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In Honor Of Boobquake: Rack 'Em Up, Voting The Best Boobs In The Biz

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (83)

halle_berry_photos2_5.jpeg

It’s Pajiba’s Second Annual Boobquake and in honor of this venerable day, we’re asking you to totally miss the point and judge these females based on their anatomy. So sound off in the comments, which of these racks would lead to your ruin?

The Wine Rack
scarlett-johansson-moet-mert-alas-marcus-piggott.jpeg

The Coat Rack
christina-hendricks.jpeg

The Spice Rack
wpid-penelope-cruz-hot-photoshoots-04.jpeg

The Jewelry Rack
eva green sex tape.jpeg

The Shoe Rack
14301_Sofia_Vergara.jpeg

The Gun Rack
angelina-jolie-lara-croft.jpeg

The Dish Rack
nigella.jpeg

The Tie Rack
halle_berry_photos2_5.jpeg

The Guitar Rack
Salma Hayek Plays Guitar 1.jpeg

The Bike Rack
bike_porn-600x450.jpeg

Joanna Robinson would like to be referred to as The News Rack, thank you very much. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

Oh Jesus God, the bike rack. See? It just made me religious. It just works on so many levels.

Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at April 26, 2011 4:08 PM

BIKE RACK!

Posted by: camytaru at April 26, 2011 4:09 PM

Thank you. My Boobquake Day was much less exciting than I had hoped up to this point.

And I agree with Exploding Head Syndrome. One bike rack please.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at April 26, 2011 4:10 PM

I'd have to mount all of the racks to properly judge them. I believe in being thorough.

Posted by: jthomas666 at April 26, 2011 4:12 PM

Uh, beggars cant be choosers so I will take any of the aforementioned racks.

Posted by: Glyn at April 26, 2011 4:13 PM

The Gun Rack was padded, so that doesn't count.

Posted by: Todd at April 26, 2011 4:13 PM

Man, it took almost all day to get some boobs out of boobquake? Thank you, News Rack. I'd read your personals all day long.

Posted by: Paultera at April 26, 2011 4:14 PM

Goodlordjesusgod. Any or all of the above please.

/ruined.

Posted by: Sara H at April 26, 2011 4:15 PM

Gurrgggg, burbleeee duhhhgahhh. Thud.

That counts as a vote, right?

Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 26, 2011 4:16 PM

Boobies!

Posted by: RackAfficiandoMagazine at April 26, 2011 4:18 PM

Oh god, they're all so amazing. I would have included a few other people (Kat Dennings, Salma Hayek, or Anne Hathaway), but ultimately I have to vote for Christina Hendricks (aka "Coat Rack," which, despite the title being a tad degrading, is a perfect pic).

Posted by: ChristianH at April 26, 2011 4:21 PM

Bike rack. Good god damn I forget how gorgeous Belluci is until I see her.

Posted by: Julie at April 26, 2011 4:21 PM

Women posting sexy pictures of women. I knew there was some reason I always come back here.

They're all so lovely, I'm just going to suck up and say the News Rack.

(Tap on shoulder)

Crap! How did you file a restraining order that fast?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 26, 2011 4:23 PM

I am to be known as the Bacharack. You know, because I'm smooth and jazzy and have great lyricism. Or something.

Posted by: StoatCat at April 26, 2011 4:37 PM

Boobs is boobs. I'm weaned.

Posted by: Jerry at April 26, 2011 4:38 PM

Oh shit, wait. I thought there was a movement afoot in the comments to start nicknaming our own assets. Whoops! Get with the program, StoatCat.

I would like to make the following punny recommendations, in the hopes that someone will find a delightful maven to whom to attach the monicker.

The Bacharack.

The Shoe Rack. (I hope this is somebody wearing Fuck-Me Boots)

Rack of Ages (maybe Helen Mirren, whose rack is timeless?)

Have at it, my people.

(I love this so much I'm going to start amending the list. MOAR BOOBS. -JR)

Posted by: StoatCat at April 26, 2011 4:42 PM

I'm not sure Posh should be on this list since the rules state that the boobs should have a minimum 10% resemblance to the human anatomical parts known as breasts, but if you've wangled some kind of waiver for her to be included, surely she should be The Spice Rack?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 26, 2011 5:02 PM

Wait, you're ADDING racks? Well, I'll just have to check here often.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 26, 2011 5:07 PM

The Coat Rack. it's the combo of redhead magic, pale skin and great boobs.

Although I would kick none of these women out of bed for eating crackers.

Posted by: FyreHaar at April 26, 2011 5:11 PM

Bellucci

Posted by: arrrghzi at April 26, 2011 5:20 PM

I don't own A gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I going to do with a gunrack? Are you mental? Get the net.

Posted by: fracas at April 26, 2011 5:25 PM

Helen Mirren as the Rack of Ages may just require a post all to itaself.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 26, 2011 5:39 PM

I am an avid supporter (herdy-her) of the Rack of Ages. Love me some Mirren Motorboat!

Posted by: beet salad at April 26, 2011 5:46 PM

Ummm...what about Eva Green. I wish to die with my face buried in those.

Posted by: Sean at April 26, 2011 5:47 PM

And I see you've added Ms. Hayeck.

Good on you.

...Straining...so hard...not to make a lame joke about a conniption fit. BLARF! Oh boobs, I love you on everyone else but me!

Posted by: beet salad at April 26, 2011 5:51 PM

blerg. Hayek.

Posted by: beet salad at April 26, 2011 5:53 PM

It's clearly time for me to hit the rack.

Posted by: James S at April 26, 2011 6:22 PM

I could happily like my life caught between the coat rack & the bike rack.

Posted by: Lucas at April 26, 2011 6:29 PM

I love my A cups. I love my A cups. I love my A cups. I love my A cups. *sob* I love my A cups. I love my A cups.

Posted by: Janey at April 26, 2011 6:30 PM

I'm sorry I passed out after Jewelry Rack. It's still Tuesday? SMASHING

Posted by: Ian at April 26, 2011 6:36 PM

Holy Christ, that Eva Green picture made me dizzy.

Posted by: Todd at April 26, 2011 6:56 PM

Posted by: Meander at April 26, 2011 6:58 PM

It's a classic (in more ways than one)

The Rack of Ages

http://cuyuludi.vacau.com/gallery/helen-mirren-bikini.jpg

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 26, 2011 7:02 PM

Is this my favorite post ever? Yes. Yes, it is.

Posted by: BalladofMaxwellDemon at April 26, 2011 7:07 PM

Y'know, some of us prefer the less extravagantly proportioned girl.

But thanks for the pretty!

Posted by: frank_247 at April 26, 2011 7:07 PM

You know what, Frank, fair enough, me too. I hear Janey has some smashing A-cups.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at April 26, 2011 7:09 PM

Wait, you added Eva Green? How... how can I choose? I CANNOT CHOOSE.

*KABOOM*

It ain't just a syndrome anymore.

Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at April 26, 2011 7:13 PM

Damn i'm all about the Coat Rack...

Posted by: Jax at April 26, 2011 7:34 PM

Tie between the coat & the spice.

Posted by: harlequin13 at April 26, 2011 7:37 PM

No pics of my wife? Shame. Best rack in town.

Posted by: dorquemada at April 26, 2011 7:46 PM

I vote for Ms. Hendricks, but it's not the hair nor her magnificent bosom (which is nevertheless superb).

It's the eyes and the face which enchant the most.

Posted by: Wintermute at April 26, 2011 7:53 PM

My husband votes for the kitchen rack every time she's on. I've caught the smoke off of that fire many times.

Posted by: Phat girl at April 26, 2011 8:36 PM

On second look I see it's the dish rack not the kitchen rack. There's just too many racks in here.

Posted by: Phat girl at April 26, 2011 8:39 PM

Jewelry rack, motherfuckers!

Posted by: Forward Observer at April 26, 2011 9:04 PM

Who's the dish rack? Butter face, old saggies.

Posted by: Mike Honcho at April 26, 2011 9:17 PM

I'm so glad Monica Belucci is finally getting the credit she deserves. For having MAGNIFICENT norks. Truly award winning.

Posted by: supafly at April 26, 2011 9:18 PM

How is there no towel rack yet?

Posted by: Lady Lobo at April 26, 2011 9:39 PM

May I present Ms. Rosario Dawson:

The feather rack???

Posted by: TheDarkChrisKnight at April 26, 2011 9:52 PM

Phat_girl,
I don't think that's possible.

And for any lovely ladies feeling self conscious about what God gave them, I can be found in the phone book. I'm a very poor steward of my personal information, so I should be easy to find.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 26, 2011 9:52 PM

Posted by: TheDarkChrisKnight at April 26, 2011 9:53 PM

I nominate Bob's bitch tits for the towel rack.

Posted by: beet salad at April 26, 2011 9:55 PM

Janey, we all love your A cups.

And Meander, that's not a great picture of Nigella, but I agree that she's gorgeous.

Posted by: Wintermute at April 26, 2011 9:56 PM

beet salad, he prefers it if you refer to them as "Bob's Gynecomastia."

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at April 26, 2011 9:59 PM

I may be vain as hell, but I love it when links I suggest make crossover appearances.

Oh and to stay on topic... boobs.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 26, 2011 10:04 PM

I really love Halle Berry's shoulders.


And her boobs are lovely too.

Posted by: kayla at April 26, 2011 10:12 PM

"And for any lovely ladies feeling self conscious about what God gave them."

Oh honey. Have you seen me? I am a legend in my own ...mind. I LOVE me. The only self-consciousness I feel is pure narcissism.

Posted by: klingonfree at April 26, 2011 10:15 PM

Being the gentleman I am, I would never be so vulgar as to denigrate any of these fine, fine ladies by singling out one as preferable to all the others. A true gentleman would note that they are ALL quite luscious and lovely, and would in the interests of chivalry offer to tit-fuck all of them, in no particular order.

Thank you.

A gentleman

Posted by: , at April 26, 2011 11:21 PM

Bike Rack......."Duh and Hello?"

Posted by: Nostromo at April 26, 2011 11:52 PM

Due to sheer, overwhelming, absurdly porcelain volume, methinks Hendricks' boobs would definitely win in a fight. To prove my point, I demand they fight. Unleash the tiggos ladies.

Posted by: sheshakes at April 27, 2011 12:14 AM

Oh, yeah, good call whoever threw in Rosario Dawson. Amazing.

Posted by: ChristianH at April 27, 2011 1:42 AM

Can I Tie the Bike rack down?

Posted by: Magiel at April 27, 2011 2:55 AM

I nominate Carla Gugino.

Posted by: denesteak at April 27, 2011 3:22 AM

I have often wondered how unpleasant conversation must be for Monica Belluci, seeing that merely looking at her probably makes most men loose at least half their intellect. Or, I could just be projecting.

The Bike Rack, goddammit, the Bike Rack.

Posted by: Qualtinger at April 27, 2011 6:13 AM

Umm... I'm sorry... What was the question...?

Posted by: Sarah J-town at April 27, 2011 6:24 AM

Bike rack.

Posted by: james at April 27, 2011 7:40 AM

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 27, 2011 8:10 AM

Posted by: dammitjanet at April 27, 2011 8:49 AM

Tie betweens Feather, Tie, and Bike Rack. For real, son.

Posted by: Teresa at April 27, 2011 9:16 AM

If it's just the rack? Maybe Christina Hendricks . But, if you include the stand and all the hardware it's no contest; Monica Bellucci, definately... By light-years. Everyone else can tie for second.

Posted by: Darth Darko at April 27, 2011 9:36 AM

I'd have to go with the Tie Rack. While all of them there hills are breathtaking, I'd have to say Halle's boobies are most likely to stay where you ( or she )put them, without the aid of plastic scaffolding. Perfect proportions
( portions?) ...scuse me, I'm getting dizzy...for her body, the rest of the mams are too big and probably don't see much sunshine on the undersides, though I would pay hard earned cash just to see Joan Holloway's fleshy, porcelain globes.They are Wonders of the Modern World, and she is not even my girl crush. That would be Mila.

Posted by: kirbyjay at April 27, 2011 9:44 AM

Tie rack. Thai rack. Ty rack. Tie Rack.

Posted by: Uncle Binty at April 27, 2011 11:00 AM

Seconding the Carla Gugino nom. Her breasts convince me that there is a god and she wants me to be happy.

Posted by: ceebee_eebee at April 27, 2011 11:00 AM

This whole post just makes me think...

"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. T'would be a pity to damage yours."

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 27, 2011 11:37 AM

I know we're doing modern mammaries, but...

Carrie Fisher with the TIE Rack?

(Twin Ion Engine, like a TIE Fighter)

/shows self out
//returns to her mother's basement to paint her D&D miniatures

Posted by: StoatCat at April 27, 2011 11:41 AM

Brain melting...can't think...devolving to primate...

Posted by: OldSchool60 at April 27, 2011 1:15 PM

I always coveted Elizabeth Taylor's diamond encrusted rack.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 27, 2011 2:07 PM

I missed this yesterday! Stupid graduate class! Stupid education!


Ummm I would park my bike in her rack any day.

Posted by: logan at April 27, 2011 2:40 PM

I want that one. And that one.

Posted by: Dingles at April 27, 2011 3:07 PM

If this doesn't get to be the murdertank of the year, there's something seriously wrong with you... us... everyone and everything.

This is beautiful.

... sighs.

Posted by: Rook at April 27, 2011 4:06 PM

The News Rack! The News Rack! The News Rack!

/shows self out
(creepiness over now)

Posted by: gforcetwo at April 27, 2011 9:29 PM

Of those offered, probably the bike rack.

Posted by: Shadowen at April 29, 2011 9:44 PM

What day is Bootyquake Day?
(Personally, I feel every day should be Bootyquake Day)

Surely there is more evidence of the positive correlation between earth tremors and "the butt" than tremors and "the boobie".

Some see the Earth's upheavge
As a result of the female cleavage
But to overlook the derriere
As the cause for a quake
Would be a momentous mistake

Posted by: The Mangler at April 30, 2011 10:03 AM

jewelry rack!!

Posted by: James at May 1, 2011 12:52 PM