[On Norbit] OK..this movie norbit.. i watched the first time i dint like it.. i watched it again on HBO..now there was somethin about it.. just somethin i cant put in words.. damn.. i have watched this movie 100 times now!! the comedy is hilarious! HOW YOUU DOINGGGGGGGGG
[On John Tucker Must Die] you should totally make a sequel to john tucker must die i love that movie it is my favorite movie ever!! i really liked it when john tucker took off his shirt, when he climbed over the balcony, and when he said he was whipped. i want to know what happened to John and Kate they like made the hottest couple!!!i so wanna buy the movie and i want 2 see the second one if there is one and you should totally make one. me and my friends went to go see it again right after we saw it the first time!!!!! that scene with john going into the wrong room was hilarious. and when all the guys started to wear the thongs when john did it and when he took the estrogen pills was hilarious!!
[On The Big Lebowski] I was quite interested in watching it.I thought it would be a 2 hours of laughter marathon.In the end i realized i didn’t even laugh a single time.
the whole story is hardly bears any meaning and there were some jokes i didn’t get at all.
One more important point is IMDb has been very poor in case of judging comedies.I just found “Monty Python and the holy grail” the same boring as Big Lebowski.
[On Raiders of the Lost Ark] i really don’t get what people see in this film. it looks cheap. the story is cheap. the acting is poor. this is by far the worst film by Spielberg. first, i thought “okay, if that film is directed by Spielberg, it should be fun with a little bit of brain at least.” but then i couldn’t believe it. in every long minute of the film i asked myself “when will the story begin?” and after two hours i was completely disenchanted and yearned to the end. in my opinion the film is just for fans of poor action who give a damn about a good plot. seeing this film rated for one of the best ever makes me cry. really cry.
4. People Who Follow Justin Bieber on Twitter
Examples of Their Work
My name is BELIEBER. My blood is PURPLE. I speak Bieberish. I live in Bieber’s world, Justin Bieber is my Hero and I’m a proud Belieber. ♥
I say omb instead of omg. Oh yes I’m a belieber!
OMFG THERES A RUCKA RUCKA ALI PARODY OF BREAK YOUR HEART AND IN THE FIRST CHORUS IT SAYS HOW JUSTIN BIEBER IS BORN
ladies who would you rather get your pussy eatin from, justin bieber or lil twist?
so when bieber first came on i was in the bath room and i was like omfg. i peed two secs then ran out after washing hands lmao
OMFG. they have bieber singing tooth brushes. omg. im so getting one, ima be like “yeah i had bieber in my mouth lastnight.” ROFL.
3. Fox News Commenters (Dumb and racist)
Examples of Their Work
Whatever kills Muslims, be it one at a time or a thousand at a time, works for me.
[On Michelle Obama’s trip to India]: HIDE DA BANANAS … MICHELLEY IS COMING.
The monkey catchers in India must be better at it than over here. We’ve been trying to catch a certain undocumented Kenyan born monkey for over two years but the courts keep throwing out the complaints.
[On the dismissal of a Black Panther case] I wish I was there to give them nappy turds some stick time. Darn, I miss Philly.
DRAG’M BEHIND A TRUCK.
[Headline: What Does Michelle Want?] Whip her and send her into the fields.
i fart when i drive….it gets the seat all nice and warm. (has anyone noticed that farts seem to smell worse when you rip it in? the shower?)
black people smell like shit. why? because they eat NOTHING but fried chikin and watermelonz. don’t believe me? a black kid was in my class at skool and he stunk.
THIS ONLY HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW HOW TO TEXT!! IF YOU KNOW YOUR KEYS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO NEVER TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE ROAD!! stupid bitches!
Stupid liberals always trying to free lame animals. Eat pandas.
“HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF.”
“Where can i buy a really big jar of peanut butter?”
“How do i become obese fast? I want to look good by the end of the year.”
“Why are there school? is a point to it?”
Is it ok to touch yourself when you hear your parents have sex?
I made Jesus-shaped pancakes, but I burnt them. Am I going to hell?
ok im kinda worryed here since my g/f got pregnant and all she isnt been havein her period do u think the baby is drinkin the blood??? she 6 month pregnant
Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance
Farts DO smell worse in the shower. Has to do with the humidity.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 18, 2011 2:13 PM
Why does loving Beiber make your blood purple?
Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 18, 2011 2:14 PM
Yeah good thing wer not dumb like them losers.
Posted by: logan at July 18, 2011 2:22 PM
Renton
THEY NEED TO DO WAY TO INSTAIN MOTHER, WHO KILL THEYRE BABBY. JUST BECUZ THEY CANT FRIGHTH BACK?
Posted by: cockroach at July 18, 2011 2:24 PM
I would like to personally thank Dustin for not including a section for our comments on this list.
Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 18, 2011 2:27 PM
Mrs. J and logan, I'm assuming we were number 6.
Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 18, 2011 2:37 PM
"ladies who would you rather get your pussy eatin from, justin bieber or lil twist?"
MY EYES!!!
Posted by: Julie at July 18, 2011 2:40 PM
So black people like bananas, too? Jesus, what's next? Pizza? Chocolate??? PIE????? Do black people love pie, too??????? HOLY FUCK WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO?????
Posted by: Kballs at July 18, 2011 2:40 PM
See, thing is, the dummos have been around for, like, ever. It only seems to be getting worse because the internets and mobile technology allow the dumbness to share the same space as intelligible utterances (like those of everyone on Pajiba, naturally).
When navigating my urban environ and hearing cell-phone talkers, I often think, 'I would have no idea that that man/woman was such a doofus were it not for that Blackberry. I might have presumed him/her to be of reasonable intelligence.'
The scary part isn't that technology allows us to see that so many people "haz the dumb". That's nothing new. The scary part is having the dumb isn't something of which to be ashamed.
Posted by: Trey Shacksit at July 18, 2011 2:51 PM
Methinks somebody is trolling hard with a vengeance on a lot of those.
Posted by: StoatCat at July 18, 2011 2:51 PM
The best Yahoo! Answer question (and don't ask how I came across this): I'm pregnant. If I have sex, will my baby get pregnant?
Glorious.
Posted by: Mel C. at July 18, 2011 2:52 PM
You shut your porky mouth about Yahoo! Answers! It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to the internet!
I saw one the other day, someone wanted to know if centaurs ever really existed.
I feel like a good amount of Yahoo answers posters are just trolls. I mean the burnt Jesus pancake? That can't be serious.
But what I love are imdb posters is that they seem to genuinely believe that they're intelligent.
Kballs, the whole banana thing is in reference to the racial slur of calling black people monkeys. Monkeys eat bananas. Clever, no? Yay racism!
Posted by: THRILLHO at July 18, 2011 3:04 PM
At first glance I thought the Fox one was on-air commentators and I wasn't shocked at all.
Posted by: Paultera at July 18, 2011 3:05 PM
“Monty Python and the holy grail the same boring as Big Lebowski."
I think I just heard my husband's head explode.
Posted by: Lemon Poundcake at July 18, 2011 3:05 PM
It would've been nice to see some Pajiba comments up there.
Yeah, I said it.
Posted by: superasente at July 18, 2011 3:10 PM
That's actually a pamphlet at my church. And yes. Yes you do go to hell. Not regular hell, though - it's a really, really syrupy one.
Where can I sign up for this syrupy hell?
Posted by: smasherstein at July 18, 2011 3:13 PM
The Fox commenters do not surprise me. At all, I'm afraid. I work with people who watch Fox religiously and get their information from Fox, Townhall or The Corner.
I try to de-program them. Doesn't work (and I can't bring my baseball bat in).
I wouldn't go running off to syrupy hell just yet, smasherstein, until you find out if it's the good, real maple syrup or that nasty fake Mrs. Butterworth stuff.
Wouldn't you get in more trouble for eating the Jesus pancakes than burning them? Or would it be some sort of blueberry based sacrament? The blood and body of the lord as interpreted by IHOP. (Rooty Tooty Fresh and Repentant!)
Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 18, 2011 3:52 PM
I think you answered your own question Mrcreosote. Devouring the Savior is a sacrament in Christianity. In this case, I think Christ's blood is probably mimosas. I would have said orange juice, but you gotta get the booze in there somehow.
Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 18, 2011 3:56 PM
Yeah, I kinda agree with Trey. People have always been dumb. The Intertubes just makes it easier for them to communicate that slobbering stupidity. Before, they'd have to wait for a lynch mob or a good religious war to have an audience bigger than their immediate family for their stupid. Now, they can sit on their couch watching Nancy Grace or Judge Judy and excrete their stupid from the comfort of their homes to thousands of people (or maybe millions, if they're one of those retarded twittering celebrities).
So I guess the stupid have gotten lazier. Which is actually a good thing.
Posted by: Slash at July 18, 2011 3:59 PM
Stupid liberals always trying to free lame animals. Eat pandas.
I don't know, that sounds like some pretty good advice to me.
Posted by: JP at July 18, 2011 4:01 PM
Socrates_Johnson: Make it a blood orange mimosa and you are all set.
Posted by: pajamas at July 18, 2011 4:06 PM
OK, much as I'd like to be horrified by the Fox ones, I'm WAY MORE HORRIFIED by the Bieber ones. What is wrong with these people???
Posted by: MM at July 18, 2011 4:52 PM
Mrcreosote I think you win the internet for that one.
Posted by: JenVegas at July 18, 2011 4:55 PM
I'm pregnant. If I have sex, will my baby get pregnant?
Only if you are both tribbles.
Posted by: BierceAmbrose at July 18, 2011 4:58 PM
To be fair though, it's difficult to think of an action that WON'T result in a pregnancy with tribbles.
Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 18, 2011 5:15 PM
Is THRILLHO just being really, really meta about Kballs?
Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 18, 2011 5:39 PM
@ Trey Shacksit: "The scary part is having the dumb isn't something of which to be ashamed."
This. A smart IMDb reviewer, Fox News/Youtube commentator, or Yahoo! answer guy is a great human being that I would probably buy a beer for. But the way it used to be was that the highest soapbox an illiterate, ignorant person could achieve was a cranky letter to the editor of the local newspaper, or possibly an actual soapbox. We can't go back, unless we move to a log cabin in the Yukon, but we can realize that people are actually slightly smarter and more tolerant and we're slooowly moving forward. The fact that there's even an Obama to complain about is proof of that! In the meantime, find a site with comments you love, and be there!
I do approve of xkcd author Randall Munroe's computer virus that reads all Internet comments aloud to their authors, if only because I'm too lazy to relearn my own language within my lifetime.
Posted by: LEROOOY at July 18, 2011 5:44 PM
I am so, SO bummed that I didn't think to use THRILLHO ages ago when my girlfriend first introduced me to the site, but even though nothing on this totally un-moderated website stops me, I'm forever stuck with the nerdy bed that I have made.
Posted by: LEROOOY at July 18, 2011 5:47 PM
There are several threads at imdb that proclaim "Let Me In" is one of the most beautiful, life-changing movies they've ever seen and they watch it at least once a month.
Posted by: bananas is good at July 18, 2011 9:55 PM
smasherstein,
Ever hear of this?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster
Posted by: , at July 18, 2011 10:53 PM
Ever hear of this?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster
Posted by: , at July 18, 2011 10:53 PM
I saw this story on TV a few years ago... that would be your syrupy hell right there.
Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 18, 2011 11:34 PM
'Why does loving Beiber make your blood purple?'
Porphyria water and maple leaf fascinators means one less lonely chamberpot.
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 19, 2011 12:56 AM
This list?
Fake and gay.
Posted by: charlotte brontesaurus at July 19, 2011 1:14 AM
What about threadshitters (mostly of a political bent) and people who, when faced with anything the slightest bit moronic, start braying about Idiocracy?
Posted by: Shane at July 19, 2011 2:06 AM
OMG... I hate you Rowles... Now I hate the world even more... Have to.. Throw up...
You forgot to mention another category: The morons who voted for Obama and who actually read/watch and believe DU, Kos, HuffPo and MSNBC.
"I've now been in 57 states – I think one left to go."
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened."
"In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7/11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking."
Posted by: Common Sense at July 19, 2011 8:10 AM
Well LEROOOY you may not have the right name, but at least you have chicken.
Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 19, 2011 9:37 AM
The exponential growth in the number of people willing to be OVERTLY racist in this country since Obama's election is what really depresses me.
We have the Tea Party and the GOP to thank for that. They made it acceptable to be obviously racist, after years of that sort of behaviour being social anathema.
Good lord. Overtly racist? Got any concrete examples? Seems like the only human beings that are allowed to talk frankly about race are white liberal douchebags. Hey Maryscott, do you support Affirmative Action?
Posted by: Common Sense at July 19, 2011 3:16 PM
Huh?
At least I can appreciate the irony of your name.
Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 19, 2011 3:44 PM
Hey did someone leave that lid off the garbage can again? A faux news commenter (a.k.a. Common Sense)has wandered in here looking to be fed
Posted by: JDReign at July 19, 2011 7:09 PM
What a waste of a story. Any comments to anything on the internet rank as #1. From CNN right now under the news item, "Activists: Syrian forces shoot at funeral procession":
"islamIsVile islam, nazism, communism = Humanity's worst ideas of all time. islam is worse than nazism and communism combined. islam is vile."
Is that less racist than Fox?
Posted by: JoeD at July 20, 2011 9:42 AM
I idslike FAUXNews as much as any sane person, but c'mon, those aren't real quotes and what makes it even worse and makes you look even more pathetic then you already are is that there are plenty of actual real quotes from various FAUXNews 'personalities' that you could have used if you had visited mediamatters.com. But that would have meant time away from brushing your teeth with Ding Dongs covered with Cheetos, right?
Loser.
Print this bitches, then suck my cock.
Posted by: Mr. Pancake at July 20, 2011 1:27 PM
I facepalm'd at least four times while reading that.
Posted by: B.Kaiser at July 20, 2011 5:00 PM
i watch fox news and i am conservative but i don't consider islam a terrible thing i love muslims just as much as i love jews, hindus and buddihsts. the only religion i hate and fear is atheism because if there is no god we're all screwed
Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 20, 2011 9:26 PM
The Yahoo! questions must be fake, or ironic, or . . . something.
I mean surely they aren't . . . ya' know . . . genuine?
Please. Half or more than half of those are troll posts. Get your shit together.
Posted by: Flash at July 21, 2011 5:31 PM
You forgot the "haters/JEYLUS" brigade, AKA, the Aniston/Jolie/crazy-celeb-fans.
Here's an example.
Me: "(CELEB X) is really not that great of an actress. She is very famous, true, but none of her highly commercial films have moved beyond the character of Rachel/crazy bad ass/one-note, etc. Yet, she manages to have enough appeal to be continuously cast in many movies. It really is mind-boggling."
CRAZY FAN response: "You just a JEALOUS biatch b/c your (they always have bad grammar and spelling) a fat, ugly loser with no life on the internet. Your a pathetic waist of a human being. (Celeb X) is beautufl, gorgeous, happy
and gorgeous something you only wish you can have, you fat ugly fat loser!"
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HOW IS BABBY FORMED?