare they!

The rage Liberals have about Fox News makes me giggle ... it's one network. You've got the rest of the media. What do you want, to force Fox News off the air? Are you just as threatened by MSNBC, which clearly skews left? Any anger about them, or just toward a network with which you disagree?

Posted by: Christian Toto at October 23, 2010 4:36 PM

@ Christian Toto,

The anger and bile is par for the course. Take it with a grain of salt, and try to just sit back and be amused.

And while I love Pajiba, I know I'm in the minority on here, as the comment thread is always going to be at least 90% liberal.

And yes, Fox News has the hottest news reporters. The blondest, hottest reporters.

Posted by: Parker at October 23, 2010 7:45 PM

Yah, cause that's clearly what makes a good reporter...

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at October 23, 2010 10:28 PM

Ugh.
You forgot Gretchen "I'm actually really smart but I play a dumb blond on FOX so Doocey and Kilmeade don't look like retards*" Carlson.

*Not that it helps.
They still have a tard moment every fucking day.

Posted by: Jules at October 24, 2010 2:49 PM

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Welcome Back to Fox News. I'm Blonde

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