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If Michael Bay Has The Worst Taste In Women, Who In Hollywood Has The Best?

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (50)



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Why the brothers Coen, that’s who. In their almost thirty year career, Joel and Ethan Coen have shown impeccable taste when casting their leading ladies. I haven’t come here to bury Michael Bay’s ladies. What is apparent, however, is that Bay is looking to cast pure eye candy. He’s got a thing for luscious lips and talent seems to be a bit of an afterthought. Sometimes he lucks out, I have no beef with Gabrielle Union, Liv Tyler has a wealth of Empire Records cred and Kate Beckinsale can be good even if she was wooden and alarmingly orange in Pearl Harbor. I get it, Bay is casting for a different type of movie. As Shia LeBeouf recently said, “Mike films women in a way that appeals to a 16-year-old sexuality. It’s summer. It’s Michael’s style.” And, hey, I’m not going to call it sexist, per se. It’s not like LeBeouf or Josh Duhamel, the two male leads of the Transformers franchise, could have possibly been hired for their acting talent. Don’t get me wrong, Michael Bay is a pig but that’s not my point.

Is it fair to compare Bay’s taste in women to the Coen brothers? Probably not. Apples and oranges (Beckinsale is the orange). But I will say that it was a comfort to me when I heard that the Coen Brothers were thinking of making a film about the NY Folk scene in the 1960’s and I didn’t have to worry that they might cast Blake Lively to play Joni Mitchell and Miley Cyrus to play Joan Baez (I would not put that past Michael Bay…she has the requisite duck lips). The Coen brothers always cast cool, intelligent, beautiful and, above all, talented women in their films. The look of a Coen woman may not always be orthodox (if Bay likes a full lip, the Coens seem to gravitate towards a strong jaw), but she is always compelling. Joel Coen even had the good sense to marry one. So here they are, a round-up of the Coen Woman (and one Girl). I can’t imagine them greased up, string bikini’d and draped over a car. If you can think of another filmmaker with better taste, do let me know.

Marcia Gay Harden (Miller’s Crossing)
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Catherine Zeta Jones (Intolerable Cruelty)
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Jennifer Jason Leigh (Hudsucker Proxy)
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Sari Lennick (A Serious Man)
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Frances McDormand (Blood Simple, Fargo, The Man Who Wasn’t There, Burn After Reading)
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Holly Hunter (Raising Arizona, O Brother, Where Art Thou?)
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Julianne Moore (The Big Lebowski)
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Judy Davis (Barton Fink)
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Kelly McDonald (No Country For Old Men)
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Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit)
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Cameron Diaz (Gambit…DAMMIT. Okay, Coens, you get one. One mid-life crisis car. Let’s hope this is an outlier and not the start of a trend.)
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Joanna Robinson has no beef with Irma P. Hall, but she really really really really likes to pretend The Ladykillers never happened. Irma P. Hall is the bomb, though. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

Julianne Moore's face looks absolutely naked with all those wonderful freckles photoshopped away.

Posted by: superasente at June 29, 2011 4:06 PM

All the ones that cast Amy Adams.

Posted by: junierizzle at June 29, 2011 4:19 PM

Um, can I take over Ms McDonald and be the meat in a Bardem/Brolin sandwich? Ktnx.

Posted by: Figgy at June 29, 2011 4:30 PM

Is the girl on the left of the header pic the new Transformers girl? Because I'll take Megan Fox back if that's the case. Ugh.

Posted by: Paultera at June 29, 2011 4:33 PM

I can’t imagine them greased up, string bikini’d and draped over a car.

I can't be the only one who's imagined Catherine Zeta Jones that way. She was my first major girl crush. Ah, memories...

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at June 29, 2011 4:38 PM

What about Tara Reid?

Posted by: Withnails at June 29, 2011 4:41 PM

To be fair, The Coens are not directing Gambit. It's based on a script they wrote a while ago, but I don't know how involved they are.

Posted by: Will at June 29, 2011 4:43 PM

The third transformers gal looks like a Wayan in "White Chicks".

Posted by: Trey Shacksit at June 29, 2011 4:46 PM

*Wayans

Posted by: Trey Shacksit at June 29, 2011 4:47 PM

Jennifer Jason Leigh looks really, really good in that picture.

Looking at the cast for Gambit give me hope.

Posted by: tamatha at June 29, 2011 4:49 PM

Todd Haynes gets major points for this, I think, having cast Julianne Moore, Kate Winslet, Melissa Leo, Hope Davis, Cate Blanchett, Patricia Clarkson, Viola Davis, & Michelle Williams. Does it help to be gay?

Also Ang Lee! The casting of females in 'Sense & Sensibility' and 'Brokeback Mountain' was pretty terrific, even if Emma Thompson was too old for her role.

Posted by: Ester at June 29, 2011 4:52 PM

Calling Bay a pig is an insult to pigs.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 29, 2011 4:54 PM

Will, that is a terrific point. My hope is that their involvement at this stage is nil. And, yes, tamatha the restorative powers of Rickman are strong, but not even Daniel Day-Lewis could undo all the harm Diaz did in Gangs of New York. She is a talent suck.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 29, 2011 4:59 PM

Scarlett "Thin Lips and Acting Depth" Johansson - The Man Who Wasn't There.

Of course, now that I've thought about it, if you had to cast someone as the pubescent purveyor of perfunctory yet pleasingly pillowy fellatio I guess Scarlett Johansson was really the perfect choice.

Posted by: Darth Darko at June 29, 2011 5:07 PM

Oh yes, Ang Lee! His women are always lovely and fascinating to watch.

I also nominate Quentin Tarantino. Sexy women of all varieties. He even throws in cute, quirky women in tiny roles (sometimes to the film's detriment, like the cab driver in Pulp Fiction.)

But Julia Sweeney as Raquel of "Monster Joe's Truck and Tow"? Yummy!

Posted by: The Mutt at June 29, 2011 5:10 PM

Julianne M. is a terrible actresss. I know that's unpopular in these parts.

Posted by: samantha t at June 29, 2011 5:15 PM

Doesn't Tara Reid disqualify the list?

BTW, it should be outside the rules giving them credit for Frances McDormand. That's just cheating!

As for Bay, let's not forget: Tea Leoni in Bad Boys, Vanessa Marcil in The Rock and Scarlett Johannson in The Island.

Posted by: Fredo at June 29, 2011 5:22 PM

Yeah but Tara Reid as Bunny? That's just the Co Bros laughing at her.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at June 29, 2011 5:23 PM

I want to say PT Anderson, but Heather Graham and Gwyneth Paltrow are my mortal enemies.

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at June 29, 2011 5:24 PM

Julianne M. is a terrible actresss. I know that's unpopular in these parts.
Posted by: samantha t at June 29, 2011 5:15 PM

Might be unpopular but it doesn't make it any less true.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 29, 2011 5:29 PM

Why no love for The Ladykillers? People can't handle Hanks being the baddie. That movie is fucking awesome.

Posted by: FyreHaar at June 29, 2011 5:33 PM

Ummmmmm Russ Meyer, dur.

Is it just me or does Nolan have a thing for Brunettes? - Cotillard, Hathaway, Katie Holmes, Mags, Carrie Ann Moss (exception being the day ScJo's boobs walked in five minutes before she did and got the role in The Prestige).

Posted by: D-Day at June 29, 2011 5:34 PM

Best thing you ever did was get hit by that train!

God I love Holly Hunter in that movie.

Posted by: Figgy at June 29, 2011 5:41 PM

@D-Day: In further support of your point, Hilary Swank in Insomnia.

Posted by: Ruby at June 29, 2011 5:45 PM

It's no surprise that the Coens cast a bunch of cool women, as they make a bunch of cool movies in general. Check out the versatility of their filmography. A few of them might not work for any given person, but you can't say they haven't gone for it creatively.

What might be a little unsettling is that I came here from Dr. Pisaster's column, and I find that my eye is subconsciously wandering to all the tubercles in these photos.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at June 29, 2011 5:47 PM

I'll agree that Julianne Moore isn't the greatest actress in the world, but you really can't watch Boogie Nights or Magnolia and say that she's terrible. Or can you? CAN YOU? DID YOU JUST?

Posted by: Forever Jung at June 29, 2011 5:50 PM

We may want to give consideration to Tim Burton.

Just look:
Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter
Helena Bonham Carter
Large Marge

Right?

Posted by: branded at June 29, 2011 6:06 PM

Does the fish in the header pic have 3 lips?
How would one get the penis inside the oral cavity?

Posted by: kirbyjay at June 29, 2011 6:41 PM

If Michael Bay Has The Worst Taste In Women, Who In Hollywood Has The Best?

Joss Whedon

Posted by: TL at June 29, 2011 8:41 PM

That poor girl in the latest Transformers movies looks like she's had a head injury. Liv Tyler's a little cross eyed but she doesn't look like she's got brain damage.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 29, 2011 8:46 PM

Oh yeah, speaking of Liv Tyler, I'm going to go with Peter Jackson. Tyler, Cate Blanchett, Naomi Watts, Kate Winslet, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon and Saoirse Ronan.

Posted by: snapnhiss at June 29, 2011 8:52 PM

I'm going to repeat myself here, but it's for emphasis as much as anything else: every time I see a picture of Ms. Huntington-Whitely, I can't help but think that she has been a recent sufferer of head trauma.

I don't find her at all attractive, but that's because I really do worry that she's got a concussion. She doesn't need headshots and closeups, people, she needs a blanket and a hot drink and maybe a hug before she's loaded into the ambulance and taken for a few CT scans.

Posted by: Wintermute at June 29, 2011 9:45 PM

Woody Allen (we're talking strictly professionally not personally, right?):

Diane Keaton -Academy Award winner, Annie Hall
Dianne Wiest -Academy Award Winner, Bullets over Broadway
Miar Sorvino-Academy Award Winner, Mighty Aphrodite
Mia Farrow, Julie Kavner, Judy Davis, Penelope Cruz, Rebecca Hall, Scarlett Johanssen, Emily Mortimer, Radha Mitchel, Kathy Bates, Marion Cotillard, Carla Bruni

Posted by: John W at June 29, 2011 9:57 PM

J.J Abrams creates(would have italicized but dont't know how) awesome female characters. That counts, right?

Posted by: Camila at June 29, 2011 10:08 PM

John W. I was just about to say the SAME thing! I watched Manhattan again yesterday and loved it all over. Add Rachel Mc to the list for Midnight in Paris and Helena Bonham Carter (my girl crush) for smaller parts, just because.

Posted by: Stinky at June 29, 2011 10:12 PM

I'd like to nominate Paul Thomas Anderson as well --

Hard Eight (Sydney): He got Paltrow, before she was insufferable, Melora Walters
Boogie Nights: Julianne Moore, Melora Walters, Heather Graham (who had basically a no-show part), and Nicole Ari Parker
Magnolia: Melora Walters, Julianne Moore, Felicity Huffman, Melinda Dillon
Punch-Drunk Love: Emily Watson, Mary-Lynn Rajskub
There Will Be Blood: Not any main female characters

Also Chris Nolan's pretty awesome too (and he certainly has a thing for good-looking, talented, brunettes): Carrie-Ann Moss, Hillary Swank, (swing and a miss on Katie Holmes), Rebecca Hall, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Marion Cotillard and the lovely Miss Ellen Page.

Posted by: TheDarkChrisKnight at June 29, 2011 10:32 PM

I'd be with you re: Woody if he hadn't gone through that whole Scarlett Johansson is my muse phase. Casting her once, okay. Building three films around her? Not cute.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 29, 2011 10:35 PM

Wintermute, I'm with ya. I can't help but think that even in her best looking pictures that she appears to have been stung in the face by a number of bees and having an allergic reaction. The number of course varying on the quality of the picture, if she's put ice on her face lately, etc.

Posted by: Alex00 at June 30, 2011 12:06 AM

Meh these are a bit mediocre as whole. Now Joss Whedon! He has a true eye for the ladies. He always gets the best ones(except SMG. I am a fan of SMG)

Posted by: Minto at June 30, 2011 1:37 AM

Wow they sure are pasty. I thought I saw a melanin at one point but thankfully it wasn't.

I'm saying they're white.

All white.

All of them.

Posted by: Ender at June 30, 2011 5:06 AM

I'm saying they're white.

All white.

All of them.

You say that like that's a bad thing.

Posted by: Anna at June 30, 2011 8:18 AM

No, you're right, all-white is all-right. I guess you're able to be so incisive and correct because you're white too?

You should audition for one of their films.

Posted by: Ender at June 30, 2011 10:49 AM

Michael Bay likes window lickers.

Posted by: MRod at June 30, 2011 11:59 AM

Julianne Moore was hotter in Boogie Nights.

Posted by: Hater Jonny at June 30, 2011 12:34 PM

I second the Tarantino nom. I love his female characters. He picks attractive women, but very different styles and not attractive in the typical sense. He writes interesting characters for them and you could tell even though he is a horn dog, he likes and respects women not only loves them.

Posted by: daria at June 30, 2011 12:38 PM

James Cameron also has good taste on women in his movies:he loves strong characters and strong women

Posted by: carrie at June 30, 2011 6:33 PM

Um.

Frances McDormand (Joel Coen's wife) is in the third Transformers movie.

It's like I can hear the universe being ripped opean at the seams right now.

Posted by: duckandcover at July 1, 2011 10:20 PM

In lieu of what I think is becoming my staple, here's a follow-up post (for some reason, I have to comment before I read all the other comments. It's my curse, my albatross):

First, there are only two Transformers girls: Megan Fox and Rosie H-W (I'll be damned if I spell out her damn last name). Second, Rosie was far superior to Megan Fox in the third movie. She was cute and the seams were well hidden; she made Megan Fox look like a damn mess. She made it bearable, even as she perpetuated the "How the fuck did Shia LeBeouf land this piece?" and the "Michael Bay thinks horn-rimmed glasses indicate smart girls in his movies" archetypes and mindfuckeries. Oh, and the "Girls only scream and hide in Michael Bay movies" thing.

This does not excuse her prolapsed rectum-like lips a la the Fox. This does not excuse that it's obvious she's a supermodel-turned-actress. This does not excuse that being "superior" to the Fox means very little.

Posted by: duckandcover at July 1, 2011 10:30 PM

In between shit blowing up like Independence Day, Transformers 3 is really a movie about watching a British girls lips form new shapes as she speaks, and a how well Shia LaBeouf can scream. Also, lame one-liners.

I do not recommend seeing it sober.

Posted by: Brittany at July 3, 2011 11:05 PM

I'm gonna have to add Ridley Scott to this mix- just for Ripley and Thelma & Louise. Bad ass characters.

Posted by: Amandahugandkiss at July 4, 2011 3:08 AM