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The Seven Disney Villains Tim Burton Should Consider Now That He's Dumped Angelina Jolie's Maleficent.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (30)

angelina-jolie-maleficent-tim-burton.jpeg

Looks like Tim Burton is passing on the live-action version of Maleficent starring Angelina Jolie. The film, which tells the story of Sleeping Beauty from the perspective of Maleficent (the sexiest villain in all of cartoon history) will go ahead with Jolie still attached. I’m not certain why Burton dropped out of the project. Is Jolie not sexy enough? Not corpsey enough? I assure you, Tim, she is both sexy and corpsey. Hmm, well maybe we can tempt Burton by super sexicorpsifying the following Disney villains. Look, Tim, we’re starting with your very own sexy corpsey bride! How can you possibly say no?

1. Helena Bonham Carter in April Is The Cruellast Month
Cruella De Vil.jpg

2. Nathan Fillion in Gastone Cold Fox
Gaston.jpg

3. Jason Momoa in Gastone Cold Fox II: Electric Man Boobaloo
Gaston II.jpg

4. Naveen Andrews in Jafar Far Sexier Than Aladdin
Jafar.jpg

5. Kathy Bates in Ursulacious: They’re Real And They’re Tentacular
Ursula.jpg

6. Imelda Staunton in Queen of Hearts: Painting The Roses Dead
Queen of Hearts.jpg

7. Getting Krunk On Yzma starring…
Picture 9.jpg

Patrick Warburton and Eartha Kitt. Why mess with perfection?
Krunk etc. .jpg

Joanna Robinson knows Burton already did the Queen of Hearts. She also knows Cruella De Vil has been done. She think they were both done very poorly. Rage at her via Email or Twitter!









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Comments

It's obvious why he dropped out Court, he dropped out because he wanted his wife in the role.

Posted by: logan at May 18, 2011 4:05 PM

Maleficent is my FAVORITE. I'm kind of glad AnJol will not be playing her, honestly. She is NOT my favorite.

OH, crap. I misread that. *sigh* Oh, well. ANYHOODLES, KBates as Ursula is INSPIRED. And I would totally watch* that version of Aladdin starring Jafar.

*"watch" = "masturbate to at work 47 times a day"

Posted by: Anna von Beav at May 18, 2011 4:17 PM

BRILLIANT.

Posted by: Samantha at May 18, 2011 4:17 PM

Finally, I can come right out of my closet! Someone has opened the door for me to profess the truth that I've been hiding from the world:

I love The Emporer's New Groove!

And now that someone else has acknowledged its existence, I don't feel so ashamed.

Posted by: ChristianH at May 18, 2011 4:24 PM

Naveen Andrews would make a fine Jafar. And I mean fine in a variety of ways.

Posted by: Zirze at May 18, 2011 4:26 PM

logan has the right of it: if it ain't got HBC's seven-head, it ain't got Burton.

Posted by: ahamos at May 18, 2011 4:28 PM

I'm not stating the obvious by saying Eartha Kitt is dead am I? Eartha Kitt is a goddess. I have a tendency to sleep in the afternoon and scowl at that which does not please me. I also have a devotion to any and everything over 50 years old. Because of this a dear friend used to refer to me as Earth kitty. Also because of her sexy cat woman days.

Posted by: E-Money at May 18, 2011 4:42 PM

Pun-ilicious!

Posted by: the_wakeful at May 18, 2011 4:49 PM

Every member of the klingonfree klan practically worships Patrick Warburton. And why would we not, I ask you? He is perfect. SPOOOOOON!!!

But yeah...Batmanuel is kinda meeeeoww as well. Isn;t there a place for him here?

Posted by: klingonfree at May 18, 2011 5:05 PM

My God, you got Fillion, boobs AND some puntasticness in there. Something's missing though...maybe this is a Tennantive list.

Posted by: Paultera at May 18, 2011 5:11 PM

Malificent is the sexiest bitch-goddess of all time. Name ONE Disney villain who actually invoked the powers of hell to face the hero.

Posted by: Ozioma at May 18, 2011 5:42 PM

Jolie's sexy face up there gives me the creeps.

Posted by: snapnhiss at May 18, 2011 7:16 PM

Um, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?

Posted by: Lucas at May 18, 2011 7:51 PM

Fillion as Gaston would be the greatest thing evaaaar...


and I've always loved The Emperors New Groove. For some reason I don't own it. Hmm.

Posted by: Candee at May 18, 2011 7:59 PM

Patrick Warburton needs to marry me.

Posted by: Jerry at May 18, 2011 9:24 PM

Burton passed because he's not in Angelina's pants. he only directs women he's fucking.

Posted by: Mr. Stitch at May 18, 2011 9:35 PM

The Emperor's New Groove is AWESOME.

I met Patrick Warburton recently. HELL of a voice and all I could hear was Kronk saying "squeaker von squeakin."

Posted by: Parker at May 18, 2011 9:55 PM

Agreed minus Naveen.

Posted by: beet salad at May 18, 2011 10:53 PM

This is good. I like this, keep it coming.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at May 18, 2011 11:53 PM

Why is Gaston's nipple whited out? Would his flesh-tone nipple be too hot for the masses??

Posted by: denesteak at May 19, 2011 2:34 AM

"They're real and they're tentacular"???

MARRY ME

Posted by: Caspar at May 19, 2011 7:20 AM

Agree with snapnhiss, that is a really unflatteringly creepy Jolie pic, but it serves the purpose of making her look evil enough to be Malificent.

Did not know Jason Momoa existed. Must do more research on this thespian so I can see if I agree he'd make a good Gaston.

I also love Emperor's New Groove. Mostly the movie, but the Saturday morning cartoon isn't terrible either.

Posted by: Viking at May 19, 2011 8:41 AM

Wow. I'm not the only person to have love for Emperor's New Groove. I'm excited now. Eartha Kitt absolutely kills me in that movie.

"I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives I'll smash it with a HAMMER!"

Posted by: Kala at May 19, 2011 9:32 AM

KRONK!!!! "Squeak squeaken."

Why yes, I effin' love Emperor's New Groove.

Posted by: Melody at May 19, 2011 9:49 AM

In the Sleeping Beauty universe you describe, there is no way Belle would not toss off the Beast for Fillion's Gaston (unless she's a furry). Why? Because (at least in my imagination), Fillion's Gaston is just an amalgam of Captain Hammer and Captain Mal, a supersexy arrogant nerd. He would ooze charm and spout incredibly vain, obnoxious things from his mouth, and you would be compelled to slap him, and then throw him onto a haystack and bone him like crazy.


I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: StoatCat at May 19, 2011 10:13 AM

When I was a lad I ate 4 dozen eggs every morning just to get large.
Now that I'm grown I eat 6 dozen eggs, so I'm practic'ly the size of a barge.

Also...

Lefou I'm afraid I've been thinking
A dangerous past time - I know

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 19, 2011 10:41 AM

"My shoulder angel!"

and

"My spinach puffs!!!"

Best Disney movie ever.

Posted by: Megaroniandcheese at May 19, 2011 1:35 PM

Gaston, you are positively primeval.

Why, thank you, Belle!

Posted by: Frances at May 19, 2011 1:36 PM

Who's second string for eartha kitt? Unless you're making a zombie movie, I mean.

Posted by: webelos8 at May 19, 2011 5:45 PM

Lee Meriwether? Or just anyone except Halle Berry?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at May 20, 2011 9:41 AM