The Five Hottest Serial Killers
A Seriously Random List /
Dustin Rowles
Seriously Random Lists | October 6, 2009 | Comments (76)
5. Mickey (Timothy Olyphant), Scream 2
4. Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp), Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
3. Early Grayce (Brad Pitt), Kalifornia
2. Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale), American Psycho
1. Dexter (Michael C. Hall), “Dexter”
Posted by: Marcela at October 6, 2009 2:09 PM
You totally missed Matthew Lillard in Hackers.
Posted by: admin at October 6, 2009 2:09 PM
does a killing spree count as serial killing?
if so, then i would add martin sheen (kit) in badlands.
Posted by: celery at October 6, 2009 2:09 PM
I so agree, Celery.
Nice choice for numero uno.
Posted by: Cindy at October 6, 2009 2:14 PM
Mila Kunis in the straight-to-video American Psycho 2 gets no love? I get it, I really do. But this is a bigger sausage fest than an underground Hip Hop gig.
Posted by: TSF at October 6, 2009 2:14 PM
How about what's-his-name in that one movie?
Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 6, 2009 2:15 PM
Celery: I so wanted to answer that with a very specific part of my academia. Then I thought is that necessary? Do I want to sound like a know-it-all pain in the ass. Considering I know that was rhetorical. And in the end I decided yes.
Spree killings are two or more victims within one event. (Can be like one afternoon but all linked within one short period to be an event.)
Serial Killers kill three or more people over a period greater than 30(ish) days.
So yeah...
Posted by: Nimue at October 6, 2009 2:18 PM
I never got past that yummy pic of Timothy Olyphant.
Speaking of Deadwood (we were, weren't we?), what about Garrett Dillahunt's glorious character who killed hookers after hiring them for sex because then they knew about his, ahem, shortcomings.
Posted by: PaddyDog at October 6, 2009 2:22 PM
Sorry, but the dude from Dexter is not "hot," not even close. He is totally average in every way, except for his dorky my-mom-cuts-my-hair hair style. I don't get why so many people are all crazy like about this guy. I see way better looking guys in my local supermarket.
Posted by: androstarr at October 6, 2009 2:23 PM
Am I the only Pajibette for whom Michael C. Hall does nothing?
Posted by: Nicole at October 6, 2009 2:24 PM
Ooh, Darth, good suggestion! I love that one!
Yeah, Early was hot, which was definitely squirmy.
Posted by: Anna "Switchblade" von Beaverpuppet at October 6, 2009 2:24 PM
Of all the Random Lists, this one was probably the Randomest.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 6, 2009 2:27 PM
Androstarr- where is this supermarket of which you speak? It is Canadian Thanksgiving, and I need me some pumpkin pie filling, and man who looks like Dexter to eat it with.
Posted by: Rahel at October 6, 2009 2:31 PM
Dexter as #1? C'mon people, I'm better looking than Dexter, and I haven't killed nearly as many people. Besides, what about Matthew McConaughey in Frailty?
Posted by: Xtreme at October 6, 2009 2:32 PM
Oh, FABULOUS list!!!
And, yes, Paddy, my love, we are ALWAYS talking about Deadwood. I remember that cocksucker well.
Now, if you all will excuse me, my binder-clip-epede and I will be in the bunk thinking about la petite mort with any...or ALL of these killer boys.
Posted by: dammitjanet at October 6, 2009 2:33 PM
Dexter over Christian Bale?
No no no, and no no no, and then no no no.
I'm hoping more straight men will rally behind me.
And we couldn't get one lady up on this list? I'm not digging hard, but Rebecca Gayheart in Urban Legend? Mallory Knox? Help me out here fellas.
Posted by: D-Day at October 6, 2009 2:36 PM
My ex-boyfriend is a dead-ringer for Dexter (haircut and all) and I don't even remember thinking he was all that hot while I was dating him. He's cute, but not hotter than the other guys on this list.
Posted by: becks at October 6, 2009 2:38 PM
Serial killers or mass murderers? The only one I think who qualifies as a serial killer on this list is Dexter.
Posted by: John W at October 6, 2009 2:39 PM
I live in Ithaca, NY. We have Cornell, Ithaca College, and CUNY. We get beautiful, beautiful people from all over the globe. It ensures a nice view even during the winter months.
Posted by: androstarr at October 6, 2009 2:39 PM
Nicole,
No you are not. He does absolutely nothing for me either and the fact that he was placed number one over Christian Bale AND Timothy Olyphant is wrong on many levels. He is really not hot at all and shouldn't even be on the same list as the other four.
Posted by: Lillie at October 6, 2009 2:42 PM
Speaking of Deadwood (we were, weren't we?), what about Garrett Dillahunt's glorious character who killed hookers after hiring them for sex because then they knew about his, ahem, shortcomings.
He is SO GOOD in that role. Love me some Dillahunt.
And I'm glad Dexter beat Patrick Bateman. Michael C. Hall in his tight shirts makes me wish he'd strap me to a table. Sans stabbing.
Posted by: Julie at October 6, 2009 2:42 PM
My list:
1. Tony Curtis as "The Boston Strangler."
2. Bela Lugosi, "Dracula"
3. Christopher Lee, "Dracula"
4. Frank Langella, "Dracula"
5. Gary Oldman, "Dracula"
Posted by: BWeaves at October 6, 2009 2:43 PM
I'm with you Nicole. Dexter does absolutely nothing for me.
Patrick Bateman on the other hand...I'd listen to him sing Phil Collins all night long. And then help him clean up the carnage.
Posted by: chubb_girl at October 6, 2009 2:44 PM
what about Matthew McConaughey in Frailty?
Um, Spoiler alert!!?! Then again, if you haven't seen it yet I guess you deserve it.
I kind of see Patrick Bateman being ahead of Dexter, because of the yuppie charm and the actual sociopathic tendencies. But I still love me some Dexter. But seriously, if we're talking hotness? Christian Bale wins over Michael C. Hall any day.
Posted by: annoyingmouse at October 6, 2009 2:44 PM
Am I the only one that can point out that Christian Bale in American Psycho isn't actually a serial killer? He never actually kills anyone. It's all in his head.
The Five Hottest Female Serial Killers
5. Mila Kunis: American Psycho 2
4. Ellen Page: Hard Candy
3. Ashley Judd: Eye of the Beholder
2. Sharon Stone: Basic Instinct (remember the ending people)
1. Sheri Moon Zombie: House of 1000 Corpses/Devils Rejects
Posted by: DeistBrawler at October 6, 2009 2:48 PM
At first I didn't think Michael C. Hall was all that hot, but the more I watched Dexter, the more he grew on me. His little serial killer smirky smile and all.
Posted by: MM at October 6, 2009 2:49 PM
Lists like these are the reason I love this site, though I do worry occasionally about what that says about me. Then I go back to wracking my brains for hot serial killer material, and come up with Christian Slater in Heathers. I'm hoping he killed enough to qualify...
Posted by: PallasJay at October 6, 2009 2:49 PM
The only thing unattractive about Christian Bale is his dorky fake American accent. I can't stand it! I keep asking God why this beautifully sculpted man sounds like Kermit the Frog.
Posted by: becks at October 6, 2009 2:50 PM
Die a horrible and slow death Nicole, you are soooo wrong guuurl. While Michael c Hall is nothing to gawk at the character of Dexter is numero uno hon.
Posted by: Angelmonste at October 6, 2009 2:50 PM
Matthew Lillard in Scream, as well as Hackers. He's a great psychopath.
Sylar from Heroes. Even when the show sucks (and it does...a lot) that man is just too damn fine when he starts cutting into people's heads. I would do him in a New York minute.
Posted by: Brie at October 6, 2009 2:51 PM
Hey, what about Norman Bates, he was pretty good looking for a Freudian Nightmare.
Posted by: George at October 6, 2009 2:56 PM
BWeaves,
Somebody has a neck fetish!
Seriously, that is a focused list you have there. I bet you like tight-fitting necklaces and do that ridiculously hot thing that women do where they absent-mindedly and unselfconsciously caress their necks while lost in thought and tilt their heads at an angle. Drives me crazy.
Posted by: Kballs at October 6, 2009 2:57 PM
Dear androstarr;
WTF? Who cares? Are you a spambot? Are you Gary the hot black chick from last week? Are you a TALLSINGLE? What is your story?
A lovely couple missing from the list above, Mickey & Mallory Knox, along with their reporter buddy, Wayne Gale, are being dispatched to lovely Ithaca, NY to get your full story. We here at Pajiba can't get enough.
Want to know more?
Posted by: dammitjanet at October 6, 2009 2:59 PM
What, no Jame Gumb? Major oversight there guys. For shame.
@ deistbrawler:
Can you count Ellen Page in Hard Candy? Unless she had done that with other people, could she even be considered a serial killer? (serial torturer?) Plus, she doesn't technically kill the victim in that one, does she? Good attempts though. Hard to come up with three let alone five (Charlize as Eileen Wournos? Yikes.)
Posted by: jason at October 6, 2009 3:06 PM
Damn, I don't want to die a slow and horrible death. I'm sad now.
I had to read back over androstarr's comments to see what was so upsetting. I'm confused. What's wrong with mentioning Ithaca?
(This is why I so rarely comment anymore.)
Posted by: Nicole at October 6, 2009 3:16 PM
Kballs: Now that I think of it, I have a pearl choker and hubby's favorite horror character is Dracula. Plus, #12 on my Mantease list did include "Stroke her neck."
Posted by: BWeaves at October 6, 2009 3:24 PM
jason
If you remember in Hard Candy there were two guys involved. She got the other guy to kill himself as well. I would say she still counts as a serial killer, even though she never kills them she gets them to kill themselves. If you remember in Silence of the Lambs Lecter gets the guy in the cell next to him to kill himself by swallowing his own tongue. I think that counts. As well in Hard Candy you get the impression that she's not done. She will continue to do this.
Posted by: DeistBrawler at October 6, 2009 3:28 PM
Why all the Dexter hate? I think he's really hot, with his goofy not-right grin and his mom haircut.
But then, I'm known for having odd taste in the mens.
Posted by: Smokin at October 6, 2009 3:30 PM
I would like to nominate Nathan Baesel, who starred in a little seen gem called "Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon". While he is not the most attractive guy in photos, this guy is hilarious as a serial killer in training in this film and it makes him all the more attactive.
Seriously, if you like horror films in the vein of Freddy and Jason, you need to watch this movie.
Posted by: ashes at October 6, 2009 3:42 PM
Holy shitty HTML skills Batman!
Posted by: ashes at October 6, 2009 3:45 PM
For me, what makes Dexter Morgan so hot is not purely physical - though MCH has a smokin' body. I watched Six Feet Under, but I never wanted to bone David. It's attitude, and black humour, and the relish the actor takes in playing it.
Posted by: Tarn at October 6, 2009 3:53 PM
ashes, I've never seen anyone fuck up html as bizarrely as that, but I fixed it for ya. I mean, you somehow managed to hyperlink the entire page! I'm actually impressed.
Posted by: TK at October 6, 2009 3:55 PM
Nicole, its not the MENTION of Ithaca, but the randomness of it. Now, here at Pajiba, we are all about the random, as evidenced by the "Random Lists" but really, Ithaca? CUNY? Do they have a lot of hot serial killers there? In that case, then, sure, tell us about it. Otherwise, really? Sounds suspiciously spambotalicious.
Sorry, it's been a long day, I had Mule Skinner Blues on the Ipod, too much candy corn to eat, and my co-worker made me a BinderClip-epede, the 2nd Sequence. It's time to gtfo.
Posted by: dammitjanet at October 6, 2009 3:57 PM
Michael C. Hall is not hot, he looks like he needs to exfoliate his lips, or at least wipe of the dried spittle or whatever that is. Yech.
He's, as my mom would say, a total puddingface. No distinguishing features, unless you count enlarged piggy nostrils and razor burn as distinguishing features. Which I don't.
Posted by: AM at October 6, 2009 4:01 PM
Thanks TK! I impress myself at just how badly I can fuck shit up at times as well. I drink a lot. I have an excuse.
Posted by: ashes at October 6, 2009 4:04 PM
Agreed, Tarn. I watched Six Feet Under religiously and never gave Michael C.Hall as David a second thought. Hall as Dexter, however, is quite high on my "To Bone" list.
Is it the dark humor? Is it the aforementioned smokin' bod? Is it the murderin'? It's all so confused. And as a result, it has made me consider extended therapy sessions.
Posted by: Cruise at October 6, 2009 4:16 PM
I was looking for Jame Gumb, too. Shows what I know about man-pretty killers.
janet, here's the preceding missing string of conversation within several other conversations:
Androstarr- where is this supermarket of which you speak? It is Canadian Thanksgiving, and I need me some pumpkin pie filling, and man who looks like Dexter to eat it with.
Posted by: Rahel at October 6, 2009 2:31 PM
Posted by: branded at October 6, 2009 4:18 PM
Put me on the Dexter is HOT side of the ledger!! Michael C. Hall has incredible presence, lovely long eyelashes, and a warm, insinuating voice. The stubbly look definitely knocks him down a few notches, he should stick to clean-shaven.
Garrett Dillahunt's Deadwood character? Great character bit not hot-C-R-E-E-P-Y
Posted by: pugalug at October 6, 2009 4:19 PM
dammitjanet: The mention of Ithaca was not random. androstarr was answering the quesiton posted by Rahel at October 6, 2009 2:31 PM.
Posted by: ariadne at October 6, 2009 4:22 PM
Guess I should have refreshed before posting!
Posted by: ariadne at October 6, 2009 4:25 PM
Agreed with a few other posters: Garrett Dillahunt (a thousand times yes!) in Deadwood
and
Martin Sheen in Badlands. Perhaps not a serial killer, per se, but close enough.
And I love Dexter- but c'mon. He's not #1.
Posted by: Martin at October 6, 2009 5:36 PM
Nope, Michael C. Hall does nothing for me. Maybe that's why I've been slow to get into Dexter....cause his hotness was slow to get into me. Or something. Shut up. Make up your own dirty joke.
If we're strictly sticking with this list, Patrick Bateman runs hot circles around all of them. And swipes at them with his hatchet for good measure. But, he's not >i>really a serial killer. More of a mass murderer, really. For a really hot serial killer, I'm going to have to throw some love in with BWeaves' list and say Gary Oldman as Dracula.
Posted by: stardust savant at October 6, 2009 6:00 PM
See, when it said serial killers, I thought it MEANT serial killers and not pretend serial killers. Where is Richard Ramirez? Where is Ted Bundy? WEAK!
Posted by: I Rollin at October 6, 2009 6:08 PM
While Johnny Depp DID look the part, I think his singing left a lot to be desired. It was just so weak and boring, and it just made me even angrier at Tim Burton's complete inability to cast anyone else as lead in his movies. That movie could've been great and it was mediocre and boring.
I'm with you, Nicole. Dexter is SO not even remotely hot. I've never seen the show but the guy just looks like a loser high school teacher.
This list is also missing Wall-E as Dahmer on Wheels.
Posted by: figgy at October 6, 2009 6:32 PM
2. Sharon Stone: Basic Instinct (remember the ending people)
Posted by: DeistBrawler at October 6, 2009 2:48 PM
---
*fist-bumps brawler*
Catherine Trammell. About fucking time.
Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 6, 2009 6:54 PM
No love at all for Partlow or Wee-Bey?
What about McNulty, then, as a fake serial killer?
Posted by: Benny at October 6, 2009 7:48 PM
Good call, Darth, but I think that guy was even better in that other movie he did that not as many people saw.
Posted by: Irving Washington at October 6, 2009 8:02 PM
Cruise is right: on Six Feet Under, nothing. But on Dexter... oh man. I think it may have something to do with the opening sequence of the show, but that could really just be Pavlovian at this point.
Also, The Ice Truck Killer from season 1 of Dexter really should be #2 on this list.
Just sayin'.
Posted by: Lizzle at October 6, 2009 8:02 PM
I don't know about Michael C. Hall. I won't go as far as to agree with my husband that 'Dexter' is a "hideous fvcking chud" but I can't think of him as "hot". Not at all. But there were times during Dexter Season 2 that I felt oddly perked up whenever he removed his shirt or made out with that "pardon my tits" chick. Those were confusing times because outside of that, he does nothing for me. I felt similar when Buffalo Bill did the little dance in SOTL and talked to him self in that crazy deep voice. I don't know whats wrong with me.
Posted by: bubblegumshoe at October 6, 2009 8:11 PM
Dexter is no more a serial kiler than James Bond. "A serial killer who dispatches only bad guys...ooh, how dark, how scary!" Blerg! Dexter is Jack Bauer working for Horatio Caine, nothing more, move on.
The classic serial killer is a pychopath. Psycopaths do not folow traditional moral codes.
Make no mistake. Patrick Bateman IS a psychopath and serial killer. Patrick Bateman killed many times throught his life. Yes, sometimes he imagined it, but most times he didn't. His eventual psychotic break with reality let him confused as to who he had killed and who he hadn't. By that time he started his final hallucinogenic mass-murder style killing spree, most of his actual murders were atributed to random murders both perpretated by and victimizing the underclass and therefore mostly ignored. The rest were attributed to someone much wealthier and powerful than himself (Paul Owen/Paul Allen) and were "covered up".
Posted by: DarthDarko at October 6, 2009 8:12 PM
Ummm, did anyone else have guilty 'Serial Mom (sic)' thoughts?
No?
No reason.
Posted by: Peter G at October 6, 2009 8:23 PM
Yes, Patrick Bateman and Dexter without a DOUBT are the top 2. Coincidentally American Pyscho is a religious watched movie for me and Dexter is a religiously engaging series.
Personally though, Brad Pitt & Johnny Depp being on this list..I feel was a boner riden cop out. Yeah they are both Hott- but NO it doesn't mean they get this slot on a freebee..especially in two bad movies.
Posted by: Afflicted Wolf at October 6, 2009 8:25 PM
I like the play on words with Matthew Lillard's Hackers character, since his name was "Cereal Killer." FUNNY!
I also think that him and Skeet Ulrich made pretty hot tag team killers in Scream.
Posted by: Michelle at October 6, 2009 8:31 PM
I agree with Afflicted Wolf. Whats up with Sweeney Todd? Dude looked like Beethoven's corpse!
I agree that Johnny Depp, the actor, is a striking looking figure but when you do him up with all that TIm Burton-y costume makeup, he just makes my labia shrivel.
Posted by: bubblegumshoe at October 6, 2009 9:09 PM
Damn, Christian Bale does nothing for me. I don't know why, but my hormones can't seem to take notice of the guy. It makes me feel very lonely in this thread.
Posted by: Cuca at October 6, 2009 10:53 PM
What about Damon Salvatore? Do vampires count?
Posted by: Jen at October 6, 2009 10:56 PM
Ok, is it wrong to think Anthony Hopkins is hot in Silence of the Lambs?
Posted by: popejenn at October 6, 2009 11:39 PM
#1: There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, popejenn. Or if it is, I DO NOT want to be right,
#2: Wow. Zero love for Norman Bates in Psycho? I am stunned. Maybe I am as fucked up as people say...
Posted by: VentureSister at October 7, 2009 3:22 AM
@VentureSister, huh uh, you are not fucked up. Anthony Perkins was just boooteefull in Psycho. Girl pretty.
I thought of Ryan Gosling in Murder by Numbers, but I think they only offed one, or maybe the other pretty boy did it, but whatever. Ryan Gosling is way hot and has all that confidence in his manner and he does that not-much-blinking thing that is so intense and hard to look at because even though he is talking and lightly touching your hand and then your inner wrist and looking into your eyes and not blinking all you can think about is that you just want to saddle him up and ride him like an unbroken pony. Woo hoo and yee haw!
Posted by: princessdecon at October 7, 2009 8:16 AM
Ok, y'all. Sorry I missed the previous conversation. androstarr, Mickey, Mallory & Wayne have all been recalled.
Please return to your regularly scheduled Wednesday activities.
*hides under desk in shame*
Posted by: dammitjanet at October 7, 2009 8:35 AM
Cuca,
you're not alone! Bale doesn't make my pants happy, either. I can see the handsome, but it moves me not.
Posted by: Tarn at October 7, 2009 9:46 AM
Am I the only one who finds Hannibal Lecter sexy and charming?
Posted by: Danielle Lilly at October 7, 2009 12:12 PM
A lovely couple missing from the list above, Mickey & Mallory Knox, along with their reporter buddy, Wayne Gale, are being dispatched to lovely Ithaca, NY to get your full story. We here at Pajiba can't get enough.
dammitjannet, I think I love you. But including Wayne Gale might be a bit of a stretch, did they not kill him at the end of the movie?
Posted by: Xtreme at October 7, 2009 1:31 PM
Wasn't Robert Downey Jr. play a serial killer in 'In Dreams' ? That was a weird movie but if we're counting that, I'm putting that shit at number 1.
RDJ can play a stuttering poo salesman and he'll still be the hottest of hots.
... I'm not sure what that means but I'm sure someone out there gets it.
Posted by: bubblegumshoe at October 7, 2009 3:17 PM
I totally expected Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter to be on this list. So hot!
Posted by: dammit sami at October 9, 2009 12:16 AM
It's nice to see that you fell off the waggon again.
Christian Bale is back.
Posted by: james at October 14, 2009 1:37 PM
Yes, yes, a million times yes.
These characters make me all squirmy because I hate feeling like I want to bone a murderer. I guess if you're going to go for the bad boy, go all out.