So, How Have Your '90s Tiger Beat Heartthrobs Fared Over the Years?
Who he was then: He was all pin-uppy before 1997, but after 1997, he exploded like a Mountain Dew in the freezer.
Who he is now: Acclaimed, Oscar-nominated fancy man who only dates models, with short breaks for “Gossip Girl” stars.
Who he was then: Zack Morris, human charm machine and cell phone pioneer.
Who he is now: Either Franklin or Bash (I watch the show and I genuinely don’t remember which one he is), which is not great, but certainly fills its spot as harmlessly enjoyable TV you don’t actually need to pay attention to. Plus, you know, butts.
Who they were then: You know who they were. Don’t be that guy. Also, they looked like the three lost Lisbon sisters.
Who they are now: They are all married and they all have children. Even the little one. Sometimes I just like to remind you that we are old and ever down-sloping toward death.
Who he was then: Blossom’s brother who said “whoa” and had luxurious hair.
Who he is now: Eyebrow tragedy.
Who he was then: Faux-urban boybander with stupid hair.
Who he is now: Frankly, not a single one of us should have seen this coming. Look at that picture. Be real.
Jason and Jeremy London
Who they were then: Cute twins.
Who they are now: Fake David Fisher..and the other one.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Who he was then: A very small child. I forget what a very small child he was until I look at the pictures that were once plastered all over my closet door. But none of that matters because he sent me a postcard, which means ours was a forever love.
Who he is now: I think he’s doing that invisible acting former child stars say they are doing when they say they are “acting,” but nothing’s on their IMDb. But that’s fine. I welcome him back upon his return to some manner of quickly canceled TNT or Fox hour-long.
Who he was then: Decent, floppy haired Mouseketeer. Probably won’t go too far in Hollywood, but he’s kinda cute I suppose.
Who he is now: Just shut it down. We have a winner.
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