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The Super Hot Women of those Old Timey Westerns

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (43)



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Growing up in Arkansas, in addition to having a gay father, I had a mother who was decidedly Southern, and not in the hayseed or hillbilly sense, but in the country-and-western sense. For much of my childhood, she was a cocktail waitress in a real honest to God honky tonk, she listened to Merle Haggard and Hank Williams like it was her job, and she looked the part, too. You can still find Glamour shots of her in Western gear hanging up in her mobile home. In fact, she tried to force that bullshit on me in my youth; for my 7th birthday, she bought me a pair of cowboy boots and a damned children’s duster, and if you think going to school in hand-me-downs a decade old is embarrassing, try walking into your elementary school looking like Gene Wilder in Blazing Saddles. Every goddamn day was Halloween, and it was humiliating.

Moreover, walking into a room with a television (all of them) on a Saturday afternoon in my mother’s house, and you’d invariably find an old Western movie blaring in Technicolor. I despised them. They were boring and old and made my nose run. But, I have to admit, I always dug the ladies in those old Westerns. Back in the day, between the 1940s and 1960s, Westerns were like comic-book movies now: Everyone that was anyone had to have a Western on their resume, so most of the pinup women would throw on a cleavage-revealing dress with ruffles and ride off in the sunset with John Wayne or Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson or Clark Gable . And although that wasn’t exactly the Era of the Woman, Westerns often found ways to accommodate the star power of the top actresses by creating meaty roles as prostitutes, cowhands, gun-slinging love interests, and even Native Americans where no Native American blood existed. It was kind of cool.

Obviously, I don’t have recollection of them all, but I remember enough to put together a quick evening list of the super-hot women of those old-timey Westerns.

Marilyn Monroe, The River of No Return

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Felicia Farr, 3:10 to Yuma

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Jayne Mansfield, The Sheriff of Fractured Jaw

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Natalie Wood, Searchers

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Kim Novak, The White Buffalo

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Yvonne De Carlo, Calamity Jane and Sea Bass

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Linda Darnell, My Darling Clementine

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Claire Trevor, Stagecoach

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Maureen O’Hara, McLintock

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Bridget Bardot, Shalako

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Jean Seberg, Paint Your Wagon

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Jane Fonda, Cat Ballou

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Jane Russell, The Outlaw

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Jennifer Jones, The Duel in the Sun

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Claudia Cardinale, Once Upon A Time In The West

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Comments

No Maureen O'Hara? What the hell is wrong with you!?!

Posted by: snapnhiss at October 24, 2011 9:15 PM

Claudia Cardinale, "Once Upon A Time In The West"

Totally. Added. -- DR

Posted by: bleujayone at October 24, 2011 9:18 PM

Gotta agree about Maureen O'Hara. HUGE oversight on that one...

Oh, fine. But that image from McLintock makes me super uncomfortable. -- DR

Posted by: T5 at October 24, 2011 9:24 PM

Grace Kelly in High Noon not on this list? Really?

Posted by: lucas at October 24, 2011 9:26 PM

Jane Russel looks like brokeback haystack there. But in a come hither way.

Posted by: Elle07 at October 24, 2011 9:26 PM

Claudia Cardinale is (was) wicked hot.

No Marilyn Monroe in The Misfits? Or even River of No Return? She sang!!

Posted by: MM at October 24, 2011 9:26 PM

Honorable mention:

Maureen O' Hara - Mclintock

Grace Kelly - High Noon

Raquel Welch - 100 Rifles, Bandelero

Julie Christie - McCabe and Mrs Miller

Gail Russell - Angel and the Badman

Shirley MacCLaine - Two Mules For Sister Sara

Angie Dickinson - Rio Bravo

Posted by: John W at October 24, 2011 9:28 PM

You could do another series with the Italian spoofy Westerns.

Posted by: Jay at October 24, 2011 9:33 PM

I know it's not an "Old-Timewy Western", but you should have put Madeline Khan on here from Blazing Saddles. It's a perfect western even though it's a spoof. Plus she sings, dances, brings the laughs, cooks sausage AND has sex with Sherrif Bart. A true multiple-threat.

Posted by: Ty at October 24, 2011 9:34 PM

I adore Kat Ballou, Jane Fonda is unbelievably beautiful in that movie.

Posted by: Melody Be at October 24, 2011 9:45 PM

The picture of Brigette Bardot looks more like a zombie western get up for Halloween. That or a drag queen the morning after.

It's not a flattering one of one of the sexiest women ever.

Posted by: noo at October 24, 2011 10:21 PM

Brigette Bardot? I thought it was Klaus Kinski in drag!

Have to agree with you. There are most defiantly better pictures of Bardot out there.

Posted by: bleujayone at October 24, 2011 10:30 PM

Seriously? NO Grace Kelly?

http://www.filmreference.com/images/sjff_03_img1167.jpg

That woman had me rooting for cowardice.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at October 24, 2011 10:45 PM

Brigitte Bardot in her best days has always looked like Klaus Kinski in drag. I will never understand that so many man lusted after this woman.

Posted by: FabMax at October 24, 2011 10:51 PM

Angie Dickinson - Rio Bravo

We watched that the other day...she looks amazing in it.

Posted by: Jules at October 24, 2011 10:53 PM

Cat Ballou is a movie my father and I both loved, even though I hated the Westerns he loved. A VHS copy is one of the last gifts I ever got to give him. I LOVE that movie.

Posted by: llp at October 24, 2011 11:15 PM

I didn't think that picture looked quite right for Jennifer Jones (I never liked her--she got Gregory Peck killed in Duel and had that bad makeup job). The picture you have is of Linda Darnell from what I believe was her 1944 breakout movie Summer Storm.

Posted by: ems at October 24, 2011 11:43 PM

Dustin, I expected you to count Jane Russell twice...

I mean, if Howard Hughes can go to all that trouble...

Posted by: Jerry at October 25, 2011 12:22 AM

John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara made five movies together. I am now on a quest to find out if he spanked her in all of them.*

* For sure 'yes' on McLintock and The Quiet Man.

Posted by: Pete at October 25, 2011 12:39 AM

I think that shot of Jane Russell probably introduced a lot of boys in the 40s-60s to puberty.

And Claudia Cardinale is wicked hot in Once Upon a Time in the West. Of course, it helps that it's my favorite Leone western.

Posted by: Fredo at October 25, 2011 12:50 AM

No Ursula Andress from Red Sun? For shaem!

Posted by: YesPlease at October 25, 2011 1:31 AM

you beat me to it, Ty. as i was scrolling down the list i was waiting to see Madeline in Blazing Saddles.

Lili Von Schtupp

[schwing!!]

Posted by: causaubon at October 25, 2011 4:13 AM

ok...

one more.

Posted by: causaubon at October 25, 2011 4:18 AM

That kids duster is unambiguously awesome. I'm sorry it didn't work for you at school. Those kids clearly had no taste. Had they even watched Firefly? (not for the exact item, merely the theme)

Posted by: Ender at October 25, 2011 5:44 AM

Is it just me or does Felicia Farr look identical to Natalie Portman in that picture?

Posted by: Tess at October 25, 2011 9:02 AM

You know amid all the hubbub and the gossip and the tales of tragedy, it's easy to sometimes forget how absolutely stunning Marilyn Monroe was.

Also, god damn, the wheels on Jennifer Jones. Mercy.

(fans face)

Posted by: Ghisent at October 25, 2011 9:12 AM

Doesn't one of the Raquel Welch westerns include a shower scene/wet tshirt vignette?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at October 25, 2011 9:26 AM

"Doesn't one of the Raquel Welch westerns include a shower scene/wet tshirt vignette?"

(begins googling furiously)

Posted by: Ghisent at October 25, 2011 9:33 AM

two whole paragraphs without a single f-bomb? what the eff dustin...

Posted by: carrboro ninja at October 25, 2011 9:38 AM

I agree Dustin that picture of Maureen O'Hara makes me uncomfortable too. How about this one instead?

Also? I find it very amusing that the ad I got when I first opened this post asked me if I loved the bible and had links where I could access all sorts of bible things, like bible verses. Dear advertisers, do you have some assumptions about the religious preferences of folks who like Westerns?

Posted by: tamatha at October 25, 2011 9:38 AM

Felicia Farr is Mrs. Jack Lemmon.

Wags wanted to rename The Outlaw " A Sale of Two Titties" because Howard Hughes designed
(constructed) a special bra for Jane Russell for the movie.

Cat Ballou is one of my all-time favorite movies. Lee Marvin won an Oscar as Kid Shelleen, and Jane never looked better. Marvin's acceptance speech..
" Thank you, I don't want to take up too much of your time but I think half of this award belongs to a horse somewhere out in the valley"

Don't forget Claudia Cardinale in "The Professionals". She was dusty and busty in that.

Posted by: kirbyjay at October 25, 2011 9:45 AM

Jane Russell - It's so great to see what real boobies look like. And damn, she had great legs, too. And she doesn't have a cat-eyed, botoxed, lip plumped face, either.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 25, 2011 10:06 AM

Yeah, I'm with Dustin, that O'Hara picture makes be uncomfortable...but I think it's because my pants are too tight. [scha-wing]

Also, Claudia Cardinale in that pic reminds me of Sally Field in her youth. Something about the eyes.

Posted by: NateS1973 at October 25, 2011 10:27 AM

Someone (I'm looking at you, Dustin) wrote this when they were hungry. Pretty sure it was Calamity Jane and Sam Bass.

Either that, or Dustin had just finished watching Dumb and Dumber.

Posted by: W. E. Coyote at October 25, 2011 3:33 PM

Great list, and a welcome deviation from the usual set of faces we see around here. I want to watch some old westerns now.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 25, 2011 4:18 PM

RIVER OF NO RETURN was the first on my list also. Another one of my favorites was Gail Russell from ANGEL AND THE BADMAN. I was also thinking Louise Brooks in OVERLAND STAGE RAIDERS but actually she wasn't that hot by then.

Posted by: Pat C. at October 25, 2011 5:16 PM

For me Maureen O'Hara is a goddess. They really do not make women like that anymore.

Posted by: logan at October 25, 2011 5:51 PM

I don't know who Bridget Bardot is.

There was a BRIGITTE Bardot, a French actress, now retired. You might have heard of her. ;)

Posted by: That French Guy at October 25, 2011 5:55 PM

Jean Seberg? Are you sure that's not Gillian Jacobs? In an old timey western? In black and white? No? Fine.

Posted by: dsbs at October 25, 2011 10:44 PM

FabMax,

Bardot was devastatingly sexy in And God Created Woman, the film that made her an international star.

Posted by: Shawn at October 26, 2011 3:22 PM

Someone mentioned Grace Kelly in "High Noon," but everyone seems to have forgotten Katy Jurado from that same movie. She was the smoldering beautiful Mexican actress who played the mysterious Helen Ramirez. She did movies and TV in the US and Mexico pretty much up until she passed in 2002 at 78.

Posted by: joe.attaboy at October 27, 2011 12:02 PM

Thanks DR for the Jean Seberg H/T... I feel ashamed at forgetting how exceptionally beautiful this woman was.

Here's a thread idea, who out of today's modern actresses could play the above actresses if movies of their lives were made.. and yes I am aware that Michelle Williams is playing Marilyn Monroe

Posted by: Colombo at October 28, 2011 4:48 AM

Marilyn looks incredibly beautiful.

Posted by: James at October 31, 2011 11:42 PM