Traveling Down The Etsy Rabbit Hole That Began With A Bracelet Of Teeth

A hobby on mine is browsing Etsy, either for unexpected gifts or unique statement necklaces, like this T-rex skull affair. But as with all browsing algorithms, results can get a bit wonky. For instance, I bought one pillow with a pug on it as a gift, and now my Etsy recommendations as overwhelmed with all things snub-nosed dog.

But my browsing last night took a very weird turn when this boutique browsing site considered my interest in a T-Rex skull etched from wood and assumed it meant I might be into the “Denture Bracelet” pictured above. This led me down a rabbit hole that revealed a side of the cutesy kitschy craft site I never knew existed. Here’s what I learned.

Teeth is major point of inspiration for one jewelry designer.

And he’s not alone. Someone thought downtown teeth would be a fun graphic for a pair of panties. They come in glow-in-the-dark and “shiny and chrome,” so choose your sexy time trauma.

Yet, I’m more disturbed by this take on the popular pussycat panty, because GOOD LORD IT’S TORN A CAVITY THROUGH HER LADY PARTS!

Another unexpected muse is dismembered baby doll arms. Buy them for your children’s bedrooms, and they’ll never sleep again.

From there I stumbled into Etsy’s taxidermy section, where I learned a popular trend is Critter Under the Influence, like “Squirrel Taxidermy 420 Happy High Guy Flippin Da Bird.”

Or “Drunken Duckling little party animal.”

And most memorable “Coke Overdose Party Mice,” for the man who has everything.

Then I hit this fork in my road of dark Etsy discovery.

“Wet specimen?” There are just some things you shouldn’t search. Especially when they’re thumbnails boast warnings like this:

Returning to comfort zone!

Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Kristy Puchko spends too much time on Etsy.