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The Five Gayest Straight Actors in Hollywood

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (59)



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For reasons that completely escape me, a dumbass journalist at Newsweek, Ramin Setoodeh, decided to write an immensely stupid article on how it’s weird seeing certain openly gay actors play straight characters on the stage and screen. In fact, he singled out two actors, Sean Hayes (“Will & Grace”) and Jonathan Groff (“Glee”) as lacking credibility when it comes to playing straight characters (he also wrote off Neil Patrick Harris and Portia de Rossi’s ability to do so by suggesting that their characters were “broad caricatures” and not “realistic”), and he further suggested that it can’t really be done.

I’d work up a huge rant on the matter, but it seems that Kristin Chenoweth (who co-stars with Sean Hayes in a stage production of “Promises, Promises” and has appeared with Groff in “Glee”) has already done the job for me (via Movieline).

As a longtime fan of Newsweek and as the actress currently starring opposite the incredibly talented (and sexy!) Sean Hayes in the Broadway revival of ‘Promises, Promises,’ I was shocked on many levels to see Newsweek publishing Ramin Setoodeh’s horrendously homophobic ‘Straight Jacket,’ which argues that gay actors are simply unfit to play straight. From where I stand, on stage, with Hayes, every night — I’ve observed nothing “wooden” or “weird” in his performance, nor have I noticed the seemingly unwieldy presence of a ‘pink elephant’ in the Broadway Theater. (The Drama League, Outer Critics Circle and Tony members must have also missed that large animal when nominating Hayes’ performance for its highest honors this year.) I’d normally keep silent on such matters and write such small-minded viewpoints off as perhaps a blip in common sense. But the offense I take to this article, and your decision to publish it, is not really even related to my profession or my work with Hayes or Jonathan Groff (also singled out in the article as too ‘queeny’ to play ‘straight.’) This article offends me because I am a human being, a woman and a Christian.

The funny thing, though, and something I’ve mentioned a few times in my “Glee” recaps, is that there are certain straight people who have trouble playing heterosexual characters convincingly. And so, to distract your attention away from Ramin Setoodeh’s idiocy, I thought I’d slap together my own idiotic list of the Five Gayest Straight Actors in Hollywood, a.k.a., the five heterosexual actors who least convincing play straight men in movies and television.


5. Ryan Seacrest

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4. Dwayne Johnson

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3. Tom Cruise

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2. Matthew Morrison

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1. Vin Diesel

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Bonus: Gayest Straight Movie Blogger — Dustin Rowles

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Comments

Isn't that really just a blanket indictment of Vin Diesel? Not that I mind.
I'm not sure he could play bald convincingly.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 10, 2010 12:05 PM

Umm... isn't the jury still out on the actual orientation of at least 2 or 3 on this list. Or is that part of the joke?

Posted by: Drake at May 10, 2010 12:06 PM

Also, though I know she has her detractors here, I just love Kristin Chenoweth more every day.

Posted by: Drake at May 10, 2010 12:08 PM

On what authority are we accepting that any of the men on this list are straight?

Posted by: ZombieScientist at May 10, 2010 12:10 PM

Why would we care.*

*except for Dwayne Johnson

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 10, 2010 12:12 PM

wait. why is Vin Diesel gayish?

Posted by: bubblegumshoe at May 10, 2010 12:18 PM

So you backed up an article that deserves NO PRESS with a list of people you want to "out"? What does it matter if they are gay or straight?

This entire post makes me really sad. Pajiba is turning into another site that simply is humping the legs of the people who are humping the American Dream.

:(

Posted by: Mokey at May 10, 2010 12:19 PM

Kristin Chenoweth has detractors??? That makes me sad because I love her.

Also, that was just a stupid article, and this is kinda a stupid list. We could also call this list "Men who cannot really act and are wooden." and it would apply.

I actually think Matthew Morrison is great as Schuester because the character has so many things going for it that can be characterized as stereotypically feminine (singing. dancing. tears glistening in his eyes during every shot) and I still find him very The Sexy.

Posted by: dene at May 10, 2010 12:23 PM

This might as well be the final SRL. This is the column Dustin "Incompetent Heterosexual" Rowles was born to write.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at May 10, 2010 12:26 PM

I'm a New York City theater geek who's seen Spring Awakening twice -

and I had no idea Jonathan Groff was gay until I read that newsweek article.

Posted by: Withnails at May 10, 2010 12:36 PM

don't forget Hugh Jackman! after have seen "ice tea" commercial and "australia",i can say i never couldn't see Wolverine with the same eyes!

Posted by: caro at May 10, 2010 12:39 PM

wow, way to miss the point Mokey. To you the only people who are effeminate are either openly gay or closeted gay? Says more about you then about Dustin. It was a funny post, stop being so sensative.

Posted by: EricD at May 10, 2010 12:39 PM

Ok, I feel really bad now b/c I totally thought that was a pic of Cameron Diaz. I'm sorry Kristen Chenoweth. That was absolutely uncalled for.

Posted by: badkittyuno at May 10, 2010 12:39 PM

Just glad to find out that Broadway's finally cool with the gay thing.

Posted by: laredo at May 10, 2010 12:40 PM

Caro, good call on Jackman. Although I guess he can pull off a straight guy if given the chance.

Posted by: EricD at May 10, 2010 12:42 PM

a list of people you want to "out"?

Um, what? The point is that these are straight actors who aren't believable as straight. (Actually, the POINT is, it makes no difference whether the actor is straight or gay- it's how good an actor they are, and it's ridiculous on the part of that "journalist" to write an article claiming that gay actors are incapable of playing straight characters and thoroughly negligent of a major news magazine to print said article.)

I do not even understand where you think Pajiba is outing anyone. (For the record, Sean Hayes and NPH outed themselves, quite some time ago.)

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at May 10, 2010 12:45 PM

haha nice!

Posted by: dene at May 10, 2010 12:50 PM

While typing out a response I realized that I actually AM kind of sensitive today.

That is all.

Posted by: Mokey at May 10, 2010 12:50 PM

Oh, come on, like anyone believes Seacrest doesn't live in Simon Cowell's pocket. Their love for each other defies labels and doesn't need your understanding!

Posted by: figgy at May 10, 2010 12:51 PM

And we avoided every male lead in Twatlight because...?

Those guys could suck a reservoir dry in one afternoon. If you're gonna tell me Taylor Lautner hasn't saddled up and taken a ride on the baloney poney, well, shenanigans!

The D would've raised Taylor Swift's voice an octave or two for a week. Just saying.

Posted by: D-Day at May 10, 2010 1:00 PM

Uhhh, I'm pretty sure Matthew Morrison is out. And Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel are out in Hollywood.

We all know Cruise is an alien and doesn't conform to our mores of sexual orientation.

And as far as Seacrest goes, I'm pretty sure things made entirely out of L.A. Looks and bronzer can't realistically mate with anything.

Posted by: Ian at May 10, 2010 1:03 PM

And how 'bout we counter with the Straightest Gay actors?

1) NPH
2) Udo Kier (didn't know this one)
3) The rest of NPH

Posted by: D-Day at May 10, 2010 1:12 PM

Gayest Straight Movie Blogger — Dustin Rowles

Bwaaahhhh! Nicely done.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at May 10, 2010 1:15 PM

Bullshit. Dustin doesn't have the sense of style to even accidentally approach The Gay. Sorry dude, you just aren't fabulous enough.

Ouch. That one cut a little. -- DR

Posted by: admin at May 10, 2010 1:21 PM

And speaking of Tom Cruis, check out Todd's post over at IdontLikeYouInThatWay. Apparently Miscavige gets off reading Cruise's confessions to his guests at parties. I so hope this story turns out to be true.

Posted by: EricD at May 10, 2010 1:23 PM

I thought Vin Diesel was openly bisexual. Maybe that's just rampant hope.

Posted by: Death By Hippopotamus at May 10, 2010 1:25 PM

2) Udo Kier (didn't know this one)

Wha? Really? Never woulda thunk it.

The More You Know! {chimes}

Also, totally right on Tom Cruise = alien = does not conform to our pathetic Earthly sexual mores.

Posted by: MM at May 10, 2010 1:26 PM

You forgot Tom Hanks and Jack Nicholson. That's just lazy, Dustin.

Posted by: Kballs at May 10, 2010 1:30 PM

admin, so you're saying Dustin just doesn't sparkle enough?

Posted by: MM at May 10, 2010 1:31 PM

hold the phone. dustin is straight?

huh.

Posted by: gp at May 10, 2010 1:31 PM

Kristin Chenoweth has detractors???

Yep, she does. Some in her "Christian" fan base hate the fact that she supports gay rights.

Posted by: mswas at May 10, 2010 1:37 PM

Kristin Chenoweth has detractors???

Thought it was just me.


Creepy little elf.

Posted by: Jay at May 10, 2010 1:38 PM

I couldn't care less who's gay, straight, bi, whatever. If the sexual activity doesn't involve me and everyone involved is a consenting adult, I don't give a shit about it.

RE Glee dude: It's amusing that people think he doesn't portray "straight" effectively, when he's basically performing a musical. There aren't a lot of males in any musical who seem "straight." Let's face it, musical theater overall is a little fey. Which is why people like it. They sing and dance their troubles away (or lament their troubles through song), and since most men don't sing or dance, this has become a default "gay" thing. At least to the general public.

Posted by: Slash at May 10, 2010 1:45 PM

What, no Jake Gyllenhall?

Posted by: Uncle JR at May 10, 2010 1:58 PM

Matthew Morrison is straight. Apparently he and Lea hooked up back on broadway. He was engaged at the time. He might be a cheater, but I'm pretty sure he's straight.

I don't know if I would count Seacrest, he is totes gay, but I don't consider him an actor. To me he is more of a tv talking head, media mogul.

Also Vin Diesel is straight with a girlfriend and a baby.

I adore the Cheno!

Posted by: Mebe at May 10, 2010 2:09 PM

wait wait wait...

Gay men shouldnt play straight men? Shit, there goes Broadway.

(Matthew Broderick tops my list for gayest straight actor)

Posted by: Lennon at May 10, 2010 2:26 PM

Nice one Lennon!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at May 10, 2010 2:37 PM

I disagree wholeheartedly with the choice of the Rock! He is a delicious specimen of man with whom I would enthusiastically fornicate.

I don't think Seacrest has man-parts, so check that nice big N/A box next to his name.

Posted by: Jessica at May 10, 2010 2:37 PM

The intersection of "He's so X he must be straight" and "He's so X he must be gay" on this page is hysterical.

Gaydar jammers 5, Pajiba Gaydar 0

Posted by: ZombieScientist at May 10, 2010 2:54 PM

Ha! Like Cruise is straight ...

Posted by: Will at May 10, 2010 3:10 PM


But seriously who could possibly dislike the Cheno? I get her extra christian fan base doesn't like that she lika da gays but are they actually on Pajiba? I mean really! She is so damn cute and small and funny and could probably disembowel the rock with one high note!

And yeah there was zero gay indications in Spring Awakening amiright? Holy Motown Jesus and the Pips that boy was smoking! And as for his part in Glee I'm pretty sure we're meant to assume Jesse St James is just a little big fey anyway.

Posted by: E-Money at May 10, 2010 3:46 PM

am i the only one who doesn't get the appeal of kristin chenowith?

i finally got around to watching that sappy ass episode of Glee where they were shoving the "home" message down my trap, and all i kept thinking was how i'd like to stab her with a rusty shiv.


i do like her message though, although not enough to overcome my stabby inclinations.

Posted by: stopthemadness at May 10, 2010 3:54 PM

I can see how Chenoweth would get on people's nerves--people with no souls find awesome people irritating sometimes. We must pity them.

No but really, I think you just need to watch her in a few things. Like clips of Wicked or some of her other musicals. She really gets into a part and is just really energetic and (to me, anyway) totally likable. Plus she has an incredible, unique voice that I just adore. LONG LIVE CHENOWETH!

Posted by: figgy at May 10, 2010 4:27 PM

Figgy is right, stopthemadness. Cheno has the very unlikely combination of a star voice, comedic chops, dramacapables, and general likeability. If there were ever a prime candidate for an EGOT...if you don't believe me, go watch Pushing Daisies. Or West Wing.

Posted by: Ian at May 10, 2010 4:33 PM

Ryan Seacrest isn't gay? Way to fuck with my paradigm, Pajiba.

Posted by: sheshakes at May 10, 2010 4:42 PM

Look Dustin, I'm just looking out for your best interests. I don't want you to go mincing into The Blue Oyster Bar thinking you can sashay with the big boys only to come out battered, bruised and even further questioning your own sexuality.

Posted by: admin at May 10, 2010 4:52 PM

OH and I totally forgot she was on West Wing! She was a delight.

Posted by: figgy at May 10, 2010 5:24 PM

PRAISE CHENOWETH

Posted by: Nadine at May 10, 2010 5:50 PM

No Jason Segal? He's gayer than NPH!

Posted by: Sagerian at May 10, 2010 7:08 PM

admin: all I could think after your comment was "duh dunna dunna duh."

lol

Posted by: Mebe at May 10, 2010 8:01 PM

Wait - Seacrest is an actor?
Nah. Mebe is right, he's just a presenter.

good call on Jackman. Although I guess he can pull off a straight guy if given the chance.

OK, am I the only one who got how dirty that was?
Kudos, EricD! That one was worthy of a Carry On movie.

Posted by: Tarn at May 10, 2010 8:16 PM

Thank you Tarn.

Posted by: EricD at May 10, 2010 8:39 PM

People always like celebrities, but I think those in uniform deserve more respect. They defend our country and safeguard our policy. Join M i l i t a r y f l i r t i n g.c o m, show your love and respect to our military heroes.

Posted by: lily at May 10, 2010 10:09 PM

OK, I'll admit my gaydar ain't the greatest (it took me two months to realize my college roommate was gay), but excepting Top Gun, I never got the gay vibe from Cruise. Where does all this come from? Also, while not the most versatile actor, I always thought he played cocksure pricks with their heart in the right place pretty well.

Posted by: Franzibald at May 10, 2010 10:41 PM

(it took me two months to realize my college roommate was gay)

wow. you must be a very heavy sleeper.

Posted by: EricD at May 10, 2010 10:53 PM

Ok ok, I'll check out this little blonde wonder and reassess.

I'm nothing if not open-minded.

And drunk.

Posted by: stopthemadness at May 11, 2010 12:31 AM

Dustin Rowles "gayest straight movie blogger" yet to come out of the closet. My guess is that hes's a power bottom.

Posted by: Jack Random at May 11, 2010 9:42 PM

Rowles, you're adorable! I'd hit it.

Posted by: Brian at May 15, 2010 3:39 PM

...excepting Top Gun, I never got the gay vibe from Cruise. Where does all this come from?

I take it you've never seen Cocktail.

Posted by: Courtney at June 2, 2010 12:36 PM