The Worst Movie MacGuffins

The Five Most Sh*tballs Ridiculous MacGuffins (Post Hitchcock)

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (59)

MacGuffin Defined: A MacGuffin is a plot element that catches the viewers’ attention or drives the plot of a work of fiction. Sometimes, the specific nature of the MacGuffin is not important to the plot such that anything that serves as a motivation serves its purpose. The MacGuffin can sometimes be ambiguous, completely undefined, generic or left open to interpretation. Commonly, though not always, the MacGuffin is the central focus of the film in the first act, and later declines in importance as the struggles and motivations of characters play out. Sometimes the MacGuffin is all but forgotten by the end of the film.

5. The Anti-Matter, Angels and Demons

4. The Loom of Fate, Wanted

3. The Chest, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

2. The Crystal Skull, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

1. The Allspark, Transformers

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The worst thing about the Chest from PotC is that it was one of like 1500 plots and subplots in those stupid movies. And I STILL don't know what the fuck was inside it, or why they needed it, or why the fuck it was in the movie at all. God I hated that movie.

Posted by: figgy at July 30, 2009 5:04 PM

Useless, again.
First of all by the very definition of McGuffin the "chest" in Pirates of the Caribbean don't qualify, chief. That movie was ALL about the freaking thing, it didn't lose important and it certainly wasn't forgotten.

Second where's the briefcase from Pulp Fiction?

And where's the body from Stand by Me...bah.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 30, 2009 5:06 PM

A far more manageable list might be of the 10 least ridiculous MacGuffins. Most MacGuffins are infantile bordering on asinine.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at July 30, 2009 5:06 PM

The Sleigh Fred Claus
The Elephant Operation Dumbo Drop
The Baby Knocked Up/Junior
The Plot The Love Guru

Posted by: Ryan at July 30, 2009 5:08 PM

"...where's the briefcase from Pulp Fiction? where's the body from Stand by Me.."

Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh.... Where's that stuff? No one gives a sideways turd about the Loon of Fate... HOW CAN FATE COME OUT OF A LOON?! It can't - I should know, it's my goddam state bird! And anti-matter? Who give a floppy donkey wang? Not me, that's who? And as far as that pirate movie goes the McMuffin shoulda been "Where the hell did Jawbone McJutterson's boobers go?"

Seriously. Here's a mini-diversion: What do you think was in the briefcase in Pu... YES, I KNOW IT'S BEEN DONE TO DEATH, BUT I DON'T FUCKING CARE!

(...sob...)

Posted by: Skitz at July 30, 2009 5:15 PM

The Treasure, from Oh Brother

Posted by: figgy at July 30, 2009 5:16 PM

Terrible list.

Posted by: Assy at July 30, 2009 5:18 PM

Oh god, The Loom! How I laughed. 'We are descended from Weavers'...wait, what? You lost me.

Posted by: Carrie at July 30, 2009 5:22 PM

Midichlorians. After being the sole reason for Anakins powers, they are never mentioned again after 1 hour into a 6 movie saga.
And why do i bring this up?
Im a geek, why else.

Posted by: TD at July 30, 2009 5:22 PM

The Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 30, 2009 5:26 PM

Transformers, what a piece of shit. Just because you can make a two and a half hour movie with no plot, and not be assassinated or sent to ass ramming prison, doesn't mean you should Michael Bay.

Posted by: George at July 30, 2009 5:27 PM

Hmmmmm, wait the article talks about "worst" MacGuffins, which begs the question: Are the ANY good MacGuffins?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 30, 2009 5:31 PM

*there

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 30, 2009 5:32 PM

And where's the body from Stand by Me...bah.

Wait...they never found the body? I only ever saw the first half of that movie and always sort of assumed that they found it at the end. Gah! This means I actually have to finish the movie.

Posted by: brenia at July 30, 2009 5:32 PM

They found the body. I don't think I'd necessarily call that a MacGuffin.

Posted by: Carrie at July 30, 2009 5:35 PM

Er, well I suppose it is, but I always think of those things as being shitty, whereas that's not. If that makes sense? Anyway, nevermind me.

Posted by: Carrie at July 30, 2009 5:38 PM

The car from "Dude, where is my...."
And, BSlim, I think a good MacGuffin would One Eyed Willie and his treasure.

Posted by: badalamenti at July 30, 2009 5:39 PM

yeah good macguffins is a better list.

The Holy Grail?
The Ark of the Covenant?
Rosebud?
(Lord of) The Ring(s)?

..and I'm a fan of the Pulp Fiction briefcase. If you're going to ensure that a specific object - only there to move the plot forward - is inconsequential, might as well make is as mysterious as fuck.

Posted by: aidan at July 30, 2009 5:41 PM

I think a critical part of what makes a plot point a MacGuffin is the fact that it is totally replaceable. In other words, it doesn't actually connect with anything else in the story, any random object could be inserted in its place because its only value is added by the characters saying it has value.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at July 30, 2009 5:42 PM

"Wait...they never found the body? "

Oh, brenia, what a fabulous treat you're in for. Not only do they find they body, they find a whole mess of bodies. Alien bodies. Nekkid alien bodies that turn into zombies when you pee on them. And that's precisely what Vern finds out when he makes a potty on the ALIEN BURIAL GROUND! Then Kieffer/Keiffer (I don't have the time to check) shows up with the rest of the hoods and - get this - THERE'S A FUCKING DANCE OFF! A DANCE OFF OF ALL THINGS! And that leech that was hanging from Gordie's fleshsack? Oh, you thought you'd seen the last of that thing? You're in for a radioactive mutant treat, sister! Turns out LaChance's scrote was fulla pathogens or something, because not only is the leech bigger, IT GREW LEGS! HUMAN LEGS! Can you fucking dig on that?! So anyways, Chris and Vern are freaking out about the Alien Zombie dance-off, and the giant leech comes crashing through the woods in a GIANT BULLDOZER! IT'S AWESOME! And then...

Hold on. I gotta go make a doody...

Posted by: Skitz at July 30, 2009 5:44 PM

Water in Quantum of Solace? OK, anything the bad guy wants in a Bond movie.

Posted by: Mrs Smith at July 30, 2009 5:46 PM

The Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey

That whole movie was a Macguffin, it didn't make a lick of sense. Probably why it was so popular in 1969, people ingested much more grass and acid back then.

Posted by: George at July 30, 2009 5:54 PM

Don't get me started on The Loom of Fate (tm).

Posted by: B WEAVES!!! at July 30, 2009 5:58 PM

ROSEBUD

Oh damn! Someone already beat me to it.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 30, 2009 5:59 PM

The briefcase from Pulp Fiction is about the only intelligent semi-MacGuffin I can think of because Tarantino makes such an obvious effort never to show the audience what is actually in the case (except possibly by reflection). He recognizes that whatever it is, it's not important and thereby satirizes the entire MacGuffin concept without detracting from the briefcase's importance.

That being said, I wouldn't count it as an actual MacGuffin because it can hardly be described as the primary motivation for the main characters. It's found in the first act and isn't even threatened until the last.

Compare that with the Ark of the Covenant from the first Indiana Jones movie (a reasonable MacGuffin). It's a vital object throughout the film because it's the prime motivator for both sides, even though it could conceivably be replaced with nearly any other holy object (the Lost Testicles of Moses, or possibly the Lost Virginity of Mary) and wouldn't lose any credibility or importance.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at July 30, 2009 6:03 PM

Hehe. I was waiting for BWeaves to chime in. Don't you get her started. *snaps*

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 30, 2009 6:09 PM

any super weapon plus the means to activate it or counter it in any sci fi series.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 30, 2009 6:19 PM

I think that definition of MacGuffin is a little unclear. The MacGuffin isn't just any ol' plot element, it's typically an item that the characters need or want that drives the plot. Hitchcock coined the term specifically to point out how completely meaningless and replaceable those items were.

I'd say the "Loom of Fate," as ridiculous as it is, doesn't really count, since it doesn't go anywhere and no one is really hunting for it. The better MacGuffin from Wanted would be suspension of disbelief.

Posted by: Macafee at July 30, 2009 6:29 PM

The only thing I can think of is "The Rabbit Foot" from M:I:III, which was just sort of a vague, scary thing that we must not let Philip Seymour Hoffman get.

Posted by: Max at July 30, 2009 6:31 PM

Good one Max, they don't get stupider than that. You know, someday people will get sick of Philip Seymour Hoffman and recognize what a gigantic pile of excrement MI3 really was.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 30, 2009 6:33 PM

Bslim, diss on MI3 all you want, but don't step to my man PSH. Unless your point is that he's the only reason people give MI3 a pass. In that case, carry on.

Posted by: Macafee at July 30, 2009 6:37 PM

Touchy!

That's precisely what I meant Mac. Phillip actually acted his ass off on that which is really jarring when he goes and plays scenes with that ridiculous midget Sciento who's clearly masturbating his ego with the whole thing. It's like you are watching two movies at the same time.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 30, 2009 6:41 PM

Uh, the dead guy on the floor in Saw?

Stupidest. movie. ever.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 30, 2009 6:55 PM

A possible good MacGuffin: Ronin. But I love that movie to pieces, so I might be a little biased.

Posted by: Amanda at July 30, 2009 7:02 PM

HOW CAN FATE COME OUT OF A LOON?!

Oh, Skitz. Don't ever change.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 30, 2009 7:06 PM

I gotta go with The Half Blood Prince (and said Prince's potions book) from the most recent Harry Potter film. If only because it's the plot that got majorly downplayed from book to movie regardless of the fact that it's in the title.

Posted by: Jonah at July 30, 2009 7:18 PM

the painting from Rock N Rolla

Posted by: Je Nais Se Twat at July 30, 2009 7:29 PM

The Rabbit's Foot from Mission Impossible: III
The Globe Prophecy Thing from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Honestly, they glossed over so much detail in the transition from book to screen that the final showdown of the film ended up consisting of the bad guys saying they wanted this thing and the good guys wanting it because the bad guys just said they wanted it.
The Blue Box from Mulholland Drive

Posted by: whatBENwatches at July 30, 2009 7:36 PM

...Letters of Transit that everyone wants in Casablanca...

Posted by: Arkansan at July 30, 2009 8:08 PM

For the love of God!!!

ANOTHER version of i Tunes to download?!!!

This bitch is sucking up the salsa like Peckinpah watching a Wallace Beery movie!!!

Posted by: elzupasmonkey at July 30, 2009 8:18 PM

the white pony from dirty love.

Posted by: gp at July 30, 2009 8:18 PM

This bitch is sucking up the salsa like Peckinpah watching a Wallace Beery movie!!!

I have no idea what this means, but it is delightful.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 30, 2009 8:26 PM

The Daughter From Kill Bill at least at first. Seriously, she had a million and one reason to kill the man. And we didn't even know she was alive until the end of Vol 1. Still a damn good one up until then.

The Death Star Plans/Leia's Message from Star Wars. They only served as the impetus for the final battle and the thing to get Luke towards Obi-Wan, respectively.

The Loom of Fate does count though, or at least it was supposed to. It was the impetus for a lot of the action in the movie, but it really had no purpose beyond that. Which is why I am still mystified by the "the loom is so stupid" reaction. Not that it wasn't stupid, but that folks couldn't get past the thing for what it really was: an excuse to pit Wesley against the Fraternity. Of course, if they kept the comic's story, they wouldn't have had to do that. And since it has been brought up...

The Curse/Yegor/Chalk of Fate in Night watch/Day Watch. I think Timur Bekhambetov is just bad at MacGuffins, really.

The Hit List in Collateral. Except for Jada's character, none of the other targets really did anything more than get the two leads moving through LA. Also an example of a good MacGuffin.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 30, 2009 9:22 PM

A possible good MacGuffin: Ronin. But I love that movie to pieces, so I might be a little biased.

Nope that was a great MacGuffin. We had no idea what is was or anything, all we knew was that motherfuckers were willing to do some dirty stuff for it.

Oh, and another terrible MacGuffin, possibly the worst of all: The Seperatists/Clone War in the Star Wars prequels. And while it was terrible for many reasons, the main reason it was so bad is because it is clear that it wasn't supposed to be a MacGuffin, but it ended up one anyway.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 30, 2009 9:28 PM

Only Macafee mentioned Hitchcock, and there was one in every Hitch movie, or it seemed like it.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 30, 2009 10:18 PM

For any best MacGuffin list: The Maltese Falcon.

Posted by: vanillaicecream at July 30, 2009 10:55 PM

The crystal/necklace piece from Mario Bros. WTF was THAT about??

Posted by: Nxx at July 30, 2009 10:59 PM

The penis in Boogie Nights. Fucking ridiculous ending. As much as I love that movie, that cock was bullshit.

Ha...cock...bull...Tristam Shandy...never seen it...any good?...don't care...pizza.

Posted by: AudioSuede at July 30, 2009 11:02 PM

White Castle sliders!

Of course, the journey marked the resurrection of the career of the greatness that is NPH, got John Cho on the Enterprise, and Kal Penn a job at the White House, so what do I know?

Posted by: swingdude at July 30, 2009 11:16 PM

Harry Potter.

Every movie, there's crisis and mayhem and nasty things with teeth. Oh my godtopus. What's going to happen to Harry.

Here's a hint - he lives through it. Every damn time.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at July 31, 2009 1:05 AM

Every movie, there's crisis and mayhem and nasty things with teeth. Oh my godtopus. What's going to happen to Harry.

But that really isn't a MacGuffin, more like the nature of a protagonist.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 31, 2009 6:55 AM

I'm going to call this a terrible MacGuffin just because the movie is awful-Dryland from Waterworld. Even when they get there, the Mariner just leaves to set up the sequal. Waterworld II-The Postman

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 31, 2009 9:09 AM

Can't believe no one has mentioned the most classic McGuffin in movie history...

"Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money. We're gonna have to earn it."

Cue classic graveyard showdown...;-)

Posted by: EastCoastUgly at July 31, 2009 9:29 AM

Yes. Keira Knightley's chest certainly is a MacGuffin in PotC: DMC. Where is it? Does it exist? If I fed her would it grow? How does it not respond to severe corsetting? Why isn't that monkey looking down her dress? Lacking any semblance of said chest, why isn't she better at swordplay or catching a football? Is it okay that I get a boner when she speaks even though that MacGuffin of chest is in play?

That's what you were talking about, right?

Posted by: Kballs at July 31, 2009 9:29 AM

The ring in Lord Of The Rings. Let's face it, it was a metaphor for Frodo's asshole being destroyed by Sam's Hobbit dick. Anal sex is a rite of passage even for Hobbits.

Posted by: Sofía at July 31, 2009 10:59 AM

I'd include Latika from Slumdog Millionaire.

The MacGuffin that's a whole person.

Posted by: Todd at July 31, 2009 11:17 AM

I've always thought that the briefcase contained the holy grail--the golden glow, Jules' conversion... it's the only explanation that makes sense.

Posted by: kol at July 31, 2009 2:28 PM

Whatever's in the trunk in "REpo Man."

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 1, 2009 3:02 AM

Private Ryan?

Cause it wasn't really a big deal when they finally found him.

And his teeth were awfully white. Too white, you know?

Posted by: Vinci at August 3, 2009 11:00 PM

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The Five Most Sh*tballs Ridiculous MacGuffins (Post Hitchcock)

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